Sister in law Drama

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

I have come to the realization that my sister in law probably has borderline personality disorder. She fights with everyone in her life, has a history of being verbally and physically abusive with other family members when she feels they are "getting too much attention", has gotten fired for not being able to get along with co-workers, and her own husband has told us that he thinks she is mentally ill but he can't leave her. Recently there was an incident where she cursed out my husband in front of our family for no reason during a holiday and locked everyone out of the house. This is after years of taking horrible verbal abuse, her calling my husband curse words in front of the kids, etc. She has never cussed me out, but she has gone on a smear campaign and tried to make me out to be the reason she and my husband are no longer friends (couldn't possibly be because she cusses him out or is disrespectful? lol). She told people I was alienating my kids from her (ridiculous since she's never even asked to see them). She ALWAYS apologizes and begs forgiveness, but the behavior never changes. So when my baby shower came around and my husband said he absolutely didn't want her in our home, I didn't invite her (and I don't regret it). She FLIPPED out. After everything she has done, she still somehow made herself the victim and said she "deserved" to be there because she is the aunt and is a "baby shower person". I have no contact with her at this point and do not ever want to see her again. I have told my husband that he can continue a relationship with her if he chooses and of course, she can see the kids whenever they want to see her. I'm not really sure what to do. To top it all off, my husband is a good man and despite her behavior regretted some of the words he used during this confrontation so he texted her a small apology. Oh boy, this caused her to send 6 messages in a row saying how much she loves and misses him as a "brother" and reignited her insane ideas that he secretly wants to be in her life but I (the evil, manipulative wife) is keeping him from her. How do I keep my sanity? I swear if she comes to the hospital during the birth, I will throw a bed pan at her head. lol

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Shelly - posted on 02/23/2016

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The situation you describe is a tough one. Has anyone close to her ever tried to get her to see someone in order to be evaluated for a mental illness? This would seem like the most beneficial thing for all concerned. There is help out there for her. And if the family understood what the issue was and knew she was seeking help, then I believe there would be more understanding on all sides. Has her husband asked her to go and see someone? If she is not open to help, then it is a good thing to put up some healthy boundaries of how you will allow her to participate in your lives. I will pray that she is open to getting some help. Congratulations on your little one to come!!!

Some resources that may be of help to you are:
The books "Boundaries", by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, and "Fool-Proofing Your Life: How to Deal Effectively with the Impossible People in Your Life", by Jan Silvious

Raye - posted on 02/22/2016

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It seems apparent that she needs some kind of psychological help. If her, her husband, and their immediate family are not seeking help for her, then the best you can do is to try to limit her interaction with you and your part of the family. You and your husband need to make it clear to the rest of them that you wish to be involved with them, but only if she is not around or she can act with respect. Otherwise, you need to simplify your lives by cutting out the drama.

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[deleted account]

I'm torn on that because I want to support my husband having a good relationship with his brother and I want the kids to all be able to see one another at family functions....but you're right, it can't happen if she is disrespectful and can't control herself. She's honest about the fact that she is out of control of her emotions. But she won't seek help and prefers to just pray about it, which is great but it certainly wouldn't hurt her to seek professional help. Still, even though she admits she has a problem and even though it's wrecking her life, she still falls back on blaming others for he problems and excuses her tirades by saying she was "hurt". Eh. It's a sad situation.

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