SnapChat Nudes

SHERILYNN - posted on 11/10/2016 ( 27 moms have responded )

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Hello. I just found out that my 13 yr old sent a nude to her boyfriend. I found out by reading her diary!! Her older sisters suggested that I do NOT tell her I read her diary. So, I found a spy software that will let me see all pics sent and received on SnapChat. Have any of you had any experience with this?

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Dove - posted on 11/10/2016

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She should not have access to any device that is compatible w/ SnapChat. She has participated in child pornography now and could suffer severe legal consequences. She has proven that she is not old enough or mature enough to be allowed any unsupervised access to technology.. or any phone capable of taking/sending pictures. You reading her diary should be the least of both of your worries. She will likely be very upset to discover that you did that, but do not let her use that anger to deflect from the severity of her actions. It is your JOB to protect and teach her... and she needs a wake up call real fast.

Michelle - posted on 11/10/2016

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So why does she still have her phone/access to snapchat?
The first thing you need to do is take away the access. You also need to have a serious conversation about the repercussions of sending naked photo's. It is classed as child pornography and is a very serious offense.
I wouldn't care that she would be upset about you reading her diary, what she has done is a lot more serious than even your older daughters know (by the sound of it).

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/12/2016

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Thank you, Michelle! I hate to be that way, but...

Michelle - posted on 11/12/2016

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Chris: I have tolerated you so far and the other men on here don't cause as much angst as you do. This is called circle of MOMS for a reason. I am going to suspend your posting abilities for 24 hours.
Michelle,
WtCoM Mod.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/11/2016

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Chris, stop thinking that you are the center of this little universe. How in the world did you decide that dove was responding to your post? YOU did not handle a thing in this situation, and I really wish the mods would shut you down. You are a male. Your views on discipline are abusive. You want to frequent a sick, twisted page that other blatant abusers use, and you are just creepy.

Sherilynn, good job. I did giggle at your comment about yelling at the twits on dt. Phil! Hang in there and keep up the good work!

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Dove - posted on 11/12/2016

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lol I'm Facebook friends w/ Shawnn and she's seen pictures of me and my kids... so good luck trying to convince her that I'm not female. ;)

Chris - posted on 11/12/2016

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Shawn : There are other men involved in other conversations. I do not see me, especially I would not have the right to intervene in discusions, and others, yes!
The purpose of Circle of moms is that mothers explain their problem and have other people a solution. If the answers are not correct, and that I think can help mothers in distress, I do. And I find it normal to help people in need seen society and world that we live.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/11/2016

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Go away Chris. You really don't belong on a site for women.

Chris - posted on 11/11/2016

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I have thinked Dove responding me because i seen in my mail message Dove responded conversation just after the my message.
And in several message did by me, Dove responding me the last week.
It was an error all easily.

Dove isn't perhaps a female. In France there is a celebritie man, male named Dove Attia, he did show musical and he was jury in a show tv for research singer too.
Dove is a chistianname male, and if Dove is woman, female too.

Ev - posted on 11/11/2016

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Monica--it is also law on federal level and it does not matter if minor or not.

Chris - posted on 11/11/2016

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Dove : You have reason, I no seen you posted at the same time than you.
Ok, I'am sorry if i thinked you post was for me.

Dove - posted on 11/11/2016

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You posted at the same time that I did, Chris. My response had nothing to do w/ you. You still creep me the heck out and nothing will ever change that.

Chris - posted on 11/11/2016

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If you find Dove, that I made a good answer in this conversation so much the better. Thank you.

Monica - posted on 11/11/2016

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Hello ALL,

Because of the confusion, I decided to post a link to a relevant article regarding the law on this matter. There appears to be a split in US authority, so it would depend on the state in which Sherilynn lives. I know that in my state, it is NOT illegal.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/sep/20/teen-prosecuted-naked-images-himself-phone-selfies

But I want to reiterate that I believe that either the phone or the snap chat application should be taken away. I very much agree with posters on here who say that her photos will come back to haunt her in the future.

