Single mum

Kayleigh - posted on 11/05/2014 ( 23 moms have responded )

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Hi, I am 6 months pregnant due at end of February. I found out I was pregnant after feeling so sick. I planned on moving out with my partner to a private rent house. When I found out I was pregnant I drove straight round to his flat n woke him up n shown him the test and he was like why show me a negative test n told me to fcuk off n I said its positive he was like omg no this ain't happening ... I was told by drs I would find it difficult to get pregnant after my ectopic pregnancy few years previous. I told my mum n went n told him mum together and he sat on the floor saying im Guna be a dickhead either way... If I leave or stay or tell her to get an abortion n his mum sat there n said it needs to be a joint descison ... Hinting that I should get an abortion as its what her golden boy wanted! He continually asked me to get 1 n I told him infront of his mum my joint descison is im keepin my baby to which she pulled a face! I'm so annoyed with how his family have treated me like an outsider... We moved out and it was lovely for first week ... My dad put up curtains n helped him move but when it came to helpin us he sodded off down town with his mum. Now 2/3 months down the line I asked him for a back rub because i have back pain (4 months pregnant) working 3 jobs 35+ hrs n he was gaming at 5am in the morning when I asked him he came in 20 mins later n mocked me awww 4 months pregnant n u have back pain boohoo! Then I knelt up on the bed n he mocked me for the baby i lost oooh u was ready to be a mum years ago but u lost that baby didn't u oooh did I hit a nerve?? He looks at my stomach n says n that baby in there will be dead with in a year with u as a mum ooooh did I hit another nerve ( sick smile on his face) I told him to get out my bed and leave and he said 'make me!' So I rang me dad n no answer he said 'awww daddy not answering'after that I told him to F off n go overdose on his antidepressants horrible get n then I got slated on Facebook by both him and his sister. I went me mums n he left with the internet box. Few weeks later stupidly we tried again n i got slated by me mum n dad for goin back but I'm pregnant and still love my ex few weeks later he told me me n the baby make him miserable as he loves his ex n he don't wana be a dad n coz I didnt go get the abortion he was hopin I lost the baby like the last 1! We are doin 3 days each in the house till lease is up in January n he threatened to strangle me yet now continually rings me every so aften to go round n talk ( he didn't go the last scan as he didn't know what bus he needed) he onli went last scans because I took him or his dad took him once! What should I do as now he rang me sayin we need to talk as we Guna be a mum n dad soon! He told me he coudnt cope with both me and a crying baby n get stressed how do I keep my baby safe??

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Raye - posted on 11/06/2014

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Tell him that the relationship between you and him is over. Done. No going back. You're over it. Tell him that everything you do from now forward is for the sake of the baby. Tell him you will do what's best for that baby, even if it's not what HE want's, and that he should be thinking about the baby and not just himself. It's not about him anymore. If he want's everything centered around himself, then he needs to stay out of your life and do his own thing. Tell him that you don't want to keep the baby out of his life if he's serious about wanting to be a father, BUT because of all the hurtful things he has said and done it will take time for you to regain trust in him and his family. Tell him that him and his family need to treat you and your family with respect and show that he's responsible enough to deal with a newborn and be a co-parent. Try to be as calm as you can, and if he starts teasing or mocking, explain that that's the exact behavior that will make it so he does not get to see your baby. Let him know you're willing to compromise, but he's making it harder on himself by acting the way he does. Both of you are connected now for the life of your child. You both need to be grown-ups and do right by that child. Don't say anything else to him about hoping he would OD, or any of that, because he can use that against you. Don't make it personal. Try to keep everything like a business arrangement.

Also, keep a written record about everything. If he's threatening you, file police reports so you have that to take to court to try to limit his visitation with your baby. Write down all the things he said about wanting you to have an abortion and that he hoped you would lose the baby and all that, and any other threats he makes toward you, as proof of why you are afraid for him to have unsupervised visits with your child. The court will need proof that he poses a danger, and that it's not just because you're mad at him.

