Skin color and how to help my kids fit in. Any advice?

Felisha - posted on 05/10/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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This is probably a stupid question. But does anyone have trouble with people treating your kids bad due to what color they are? My kids and me live in a small town. They have tried to make friends with kids around the area, but my kids get called all kinds of names like "coons" or worse.They have been jumped going to the parks here. And they get bullied at school for no reason. I have checked into in home schooling because I feel my daughter isn't safe. We are interracial mixed with chinese and black. But that does not matter to people here. They are either to " dark" to fit in, or they are to light. I moved here to be close to my mom because she isn't doing that good health wise. And with in the last year, I have been diagnosed with cancer and have been sick so I can't just get up and move. This is such a small town, there is no YWCA or no YMCA here. What they consider a mall here is just a Wal-mart and isn't even a super wal-mart. The town we are orginally from is dangerous and there are so many shootings and so much "gang" violence. In this town, its so quiet that a car with loud music is considered news here. Idk, i guess I'm not sure what to do. If anyone has advice. can you plz let me know? It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much and stay blessed.

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Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/12/2013

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This world is a place full of hate and it's terrible, but since you can't control the world you need to teach your kids to love themselves . Teach them that skin color is only skin deep and it's who they are on the inside that determines what kind of person you are. Teach them these people calling them names obviously have self hatred bc people who love themselves do not feel the need to put other people down. It's weird bc I was just going to post on the best way to teach my 6 yr old about other races. She has an African American classmate and asked ( very innocently) " why the brown girl in school looks different then her". I explained to her people come in all different colors, sizes, shapes but were all Gods children and the same on the inside. I wasn't sure what to tell her is appropriate to call african Americans bc I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate being called " the brown girl". Also remember children have to be taught hate so their parents are the culprits behind the meanness. Maybe try to raise awareness in your community about different races and how to appreciate each others differences. I know it's tough but show the people who hurt you the most love and pray for them. How could they possibly keep saying deregatory things if you show them love and compassion. I feel sad for your kids and this is why the cycle repeats itself with hatred. These people are torturing your family which in turn could possibly give your kids a bad feeling about white people( I'm assuming the majority of people your having trouble with are white). I hope I helped you and if you teach your kids self acceptance and they are confident then none of these ignorant people can bring them down. I also want to add that even though it's wrong for you to have to live like this please just make sure there are extra efforts put into keeping the kids safe. That scares me and I know has to terrify you. Talk to the school ( quietly bc making a huge deal will only make it tougher for your kids) and explain the situation so they pay extra attention to your kids and their well being .

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Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/17/2013

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I guess what doesn't kill us makes us stronger . I have been accused of being a " typical white person" ( whatever that
Means" by a girl who was taught to hate white people in general . I explained to this woman that I go on a missionary trip every four Years to Africa to help kids in orphanages , and I have done more for her race then she has. She didn't know what to say after that. It seems no matter how loving and accepting we try to be that there will always be people who hate us just bc of the skin we were born with

Felisha - posted on 05/17/2013

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Thankyou for the advice. Yes I do teach my kids that its not right to judge other people on anything, may it be skin color or anything else. They know that God loves all despite the differences of others. It just hurts my kids when they get called all kinds of names and treated unfairly because of it. It bothers me to the extreme when I hear people classify us as "ghetto" just because of our color. They don't see that we are living well, we don't hang out and talk disrespectful. They don't care that I worked as a RN until I got sick with cancer. They just see skin and say "here comes the trouble". I know we just need to move but its so hard being s weak at the moment. Plus, I am not comfortable in the town we was born and raised in. It is very unsafe. Its funny how many people classify us as "hood" even though I am well educated and church going. Thanks for the advice though I do appreciate it. I am trying to figure out something.

Felisha - posted on 05/12/2013

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Thankyou for the feed back. Being this is such a small town, there are no public resources that offer anything here. And the funniest part of being here. I even called department of human services to see if they offer things for children and different camps and such being that I don't know of any. They took my name and number and address and said they would check into it. A day later, they was at my house with a child abuse assessment because I called them. Lol I think its funny because I only called them to see if they knew of any camps or things I might be unaware of. They said they was concerned because I called in the first place and they took that as me reaching out for help in a whole different aspect. lol Of course they found nothing and they ended the investigation. But it is still funny to me. But I will keep looking. My kids being light-skinned shouldn't bother anyone but we can't make people like us and be nice to us. So I will just do my best and keep looking.

Angela - posted on 05/10/2013

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The issue here is people need to look past the outward appearance of any individual. People should become friends based on their interests, their passions and their values. To judge someone or decide whether you like that person based on their racial origin or skin colour is rather like rejecting a gift based on how it's wrapped! This would be pretty foolish as you have no idea what's in that parcel until the wrapping is removed!

I'm British and live in England. A friend of mine, back in my home town is white and her husband is Asian - Pakistani to be exact. Her children when they were young had a hard time at school. There were plenty of white children and also plenty of children from Pakistani families. My friends kids were called "Pakis" by the white, British children who didn't want to know them. The children from Pakistani families didn't want to know them either - because they couldn't speak Urdu.

I'm sorry to hear about your health problems and I know that possibly being indisposed because of them might make your options narrower. Try and find out what other people, both children and adults, would like in your town. See how you might work towards meeting that need. Check out public funding resources. If you and your children can initiate ANYTHING that improves small town life for local people, believe me, you'll all win friends, regardless of your ethnic origins.

Good luck.

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