single parenting

Tamara - posted on 02/01/2015 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Recently ive started seeing this guy who is a dad of 1 child who is 12 he has her one week on n one week off with her mother.ive meet her and shes a nice girl and they both (father n daughter) have met my 3 kids (twins 8 n a son 7)im raising them on my own no help or support from their sperm donor as i would call him lol but im going through this phase with him *lets call him my friend*about single parenting..he does not understand at all why its so hard for me..ive tried so hard to explain to him about what i go through daily with my kids and he has seen it but he still doesnt understand why? Omg im going mental n feel like im talking to a wall arrgghhh..he doesnt understand why i have to yell *fair enuff*..why they argue so much..and then he mentioned i back track an hour of my routine before 5 n 7pm. wth?i said to him how could i do that excatly?when school is finished i get them home settled afternoon tea etc then homework time where i have to work with 1 child at a time because trying to do all 3 of them at a time is a nightmare when they all want help n my my attention yet he still doesnt understand why?and the fact his daughter had never had trantrums in public..played up etc and i said um thats because you have 1 child compared to 3
ive told him he shares his parenting.things are alot eaiser when you have 1 compared to 3 children esp all close in age and yet he still doesnt undertstand OMG im going mental explaining and i cant be bothered anymore but if there is anyone and i mean anyone who can agree that single parenting alone of more then 1 child can agree please feel free to share. I know he is trying but needs to try HARDER,before i put our *friendship*to an end arrgghhhh HELP :-)

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Meagan - posted on 02/02/2015

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Yes indeed, uv got super powers, lol. We hav a son that wil b 3 in april. Im a SAHM. Dads late shift week this week. He left at 2pm.(im from south africa). So i did laundry, changed and washed bedding and curtains,cleaned abit. Cleaned our sons room. And in btwn all this entertaining my very very buzy tot. And giving him snax in btwn. Mind u dinner was on the stove. Hubby finally gets up, and says. . ."u are always working. U are always buzy. U never have time for me." So i wonder who the hell should be cleaning doin laundry cooking feeding our son reprimanding our son etc. . . Lol. I think he believes some sorta cleaning fairy pops by here daily. Oh, as im changing the bedding our son is awfully quiet, guess wat he is doing? Throwing and rolling everything thats round. Apples, potatoes,onions,peaches,plums,balls. As i go hunt for the perishables son is in the rooms trying to remove the bedding. Dad decides to leav for work earlier than usual, coz he "cant take this madness anymore". And as u said "Trying to stay sane smile on outside". Then im left jus imagining hw it is to hav more that one kid. My conclusion. . . SUPER-POWERS! KEEP UP THE STRENGTH AND FAITH. U DNT GTA XPLAIN TO ANYONE! Only a mom wil undastand. No daddy wil, how involved they may be. Mwagn

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Raye - posted on 02/03/2015

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If your *friend* is trying to be his child's friend instead of a father, then that is a problem and one you're not likely to fix. There are stories all the time on here about that situation, where the man leaves all the parenting up to the woman, and it often doesn't end well.

If you're in a relationship, you're supposed to be partners and share the responsibility. You're also supposed to be the PARENT of the child and enforce the rules. If he can't do either, what's the point of having him around?

Tamara - posted on 02/02/2015

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Thanks meagn ..gosh you sound like you could do with some super powers too lol totally get why your hubby wants to leave for work early because he cant stand the madness geesh instead of him taking off early has he thought of maybe helping you out so that you dont have to do everything?idk just my suggestion to help you out at least by that you both can have time together?maybe?lol dont worry its faith that keeps me going and to be strong. Everyone is diff and has their own opinion but i have to.choice to listen n take it or just turn the other cheek when they try to say what they want to say.so no need to worry about me trying to explain myself to anyone. As for you keep up the good work even if your little one is tearing the house down lol remember to breathe in and out lol countdown the hours till bedtime hehe

Tamara - posted on 02/02/2015

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@ raye thank you for your advice there am def thinking about cutting back on the family time with him until this whole disagreeing thing dies down but for some reason i dont see that happening.will see if things will change or not and take it from there
Thanks much