Monica

Dove - posted on 11/11/2016

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It sounds like you handled it well. No one expected/wanted you to freak out on her. Just get the message in... which you, hopefully, did.

Chris - posted on 11/11/2016

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You do not have to tell your daughter that you read her diary because it's private. Aim just use a trick. If she scored that she sent a nude photo to a friend, and I assume you are using the same computer, so it's easy to prime the problem with it.
Say one day that you have discovered the trace of a nude photo in the navigation of the websites and / or sending this famous photo.
And you've erased it completely because it can become risky to her.
A naked photo of her that the friend owns, the day when there is a break, he can show it on the net and worse things even more serious. And this can ultimately lead your daughter to suicide. This case has already happened in your country by a student that a boy had sent a nude or nude video. And he showed it on several websites. And she committed suicide.

You have to say it's very dangerous to do this without punishing her. She certainly by sending this photo try to seduce her, because perhaps she could not approach him and tell him his feelings.

Michelle - posted on 11/11/2016

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I'm (almost) 42 and never had the same technology either.
My son has been grounded for the rest of the school year (I'm in Australia so the year ends mid December) and he is peeved at me!!! His isn't anything to do with abusing technology though, he has been skipping classes.
We have also banned him from technology before and have even gone as far as changing the WiFi password and not told him what it was.
The thing is, he does understand why he is being punished and accepts it. He stills talks to me and we still have a close relationship.

SHERILYNN - posted on 11/11/2016

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Hi Ladies. Thank you all for your responses. Obviously, this is a hot topic. I do want you all to know, that I DO understand the seriousness of her actions. I am NOT the ignorant mother that I scream at when I see her on Dr. Phil! I am a hard strict mom and keep a tight watch on my daughter. I ask for her phone at any time I want and go through it, read her stuff to check up. She is aware of this. I've always told her that I would "stoop" to any level to keep watch and keep her safe. Me not telling her about reading her diary was not about upsetting her, it was about knowing she'll most likely never write again and losing that route into her life. When I read it, I got into my truck and was in front of her school ready to go in, yank her out and have world ware III on her!! But, I called her older step sister. I am glad that I did. Because by the time I did talk to her last night, I had calmed down and was able to communicate w/ her not just from Anger, but from Love and Understanding and portray the seriousness of this. Teens are going to screw up! Unfortunately, it is SO different than what I did as a teen, because of all of this technology. I needed her to understand that yes I was mad as hell, but more importantly, I was afraid at how this could effect her life, her reputation, her last years of school, college, jobs, etc. I needed her to HEAR me, not just Rage on her! If I do that everytime she screws up, she'll shut down and never trust my open door. The consequences our kids face today is by far more detrimental than any of us ever had to deal with! I'm 52 years old. This technology was nowhere around when I was a kid. So, it was a great conversation last night. And it isn't finished. I believe that she DID hear me. She wept and told me that she was tired of having the Prude, Goody TuShu reputation. I told her that is the BEST reputation to have. I am happy w/ how I handled it and our conversation, because she opened up to me, and did not just clam up. Yes, she has lost all privileges, etc., and she knows that she has a long road ahead to rebuild my trust and her privileges. I thank you all so much for Caring enough about our babies to take the time to respond. This is the hardest, scariest job on Earth!! And today, with all this technology, it is beyond scary!!! It changes daily. I wish I could turn the clock back. I can only do my best to guide her through this land mine field. But, she is taking steps I never had to deal with in my lifetime, and I have to understand and respect that also. I have to allow her to let her screw up so that she can learn, but I have to know when to step in and pull her back, which is what I did last night. I am getting ready now to go listen and watch her read her Veteran's Day Essay that she won First Place for and will read in front of the school today. Again, I humbly thank you all!!! I am glad that I found this blog, chat, whatever it is called nowadays. It truly does take a Village!!! Namaste

Michelle - posted on 11/11/2016

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If you can't see the seriousness of the situation you are going to have a lot more problems in the nest few years.
Like we have said, her knowing that you have read her diary is the least of the problems.
Like the other ladies have said, she is distributing child pornography and that is a criminal offence. It can ruin the rest of her life. It's YOUR job to teach her right and wrong and actually discipline her. You need to take away all her access to technology!