Anna - posted on 11/05/2014

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And all the problems that some times come with it go to friends or family for moral serport u need positive people in ur life he dont love u an shouldn't be threatening u that way u can find better u don't need him go to.the police they can help u with ur situation

Anna - posted on 11/05/2014

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You have a serious problem get help go to the police get a court order of protection against him hes no good u dont need some one like im in your life its your baby ya he may be the father but u go threw all the pain of pregnancy

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Kayleigh - posted on 11/06/2014

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Kayleigh maher I have a pic of me n my cousin we have dark hair n she has a red top

Anna - posted on 11/06/2014

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Nuthing yet ive got a pic of my daughter on my wall give me yours ill add u lol

Kayleigh - posted on 11/06/2014

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I think I found u n sent u an inbox because it won't let me add u as a friend

Anna - posted on 11/06/2014

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Add me on Facebook ok if u don't mind om allways looking to make new friends its under Anna Valasek :-) hope to here from usoon

Kayleigh - posted on 11/06/2014

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Already spoke to landlord n can't escape contract till it finishes in January. My dad is guarantor so would fall on his to pay at least this way it gets paid n come January im free! I just don't go round there on his days n should not come round on my days although he's got a tendency to come round on my days hence why my mum stays there with me ... Can't wait to get all me stuff back in jan n the relax whilst I'm due end of feb if he don't turn up at birth will be better for me but he said he has no choice over baby it's all me he doesn't understand im not doin anythin out of spite im doin IT because I want us to get on for our baby n him to stop sniping at my family n looks like I'm Guna have to organise n pay for the christening myself n just send him details n he can invite his family

Raye - posted on 11/06/2014

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Can you talk to the landlord and get one of you taken off the lease? Explain that you're pregnant, you and your BF have split up, and he's abusive to you, and you can't both continue to live there. Maybe kick him out and get a roommate, or you leave and help him find a roommate.

You and your family should unfriend them on Facebook, and/or you should quit FB for a while to decrease your stress level. You can't control what he says about you, so don't read it, don't respond to it. You're just keeping it going if you respond to it. You can print it and use it against him in court, but if you or your family has also been mean to him and saying bad things, then he can use it against you too. That's why the bickering has to stop. The baby's not born yet, you don't need to have any contact with him right now. Just put a stop to it.

Kayleigh - posted on 11/06/2014

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I'm 27 in few days n he's 27 few days after me. I told him bout my heavy nose bleeds due to stress n he said oh well ye I have those just have to learn not to think bout it! He doesn't care at all

Kayleigh - posted on 11/06/2014

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Alls I care bout is my baby n I will have a bedroom at my parents house n I am looked after n supported all I need I am Tryin to not stress n Tryin to relax. I've tried talkin to him but he just slags off my family n says it's my fault n I didn't say sorry for him to for him falling on the stairs n hurting his shins n (last time he had bumped his stomach) he changes his story every time. So I'm not speaking to him till he learns some manners

Kayleigh - posted on 11/06/2014

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Me n my family are decent n not out for a fight. He said him n his family will want to take my baby n I told him not over night there's 4 of them in a 2 bed house he will be on couch. N I jus need the support to get used to my new baby I love my baby so much already feeling him / her move about when we was together he wouldn't let go of the ps4 pad to feel our baby move. His family don't speak to me n I don't mind now but when my baby is here I just don't want my baby to sense the atmosphere but they do need to stop bein so snotty n talk to me

Anna - posted on 11/06/2014

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U don't have to be nice to him if you don't mind me asking how old are u an him u need to telling him its not all about him that both of u need to do whats best for that baby if ya allways arugeing thats no good the baby can sense that an that's no good for her or him ur ex boyfriend needs to grow up an be a man ya both have responsibility to that baby tell him he can't be playing games all day an that u didn't make your self pregnant tell he has to change or u won't let him see the baby hes puting u under to much stress an u can end up loseing it

Anna - posted on 11/06/2014

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Wow don't what people think ur not crazy deping on were u live an if u can afford it u could always get an alarm system put in stay calm hes just trying to scare because he knows it gets to u he he knows it gets under your skin try to show him it doesn't barder u any more as for the baby if he was takeing it he could of done that all ready get a court order of protection against him give the court a statement on how hes been acking an threating u this dill surve him pappers that he has to stay away from u

