small problem with mother-in-law

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

i usually get along very well with my mother-in-law, and she's usually very good at letting me be the parent and not poking her nose around in my business. EXCEPT since my son has been born, and i believe its time to take away my daughters pacifier. shes 17 months, and completely dependent on the bloody thing. i took her bottles away when she was 13 months, and even though my MIL thought it was too early, she didnt really annoy me with "shes too young" like she is now. she says "awww, but shes still a baby, shes too young to take it away", and "well, it'll be hard when tanya [my niece, who is the same age and lives with her, and still has her bottles and paci and is all around very spoiled and treated like shes 7 months old but thats another rant right there] has hers". im just about at the point where i dont want to go to her house anymore, because my daughter will find a soother of her cousins and when i take it away, my mil says "aw, she needs it... let her have it". it drives me crazy! i dont want to wait until ive heard it so many times that i blow up and yell at her, because we do have a pretty good relationship, but other times i have tried politely to tell her to back off (mostly about wedding plans a while back) she acts like im a bitch and i hate her. which isnt the case. im just frustrated that she acts like that. just because her other granddaughter shes pretty much raising (my sil works a full time and a part time job and is busy 20+ hours a day, so her mom watches her daughter) doesnt give her an excuse to try and be the mom to mine, when im a sahm... anyway, sorry for the rambling, i just need suggestions on a polite, non-aggressive way to tell her to let me be the parent and i dont need her opinions on the subject, especially when our thoughts are the total opposite on the subject? thanks...

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Karla - posted on 11/29/2010

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My son used a paci and we got rid of it at 18 months....this is how. For a couple of weeks, we allowed it ONLY at naptime and bedtime. Then one day before naptime, I cut the tip of the paci off. I put him down for his nap as usual and acted like nothing was different and didn't say anything about it. He tried to suck on it but acted like something "wasn't quite right". But he just went to sleep. Same thing at bedtime. I just left the cut off paci in his crib, but after 3-4 days...he didn't even try it and I threw it away.



As far a MIL goes, I don't know how often you visit, but I would just avoid going over while you are weaning off of the paci's. Within a month or so of weaning off, my son would see them at a friend's house, but honestly acted as though he didn't remember them.



I agree with Bonnie that you should do it sooner than later because they are much more flexible about such things at 18 months than when they are 2......WAY more flexible.



Good Luck!!!!

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JuLeah - posted on 11/29/2010

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Step back and look at the big picture. Can you close your eyes and see your daughter's graduation from high school? Does she have her pacifier in her mouth :)
Kids all grow up and out grow such things in time. It is likely not worth a fight or tears. She is a baby still and I am a big fan of 'let them be little'
She will have her whole adult life to deal .... some suggest if you take such things away too soon the kid is more likely to over eat or smoke as an adult - maybe or maybe not, but clearly there is a need for it in her mind (your daughter's) so really, what is the big deal? If she were 7 and you were posting this I'd think maybe you were right to draw a line, but 17 months is really just a baby
Is this about your daughter and her paci or you wanting to draw a line with your MIL?

Bonnie - posted on 11/29/2010

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The earlier you take it away the better. The older children get, the more attached they get to those items. Both my boys were done with the pacifier by 5-6 months and bottles by 11 months.

Sneaky - posted on 11/29/2010

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Tell her your doctor/dentist/nurse/pediatrician/whoever recommended that you take the pacifier away NOW, before it impacts on her teeth and speech development. A gentle reminder that the recommendations that health care professionals make today are based on current research and may be different than what was recommended when she had young children may be necessary.

If gentle doesn't work, you could always just lay down the law - my daughter doesn't visit you until I know that you will not give her a pacifier. You are the mum! Your rules go and if she can't accept that then she has to take the consequences.

BTW, inside I am giggling right now because the recommendations I received was that it was best to take the pacifier away at six months! Your MIL would have had a stroke!!!!!! :o)

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