Jodi - posted on 11/11/2016

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"However, I KNOW that she did not violate the law. People here saying that a self pic is child porn are incorrect."

Monica, actually, you are incorrect. Even if a girls sends a picture of herself, she is distributing child porn. There are potential legal implications to that. I don't know where your information came from, but it is wrong.

To Sherilynn, your daughter should not even have snapchat. Sure, the legal age is 13, but I assure you, 13 year olds do NOT know how to use social media appropriately. They can barely even socialise appropriately in person, and it is our job to teach them. But giving them social media tools is a recipe for disaster. Having seen the outcomes of social media use amongst teens on a DAILY basis, I would never give my child access to these tools at this age. At 16 I'd consider it, depending on the child, but never at this age.

My 11 year old has an iPod. She can only download apps that I approve. How do I control that? I own the appstore password and I have her iPod passcode. If she EVER changes her passcode and doesn't tell me, she loses it. I can check her iPod anytime I ask. That will remain the rules in my house until she is at an age I approve. The iPod is only used under supervision and does not leave the house unless under my supervision.

Your daughter has demonstrated she is not responsible or self-disciplined enough to have this device. So what if you read it in her diary. It is more important that you have the conversation with her about the behaviour and the potential consequences and the seriousness of this situation.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/10/2016

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Monica, where have you been? ANYONE sending a nude picture of a child under age can be prosecuted for child pornography. IT DOES NOT MATTER if the sender was the underage child. If the recipients parents want to call the law, they would not be out of bounds. Take your blinders off, my dear lady! It's been that way since MY kids were under age(10 years ago) and if anything, the penalties are stiffer now than they were then.

Dove - posted on 11/10/2016

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A 13 year old can not legally consent to the act... even if they are the ones committing the act. It is very much illegal and has a lifetime risk of consequences. If you believe otherwise... please don't ever let your children/teens near any internet device whatsoever because it is they who are at risk to suffer the consequences for your ignorance.

Ev - posted on 11/10/2016

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Monica--You better inform yourself more so on the law. It is against the law for anyone of any age to participate in child porn. The two moms here that have said this have mostly grown kids and some still growing and I am the parent of recent adult children in age. This girl will loose out on a lot of things if these pictures get into the right hands. Also when she decides on colleges she might not get in because of that. Jobs will also be hard to come by if it is found out not to mention the legal trouble she could be involved with.

Monica - posted on 11/10/2016

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Sherilynn,

I of course as mentioned believe that your daughter was wrong to send naked pictures of herself. However, I KNOW that she did not violate the law. People here saying that a self pic is child porn are incorrect. If it were my daughter, I would just uninstall snapchat from her phone. I would not tell her that you read her diary, because it is a good source of information. Or you could leave snapchat and the mSpy software and see what she is doing.

Monica

SHERILYNN - posted on 11/10/2016

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Thank you Monica. Yes, these conversations have happened SEVERAL times! She knows that, which makes it even more infuriating! the software is called mSpy. It is one of the FEW that i could find that allowed access to SnapChat, which is the culprit! My question is: Do I tell her I am installing it onto her phone? Or, do I not, and do so secretly?

Monica - posted on 11/10/2016

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Hello Sherilynn,

I have three girls. My oldest, Carolina, is 14 years old. She has viewed adult material on the computer, which resulted in discipline of course. I have not found the software that you are describing, but I would like to know the name of the software program. You need to explain to her that those pictures will be seen by many people and cannot be taken off of the internet. She needs to be more modest and not send naked pictures of herself to anyone. She cannot even trust her boyfriend, because he may show them to his friends or they may break up at some point.

Monica

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