skipping school

Cynthia - posted on 10/13/2011 ( 31 moms have responded )

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My 17 year old step son has been skipping class. what is a punishments i can use for this. what would you do if you found out that your teen only has 40 of 126 hours in class?

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Constance - posted on 10/13/2011

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Job Corbs can be a good alternative but if he likes school sucks now. Then he surely doesn't want to go there.

Constance - posted on 10/13/2011

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As parents we have responsiblity to our children and the law. Now a days you can go to jail for your kids skipping class. I personally am not going to be arrested for my kids skpping class. They will attend school and it isn't even a discussion.

Kellie - posted on 10/13/2011

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At 17, they are almost an adult and capable of making their own decisions. Maybe they no longer want to go to school, maybe they want to go to TAFE and learn a trade, become a Plumber/Hairdresser/Chef, whatever, Rather than forcing them to do something they don't want to do, I'd work with them finding an alturnative that they DO want to do. As long as it's not sitting on their ass doing nothing all day, I'm open.

Sometimes Natural consequences are our biggest teacher of all.

Constance - posted on 10/13/2011

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Kelli I do communicate with all my kids. They come to me for everything. We talk about everything. It is the first line of defense in our home to place a strong punishment on any of our children. There are rules and they are expected to do as they are told.

Sherri - posted on 10/13/2011

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Kellie sometimes you can talk to teenagers till your blue in the face. It doesn't always work, I know I have 2.

However, embarrassing the ever living crap out of them and making their lives miserable for a period of time wow the amazing positive effect that has. That is pretty much a guarantee they will never do that again. The consequences pretty much are not worth it. Cause and effect.

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Cynthia - posted on 11/01/2011

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well so much for punishing a 17 year old. where i'm from 17 is considered an adult. my step son is now living with his bio mom. normally i would not have a problem with this but he and she did it in a sneaky way. she picked him up for the weekend then sent an email telling us that he is going to live with her and theres nothing we can do about it. she is the same person that dropped him out with a trash bag of clothes years ago b4 i was married to his dad. one day a little boy knocked on my door and told me that he was my boyfriends son. i have loved him since that day. and now because i pissed him off he went back to her. idk what i would have done different. right now i'm just trying to move on. i am so sad that he is gone. his bio mom has no idea what she is doing. i cant believe her. i just want my boy back. i called the cops and they told me that at 17 there was not anything they could do. so now what? he did not even say good bye to me, his brothers or his dad...

Nicole - posted on 10/31/2011

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I found this post because I am having issues with my son who is 17, skipping school. I have BOTH ....1) to communicate to get a response saying I'm not Dr Phil and "they know" the consequences, ie: no college, no good paying job etc. Punishment seems to only get a cocky arrogant attitude and does listen to the reprimand, but continues to skip. I have spoken with the principal and guidance councillor and they can only "guide", and well, that is being ignored as well. I feel I am at wits end. It's a battle that has hit the wall. I'm almost ready to treat him as an alcoholic and let it all go to my higher power. I'm not giving up, but I just don't know what else to do.

Cynthia - posted on 10/13/2011

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my house is all shinny. i kept him busy all day cleaning, moping, washing everything. i took his computer, and phone even his TV. his BM did not have anything to say and his dad told me t do as i saw fit and said he would support what ever i choose. he will keep cleaning my house until i can get him a place to volunteer. I am hoping he can work at a soup kitchen or maybe help out at a food bank or thrift store. i am so mad! a few weeks ago he crashed my car so i made him get a job. his dad said he had to quit because he needs to focus on his school work. so now i have a teenager that thinks he is just going to lay around and do nothing. but come Monday things are not going to be so comfortable anymore and school will be the best thing about his day. i can't go to school with him but i love the idea. I love my step son so much and i want him to get a fair start at life. i want him to be able to take care of himself and right now i don't believe he can. to me it is sad that in 5 months he will be 18 and free to do what he wants. it scares me.

Kellie - posted on 10/13/2011

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I live in Australia, we have a lot of different options, and I believe, in my state at least, the legal age to drop out is 15, it's possible they upped it to 16.

I guess TAFE is like a trade school, you can get certificates and diploma's there for all sorts of things, you can even use it as a stepping stone to Uni if you wish.

In my state too, even if you haven't completed High School you can still a) get a job, decent ones too (I will not distinguish between becoming a toilet cleaner Vs a doctor, as BOTH have a very important purpose), B) go back and finish high school or even once you are mature age (21) sit whats called a STAT test and get into uni, all without passing year 12 and having someone elses wants forced onto you.

I love my country more and more. I do not believe a parent should go to jail for a child not attending school (it can happen here too), and I do not believe a government should have so much power over me that I HAVE to attend school until I'm 18.

Cynthia - posted on 10/13/2011

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thanks ladies. i want to assure you all that i have talked to my son. i know what the core of the problem is and it does need a punishment. my son did not just start skipping class. he has only been there 1/3 of the time. i drop him off at the front and he goes out the back door. his reason was because school sucks... and there are girls at the mall. thats about all the talking i wanted to do. i told him about not getting into collage i told him about the line of people at the food bank. i told him how hard it is to get a good paying job and how important school is. now i got him cleaning my yard but idk if he will do it again. we talked about job corps. does anyone think that is a good idea?

Constance - posted on 10/13/2011

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Once my kids graduate from high school then they can attend a trade school. But they will have that diploma. I watched my dad bust his ass for over 35 yrs. for a company that screwed him. He didn't have a diploma an could not get a job because of that little piece of paper. He did get a GED. vxperiece alone was not enough. My chidren will not struggle like that ever.

