Drika - posted on 08/27/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )
I'm not sure how to best deal with this situation. I've been very mild mannered towards him despite how disgraceful he's been acting.
We've been off & on for eight years now & I've been in love with him the entire time.Our relationship has been complicated & he's hurt me before, but we've never been on bad terms. I've ALWAYS been there for him. Especially at the times when his childs mom was sleeping with his friends & other things, I was his shoulder to cry on & his support. I was in a relationship with someone else early this year but because of my feelings for my childs father among other things I couldn't see it working. We stopped having sex months before the relationship even ended & right before it ended I foolishly began dating my childs father & he was aware. It was my first time ever doing something like that so I felt pretty bad, but my childs father said he loved how good of a girl i'd always been & since my then bf & I were breaking it off it didnt matter. Obviously i know better, but anyway after the break up we continued to date & have sex & i ended up conceiving. I was nervous but being at a good age to have a child excited. When I told my child's father he told me he had been trying to work it out with the mother of his first "child" behind my back. I was hurt and furious that he lied, but at this point it was about the child. I let him know if he didnt want to be with me that's fine, but we needed to be able to manage the child together. The more I tried talking about the baby & how we would manage being parents, the more he spoke about his ex & how the baby would basically cause all of our lives to be hell & then tried to find every reason to avoid the pregnancy. After telling his ex, he completely went left field, asked for a paternity test (which I won't deny him because it will only confirm what we both already know) & won't have any type of productive conversation with me about the baby. There is NO other possibility of it being anyone elses and he is aware but because of her he denies the child & she is encouraging him to do so as well. I was also very offended that he asked me for a paternity test, while he's still not even sure if his first child is his because the mother was sleeping with at least 4 other guys at the time of conception & also contacted those men (who all denied her) & he never obtained a pat test.
Now he's also refusing to inform his parents even though his siblings know & doesn't want them to be involved with the shower or anything. Family values are very important to me & now I feel lost as to whether or not I should inform them myself since he obviously does not want to be involved. I feel like it isn't fair to them because I know them & I know they would want to be involved. I am considering writing them in a respectful manner & informing them they have a grandchild on the way.
My child is a blessing & is not to be treated like someones dirty secret, so I feel as though informing them is the right option, but I'm just looking for advice on that & how to handle this situation from moms who have experienced similar situations