Tamara - posted on 02/02/2015

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@ shawn..referring back to the not calling him a sperm donor and be an adult about it and call him my ex yeah i do have my moments where i do call him the ex but i know that i didnt go to a clinic to get pregnant so there for yeah i shouldnt be calling him a sperm donor. But i didnt just call him that because he wasnt good enough for me,its more he made the choice that he wasnt good enough let alone MAN enough to stick around and help with the children,he doesnt pay child support,no communication with them but yet he can go have his baby number 6 to his 3rd baby momma?so if i want to be immature about it and want to call him a sperm donor rather then a useless sob and every other swear word i could think of for my EX then i will keep on calling him a sperm donor no matter what anyone thinks lol so ure opinion is yours and mine is mine so it is what it is.oh well......

as for the parenting,true some do struggle with one or more n yet are able to do a dozen things the same time but it def is a mission to do but we gotta do what we got to do.....

Tamara - posted on 02/02/2015

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Thanks lil miss..will try that but am just going to take it one day at a time i guess..yeap raising my 3 little ones solo with no help from the ex but it is what it is i guess. He has been a good friend for ages but he has given some suggestions which ive tried but omg epic fail lol he is the type where he would prefer to be the childs best friend rather then the parent smdh but will take and think about your advice.cheers much

Dove - posted on 02/02/2015

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Little Miss, Raye, and Shawnn have said just about everything I would say.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/02/2015

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First of all, STOP CALLING THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILDREN A SPERM DONOR. Unless you actually went to a clinic, and received invitro fertilization with chosen sperm to become pregnant (twice), you are inaccurately referring to your ex. Be an adult about it. You slept with him, own up to it. It pisses me off to no end that women think they can change their stories to suit their moods. (Oh, Yeah, I slept with him, lots of times, but now that he's not good enough for me to spit on, he's just a 'sperm donor')

As far as explaining how you parent, and what your methods are to someone that you are interested in...everyone is different, and he should understand that. Some parents can juggle 1/2 a dozen kids without a problem, others struggle with one.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/02/2015

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First of all, why are you both introducing eachother to your kids when the relationship is so new and barely anything yet? IMO, significant others should not be introduced until the relationship has progressed and a bit long term.

You are doing awesome momma! Raising 3 kids solo? Keep up the good work. You should NOT have to explain how you are raising your kids, or handling them to your "friend". Think very long and hard what you want with this relationship because if he cannot support your decisions now, how is it going to be down the road?

Raye - posted on 02/02/2015

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Yes, having full custody of 3 kids is much harder than having shared custody of 1 child. Tell him, if he has suggestions to help you out then you will listen and consider his input, Then listen to his ideas. Ask questions. How does he think you backtrack? How does he suggest you help with homework with 3 kids at the same time? He may have something helpful to say. He might not. If not, then thank him for his input and say that you don't feel his suggestions work in your situation.

How recently did you start seeing him? And why have you introduced your kids to each other if you don't even know if your relationship has staying power. Kids can get attached to people quickly, and if this doesn't work out you don't want them hurt by your *friend* disappearing all of a sudden. Pull back on family time with your *friend* and only see him one-on-one, at least until you get all the disagreements on parenting worked out and/or decide if he is or is not the right one for you and your family.

Tamara - posted on 02/02/2015

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Thanks megan,it def is a hard job to do alone without the support of the other person but i guess it is what it is and im doin what i gotta do for my babies. Super powers omg i wish lol its tryin to stay sane smile on the outside but crying on the inside lol twins yes indeed i never thought id have twins until i found out lol its def a blessing n hard work but us moms single or not we all must soilder on for our little ones :-)

Meagan - posted on 02/02/2015

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Hey! I dnt havr advice, but would just like to say welldone for taking care of ur kids on ur own. Its tough being a parent, whether u have one kid and hav a supportive and involved partner/husband. So i take my hat off to all u super-moms who are doin it alone. Lol, and u have twins!!! U def hav super powers. Mwah. Take care. U'r a great mommy!

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