Single parents dating relationship dilemma! Help!!

Blondietwin909 - posted on 06/26/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

4

0

2

Hi my name is Lauren and I have been dating my bf for almost 10 months now. I am a single mom with full custody of my son and my bf has 50/50 custody with his. Our relationship is becoming more serious now. My bf and I love each other very much and our kids get along great but he is having trouble coming to terms with the fact that if we live together or get married, he will be spending more time with my son than his and he feels guilty. He would now be a full time dad to my son. He knew my situation when we started dating and thought it wouldn't be an issue but now it is. I understand his concerns but is it worth ending our relationship over? Has anyone ever been in this situation and is there a way to work it out? Please help.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/26/2016

21,273

9

3058

I disagree with Sofia whole heartedly. I think he is doing the right thing thinking of his own child first. It shows really great character, and it is obvious how much he loves his child and puts his childs needs first, which is what he should do. He isn't a dead beat dad. This will make him a better step parent if that is ever in your future.

Ev - posted on 06/26/2016

8,144

7

919

{{Yes, it is very worth ending this relationship. You bf has already shown you he is a jealous immature father and perhaps wouldn't treat your child right. Even if he had full
custody he's sending out red flags. Your son and you deserve someone who wants to be a father. Perhaps he should get full custody of his son? But I doubt that would make him stop feeling the way he does. A bit self pitying and immature. Please, find someone else.}}
*****Sofia, I do not think you read the post quite right. This guy is feeling guilty because he spends little time with his child as it is and would feel more guilty because he would have more time with a step child than his own. It is natural for a person to feel that way. He is not immature at all he is just concerned about how it will affect his relationship with his own child. It is not easy being a parent of divorce and custody. She did not say he did not want to be a daddy figure to her son he is concerned how it will affect his child being with a step child more than his bio son. It is hard to blend a family as it is and if someone has a concern then maybe it is something they need to talk about more before going forward. Its also too early for them to even discuss marriage in reality anyhow or moving in together.
Question: Are you divorced and going through custody with your child's father and invloved with someone new?******

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/26/2016

21,273

9

3058

That is completely a reasonable reason for him to be upset, and his daughter. That is a tough situation. I don't think it is necessary to end the relationship over. I think 10 months is pretty quick anyway to move in with someone, especially when children are involved. Maybe revisit this moving in together later on in the relationship.

7 Comments

View replies by

Dove - posted on 06/26/2016

12,395

0

1354

His feelings are certainly understandable and is something that can potentially be worked through w/ time and patience on both sides (yours and his). Perhaps continue dating w/ no talk of marriage or living together (which 'I' would not do w/out being married anyway) for a few more months.

This is a situation that might be worth talking over in some couple's therapy to have another 'sounding board' to bounce things off.

If HE is not wanting to continue the relationship over this issue then there really isn't much to be done, but if the two of you love each other and love each others kids... it's worth trying to work out.

DEFINITELY get it worked through prior to any living together though.

Sofia - posted on 06/26/2016

156

0

0

Yes, it is very worth ending this relationship. You bf has already shown you he is a jealous immature father and perhaps wouldn't treat your child right. Even if he had full
custody he's sending out red flags. Your son and you deserve someone who wants to be a father. Perhaps he should get full custody of his son? But I doubt that would make him stop feeling the way he does. A bit self pitying and immature. Please, find someone else.

Ev - posted on 06/26/2016

8,144

7

919

Maybe suggest that he try to get his visitation/custody changes so he has more time with his own son.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms