SO my husband is a stay at home dad and i hate it!

Vita - posted on 09/07/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )




Since i met my husband he has been in and out of jobs. A few months before we met he lost the job of a lifetime that he loved. he claims for innocent reasons but i dont know anymore. Maybe he deserved it. Anyways. so since then he has juggled jobs and we even lived off of donating plasma. I worked fulltime when we met and got pregnant not too long after. When i was about 7 months i got hurt in an accident and had to take time off. he still couldnt "find" a job and we were living so terribly. I finally was able to get back to work but missed my baby soooo much. Eventually i decided with a friend that i wanted a career than a simple minimum wage retail job. Husband got a decent job making no more than i was and let me go to school. I went to school and eventually dropped out because he couldnt handle the work load. I found another job and worked some months there and came across a scholarship i got for a wonderful school that i could get a great job from, so i quit work and went to school full time. While hubby managed to keep small jobs. But, once again once school was out he stopped working and i got a job. Its almost like, he works just enough to get us by until i can. Well i dont plan on leaving this job ever, and he doesnt plan on working. i need him to work for my sanity. selfish? maybe. But im totally jealous. I bust my ass doing what i would consider a mans job. Yes i choose a very physical job, but its the career i want, and i want to be able to support my children. Since my husband wont. So it was half a choice and half based on the money. But now, i work anywhere from 50-60 hours a week laboring and hes staying home with the kido. When i get home hes video gaming, reading, or eating. Theres never anything to eat. nothing for my lunches. And the house is a disaster. i do it all. all of it! And if thats not worse, half of the trash i find in my house is all from his friends. he has them come over while im gone like a teenager and leave right before i get off work. he lives off of social enjoyment and im the opposite. And i cant get over that. i dont see why he needs people all the time. if he does soooo much why doesnt he get a job and meet people. or go out with friends like normal. why do they always have to come trash my house. they cant even have the respect to find the trash can! iv spoke to him numerously about my concerns (nicely of cource) and all i get in return is anger. i guess i make him feel imasculated. But i dont know what else to do. he chose to stay at home, but wont take on the job. i want to give up. sorry its so long thanks for reading, i also dont have any friends or social time to myself.


Janelle - posted on 09/07/2012




I would NEVER put up with a "man" like this. If it was me, I would expect him to have the house cleaned and dinner ready. There is no excuse for him to act like such a child! What if he is neglecting your child while he has friends over doing who knows what and trashing the place. Maybe you should get a nanny cam to check out what he does during the day. Nobody should have to deal with this, man or woman. He probably gets angry when you bring it up since he has it so good and doesn't want to ever stop being lazy. If you really love him and don't want to put up with his disrespect for the rest of your life then tell him he needs to either do all chores and dinner or that he needs to get a job and contribute something. If he refuses then I would leave his sorry ass. That behavior is a bad influence on your child. Neither of you deserve it. I don't think I could live with myself if I acted the way that he does.


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Terasa - posted on 01/28/2013




Omg it is like reading my life story when i seen your story. I have been with this man for three years. Great relationshop in the begining but thing changed.i came in to the relationship with four kids and then we had one together two years ago. He is learning disabled so he is a stay at home dad. I work my butt off and then come home at 8pm and kids are still up,dont have their homework done, didnt make a full meal its usually like mac and cheese and some chicken with no vegetable or fruit, and my house is trashed. whenever I say anything about it he gets so angry and walks out. When i have a day off I have to do the cooking the cleaning and take care of the kids and he takes off. Its makes me so mad and i am so stressed all the time. He is always working on his projects and hanging with his brother or his friends. Always leaving. But sure enough when its time for bed he wants pleasure from me. Most of the time i roll over and go to bed. i cant talk to him about and tried to get us in to couples therapy, he says he will go but then turns it down later. He does anything he can to change the subject when i am trying to talk to him about any problems that we are having. And on top of it all he had his brother living in my basement. OMG another unemployed looser not paying bills. i hate my life and all i want to do is run away. i hope your relationship gets better but if you figure out a solution let me know

Angela - posted on 09/07/2012




If he's ignoring you, tackle his friends! Shame them1

Might I be correct in assuming he is the only one who is married and a father? He still wants the single life and your home is open house to his buddies!

Get some time off work here and there (don't tell him that you're going to be off-work) and surprise him by turning up at home sometime after you've apparently left the house for the day. Make sure that the days you have off-work are dotted about here and there so he never knows for certain when you're going to turn up in the middle of the day.

If he's not grown up yet and wants to behave like a child, then try treating him like a child. Get your neighbours to keep an eye on who is entering and leaving the house. Leave a list for him to follow. If his friends are going to come round maybe they can help him? Try suggesting this to them, nothing is more likely to make them want to stay away!!

Good luck!

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