Smoking around the little ones... Advice?

Karlee - posted on 05/10/2012 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Okay so here is the deal. Im 20 years old, My fiance is 22. We have the worlds most amazing little boy whos 7 months old and counting. Our life is pretty much golden except one major detail. My mother in-law. We live with her because Allen ( fiance ) just got out of the military last year and he was stationed in Washington state. Thats where we met. When he was discharged, i moved back to his homeland, Alabama. We had no place to live so our only option was to move in with his mom. There are alot of things wrong with the conditions we have to live in but ill just stick with the things that bothers me the most. She smokes a carton of cigarettes in a few days, and she does it in the house. Around my son, whom is still developing and growing. We have asked her to go outside and smoke just for the sake of our son. And we have asked her to not smoke in the car. (Our car was repo'ed but thats another story ) I dont know what to do. I belive my son in already showing signs of asthma, Next week we are getting him checked out for it. I just need someone to give me some good advice on how to get her to atleast respect my son and my unborn. Because im at my whits end with it. We are trying to move out but times are hard right now.

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Have you tried public assistance? Last year my husband and I had to move (long story) and we were able to get public assistance to help us pay for first and last month's rent and a deposit on a new place. We have to pay it back but because of what our income was at the time, we didn't have to pay the whole thing. They gave us $1100 and we had to pay back $750. They split it up into monthly installments. You'd at least be in your own place and away from the smoke that way. And then you can work on getting furniture, etc. Also, lots of places donate things to people in need, including furniture. You just have to research and find out what's available in your area. Try going to the social services office and start there. They should have a list of resources available to you. And while you're at it, apply for insurance, food stamps, WIC, anything they have available. That's what the help is there for and you definitely sound like you need it.

Jodi - posted on 05/11/2012

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Yeah, unfortunately you are caught in a difficult situation. It's times like this that I am thankful that they have now brought in a law here that you cannot smoke in a car with a child under 16. Great move. Times like this I wish there was also a law that you cannot smoke inside a house where any children under 16 reside, wouldn't that be great? Not likely to happen though.



As the others have said, it is her house and her car, so her rules. Maybe one way to discourage her might be to get a letter from your son's doctor about his health? The thing is, she probably smoked around her own children when they were growing up too, and her view is it hasn't done any harm to them, so she can't see the problem.

Chrystal - posted on 05/11/2012

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We had to live with my parents for a little while and my mother smokes. Here is the thing it's not your house so I'm sorry you don't make the rules figure out a way to get you guys out of that house as soon as possible if you don't want your son around smoke. We moved out of my mothers with nothing but our clothes and a play pen. We hit garage sales, goodwill, salvation army, free cycle, and any other cheap source for stuff. It's not easy but it can be done.

User - posted on 05/11/2012

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Thanks guys for the advice! My son recently had an ear infection and it was because of the Smoking in the house. We told her and even showed her the paperwork from the doctors but it didnt seem to phase her. She is the kind of person where she thinks she is all knowing. So of course she shot down what the doctor had wrote down clearly on paper.

Im going to check into that public assistance today and see what they can do for us!

Louise - posted on 05/11/2012

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Your mother in law does not seem to think there is anything wrong with smoking! She is not going to change and go outside in her own home. Your only hope is to try and keep him away from the smoke and to move out as soon as you can. Even if he is diagnosed with asthma she will not stop. My advice is to find another family member to help you out. This woman is selfish enough to put her grandchildren at risk. I feel sorry for you, there really is nothing you can do.

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Dora - posted on 05/11/2012

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Wow my heart goes out to you. That is such a tough situation. I know times are tough but try to apply for public assistance. There must be something you guys are entitled to because of the military. Even if it means moving into a studio apartment, just do it. As for getting stuff for your baby go to a thrift store. You can find some really great things in a thrift store. Also get involved with a group on Facebook that involves moms in your state. From there ask them if there is anyone who is looking to get rid of baby stuff. Mom 2 Mom is a good one. I wish you lived on Long Island, NY cause there is plenty of stuff I could have given you at no cost. Also if you can't afford a crib cause even the less expensive ones are costly get a pack and play. Both of my sons slept in one right next to my bed when they were first born. I never went for a bassinet because babies out grow them. With a pack and play they can get years of use out of them and you can take them with you when go on a trip, etc..... I wish you all the luck. Also I may be out of line but reading how your mother in law views things and acts if I were you I would NEVER allow my kids to go to her house without you being there. She obviously doesn't care about their health.

Dove - posted on 05/11/2012

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Knowing she's a smoker I never would've moved in there in the first place, so I hope you can get out asap.

S. - posted on 05/11/2012

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Wow that is a hard one, see I'v always asked people in there own homes not to smoke if my kids are there and if they would refuse (which has never happened) I simply wouldn't go round but it's a different matter when you live there I can't see that you can do anything about it apart from try to work towards getting your own place.

Sally - posted on 05/11/2012

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I was just thinking if this was my mum she'd have told us to f.off , its her house and you know she'd be right cos shes doing us a favour. I also know that if she found out we had been talking to the doctor abot it she'd be livid. Think you got grit your teeth for now and work to-wards your own place. Until then don't rock the boat.

Sally - posted on 05/11/2012

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I hate to say this but if shes not willing to do as you ask then theres not a lot you can do. Her house,her car, her rules. I know its not what you want to hear and i really hope she comes round.

User - posted on 05/10/2012

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Thats something i hate to hear. But your probably right. Knowing that makes me not want to have my children over here when we do move out because of how unhealthy it is here.

Stifler's - posted on 05/10/2012

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I hate to say it but she's probably had this habit / attitude since she started smoking. It's probably never going to change.

User - posted on 05/10/2012

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I agree with you 100%! And we are trying to move out. But because we have no car he is having to use his mom for a ride to and from work and we pay her the gas money to do so. So we have to get a car first. And then we have to move out. But the only thing is we have NO furniture of our own. We dont even have a crib for our son. ( we are borrowing hers) and the one he is useing we have to leave here when we move. there is just so much that we need and cant get help with is causing us to be stuck in the wretched place.

Dawn - posted on 05/10/2012

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You are def in a tough situation it's hard to ask someone to go outside and smoke in their own home, but if your baby has medical issues and her smoking is affecting that then I would hope for the sake of her grandchild she would. If not then you really need to work on getting your own place ASAP!!

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