Kayleigh - posted on 11/06/2014

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Thank u Raye! He knows it's over after I packed me bag n walked, I'm just mad at him for what he's said and not done. I'm skinting myself to pay for our child n I don't wana argue just every time I try n talk to him like an adult he snipes at my brother (he has it in for my bro as my bro fronted him bout the slanderin comments him n his sister made on Facebook about me) just telling him it needs to stop. I choked on another nose bleed this morning. I don't want to argue n I told him to stop sniping at me brother n say it to his face but he won't! N im Guna be so stressed at birth ( if ex actually turns up with out excuse he don't have money for taxi or bus n no1 could give him a lift same excuse as not coming the scan! ) I don't want him ruining such special moments for me or my family ... N the christening will be a night mare too which I will just tell them to leave if they start sniping at my family n ruinin my baby's special day! Thing is tho he always glad dilemmas n blames me expects me to sort it out or clean it up! I Told him I need support n he said oh u want me to carry the baby for a week ?? He don't kno how to support me I've told him back rubs run me a hot bath n help with house work due to me back but he still sits on his bum playin ps4 till early hours when I get up. So I split my time n we do half n half at house. He is selfish i swapped me bed n went to drop his pillow off n he said have u got any covers for the bed erm no use ur own! I don't understand why I still have to be nice when he's so horrid

Kayleigh - posted on 11/05/2014

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Thank u Anna. I panic n think ppl think I'm crazy but seen councillor yesterday and she rang me today because she was concerned n I told her to send me post to my mums as I don't want him to intercept any Mail. I told him I don't kno his mum and how she will be with my baby so I wana see u all with the baby till I feel comfy. See he's been horrible to a girl at his work as well so lots of people have seen his true colours im barely sleepin n wake up at daft o'clock with heavy nose bleeds and or crying pacing round the house thinkin he's coming for the baby

Anna - posted on 11/05/2014

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U have every right to be upset about things ur right on what ur doing he messed up so all the decisions are up to u on how u raise that baby an who can an not see her or him tell him if he wants anything to do.with u an that baby then he has to change his ways an prove it to u don't let him walk all over u stay strong for that baby it will need all the love it can get ignor the things he says ur a good person an u don't dersuve the way hes treating u tell him ur better then that an if he doesn't like the decisions u came up with then he can go els were that u don't need any more bull shit drama :-)

Kayleigh - posted on 11/05/2014

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So fed up of it tho Anna I've had heavy nose bleeds due to stress im off work. I just don't understand how he can just deny everythin he said to me about the baby and he said he didn't break up with me due to hating me it was because he can't cope with the stress I really don't wana keep the baby from him but christening will be fun his family sniping at mine to which I'll tell them all to sling their hook jus nuthin is ever easy in my life! I just don't thiink he grasps he can see the baby when he/she but I'm not draggin a few day / week / month old baby to a contact centre coz u and ur family don't like us that's ur problem lucky for u I was raised right

Anna - posted on 11/05/2014

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Ok cool seems like u got everything under control good job I wish u the best of luck an if u ever need to talk om here for u :-)

Kayleigh - posted on 11/05/2014

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Thank u Anna the women's aid is helping me. He's now decided he wants something to do with the baby n I told him he can come to my mums as well as his family. But his response as if my mum n sister (both hate me due to the lies n half truths he's said to them) are Guna come to urs they can see the baby when I have it .... I said no simple reason is baby will be too young n I want baby in a safe secure environment. N he said what my mum ain't safe? N I said well I don't kno her alls I know is she snubs me when she sees me then he went on to slate my brother n I said well I don't want u at the birth or anythin if ur Guna slate my family I need support and I don't get it from u! He didn't get the bus to ozzy for scan knowing there could of been Sumet wrong with the babies head because he didn't have any money n didn't kno bus times n didn't have any money! Funny when he had money to buy himself a new bike, wires for computer, computer game expansion packs DVDs etc but couldn't get to scan. He went on to slate me brother even more then said do u have any covers for the bed? I said no, but ur own I had to! I've bought everythin for our baby he's never once put his hand in his pocket! He expects me to allow a new born baby to go stay with him (when he has time!)
And I said u and ur family are more than welcome to the house but I don't want any more snide comments to my family and I told him I'm looking forward to the christening and they are more than
Welcome there but they can leave if they start with snide comments as they ain't ruinin my babies special day!

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