Sherri - posted on 10/13/2011

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Okay in my state you can not drop out until 18yrs old and I don't know what TAFE is but we don't have one. So they have no other alternative but to remain in high school and attend it till 18. Because if they don't attend the parents very well could end up in jail and fined for a childs truancy.

Sherri - posted on 10/13/2011

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solution such as taking them to school, sitting with them in class, attending recess/lunch, doesn't stop the behavior in the long term, it just stops it for now.

Depending on the child. Know your child and know what works best for them. For some kids it is 100% the answer for others it isn't.

Also so if this was your child beside talking to them what are the consequences for their actions??

Sherri - posted on 10/13/2011

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I am not stalking them embarrassing possibly. However, if they can not be trusted to attend school like they should then you can bet your butt I will be attending school with them. Attending school is non negotiable. If they refuse I will assure they attend.



Obviously the talk would be first, if they chose not to attend after that then then next course of action would be yes attending with them. If it embarrassed them so be it.



You screw up own it and accept the consequences. You knew what they were and you opted to still disobey so here we are.



I am stalked and very often embarrassed by my bosses everyday they are called my kids. LOL!!!

Kellie - posted on 10/13/2011

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Oh and I don't really see how communicating and getting to the core of the issue is coddling. Getting to the core is imperative if you want to fix the issue, a bandaid (plaster?) solution such as taking them to school, sitting with them in class, attending recess/lunch, doesn't stop the behavior in the long term, it just stops it for now.

Kellie - posted on 10/13/2011

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By taking them to school, stalking and embarrassing them is not how it is at the real world. Your boss (unless it's my control crazy ex boss) doesn't stalk and embarrass you around your workplace.

Sherri - posted on 10/13/2011

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Kelly I am not patronizing you and I NEVER claimed to know it all. I just saying I do talk to my kids everyday actually other than when they are in school I am with them 24/7. We have a great relationship.

All I was trying to get across is talking doesn't always work to get the behavior you want. So a lot of times more drastic measures need to be taken.

That's all just trying to say. Also I feel like treating them how they will be treated in the real world is a heck of lot more helpful then coddling them too. They need to know what to expect and is expected of them in the real world. My kids will be more than prepared for that.

Constance - posted on 10/13/2011

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No Kelli I have I have issues with my keyboard. I didn't read it before I posted.

It is not our first line

Constance - posted on 10/13/2011

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Kelli My husband and I made a policy years ago about our childen. Schools is umber one proity. No debate. But we also set up that if they go out with friends and get into something they shouldn't then call we will come get you. That is exactly what we have taught our kids and to this day our 19 yr old has never gotten into a car with anyone who has been drinking or been doing drugs. No I don't want my kids drinking and I surely do tem usig rugs but at least they call when they need to be picked up.

Yes communication works but not in every situation.

Kellie - posted on 10/13/2011

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Did I read that correctly Constance? You first line of defense is a strong punishment?

If so why isn't the talking a first priority rather than punish first, talk later? I'm not being a smart ass I really want to know.

Kellie - posted on 10/13/2011

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I doubt it Sherri, I have extensive experience with children and teens, troubled, I've been through things most people have never experienced and I'm angry, hurt and lashing out teens. They ALWAYS responded when approached with respect.

Just because you have a teen and I don't, doesn't mean you know it all either, so please don't patronize me.

I find with people, especially teens, a communication and a little understanding goes a long way.

Sherri - posted on 10/13/2011

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It is treating them like human beings. Cause and effect if you screw up as an adult and break the rules at your job and yes school is their job, your boss isn't going to be nicey nicey to you he is simply going to fire your ass.

That is really life and dealing with the consequences. You don't go to school like you are supposed too then the consequences are that I go with you to make sure you go because you can't be trusted and it isn't optional that you are going.

I am not saying don't talk to your kid but they still have to pay the consequences even with the talk.

Of course I will be anxious to see how you feel when your children are actual teenagers and not babies. Then I imagine your theories and views may change when simple talking doesn't work.

Kellie - posted on 10/13/2011

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How is communicating with them having the situation fixing itself? Getting to the root of an issues will fix something, for good. Embarrassing and humiliation only serves to IMO, fix the behavior for right now, chances are the behaviour will resurface if it's not fixed at the root.

Kellie - posted on 10/13/2011

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Sorry, but I don't believe embarrassing them and stalking their every movement fixes anything, at least not long term.

I've found by treating people, yes even teenagers, like human beings with thoughts and feelings works just as effectively.

Constance - posted on 10/13/2011

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Sherri I agree with you. I have 5 teenagers. Communication doesn't always work.

Kelli, School is way to important to just think it will fix itself. I don't consider it a punishment to make them atted at all costs.

Kellie - posted on 10/13/2011

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Why do our minds automatically go straight to punishment? Must. Punish. At. All. Costs!

How about, instead of going straight to punishment you gain understanding of the behavior. How about, you sit your son down and TALK to him. Ask him WHY he's skipping school, ask him HOW he's feeling, is this a new thing? If so why is he all of a sudden skipping school when it's not something he's done before. If it's not new and he's always skipped school, why?

Communication will help you and your son much more effectively than any punishment can.

Just a thought.

Sherri - posted on 10/13/2011

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I would be personally accompanying them to school everyday. That would fix his rear end.

Constance - posted on 10/13/2011

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My 12 yr old tried that this year. I have full custody because his mom is a herion addict. He hasn't had a lot of supervision and last year he failed the 5th grade for the second time. SO when hestarted that again he was going to know I wasn't playing with him. I went with him to al his classes. Including lunch and recess. For two straight weeks. I embarrassed him the only way a mom can embarrass a son. Lots of hugs and kisses.

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