Social problems and ADHD

Leanne - posted on 06/17/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

12

0

2

Can anyone advise on how to deal with this problem? My son has no friends and does not get invited to birthday parties at all. Concerta hasn't helped . I know he acts very immature and says odd things at times ( like repeating a joke they have laughed at once constantly even though they have heard it before)Any ideas , meds that help ? Will play dates make a big difference?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ledia - posted on 06/19/2015

204

0

1

It is great that you did the EEG's and Psychometrics. A lot of doctors only depend on the questionnaires and observation sessions.

The medication will not work all on its own--it MUST be combined with therapy. As I said before, you will see a difference with medication--usually the desired calmness and ability to focus for longer lengths of time--but those changes are useless if he doesn't know what to focus on or how to prioritize his focus, which can only be learned through experience.

The doctors who told you that medication will not do any long term damage were not necessarily lying to you--it will not cause any permanent or long term PHYSICAL or chemical changes, but because of the way it helps him focus his attention, he may start to see his flaws more clearly, and without the proper tools (cognitive therapy and play therapy) to overcome them, he will dwell on his shortcomings and fall into a downward spiral destroying his self esteem and self worth.

You will love this site :) I am passionate about the proper treatment and destigmatization of ADHD and the symptoms surrounding it. I am diagnosed with ADHD and through therapy and proper medication, I am able to thrive and have been very successful both professionally and socially (though social success still takes a lot of effort for me). I voluntarily work with others--parents and children--who are trying to find their way through dealing with the symptoms of ADHD and ODD.

10 Comments

View replies by

Leanne - posted on 06/19/2015

12

0

2

Ahh that explains your extraordinary level of insight into the condition and the need for supportive services . Thank you again for your assistance and kind words

Leanne - posted on 06/19/2015

12

0

2

Thank you Ledia and Arizona Thor for your lengthy and detailed replies . I am new to this site and have not come across such a caring and thoughtful group of mums that are so willing to share their perspectives and experiences .
Harrison ( my son) was diagnosed with psychometric testing x2, quantitative eeg's done every 6 months ,as well as questionares and even an OT observation session so I'm pretty confident . Medication has made a dramatic improvement but I am noticing it is less effective over time and needs the dose upping as his focus and attention deteriorates . However on the same hand I don't want to increase it further as I see a definite bluntening of his facial expression and him being a little " zombified"( lol - my description) and not willing to engage much with other kids . That may be because of a loss of confidence too of course, as he has been the target of bullies on more than a few occasions .The teacher says that she can see he is bright but that he tends to slip under the radar and get lost .
It does concern me greatl what you have said about the emotional damage caused by medications Ledia as many Drs claim it does not .
Arizona will try to be more positively focused and do some of those wonderful things you have suggested , he is a beautiful ,funny and joyful little soul who is so loved already but does need a bit more nurturing and praise for the talents he has rather than the feeling he is different from others because he has ADHD - he is starting to say he wished he wasn't different from others which is so devastating . πŸ˜₯

Ledia - posted on 06/19/2015

204

0

1

He doesn't need medication (well he might, but that isn't the issue here); he needs therapy. Specifically play therapy.

Medication isn't going to magically teach him the intricacies of social interaction. To learn those things, he must learn through the experience of social interaction. He's still at an age where he is going to screw up and say odd things from time to time. Other kids do it to, you just don't see or notice it as much. That said, if he is being excluded, he is probably missing something important.

Interview some psychologists (make sure you find a psychologist NOT a psychiatrist or counselor) who specialize in children and play therapy. You may need to interview several to find a good fit, and when you find a good fit, stick with it for at least a year.

Unless your child's ADHD was diagnosed through brain scans showing chemical release and absorption in the brain, he shouldn't be taking medication. If his diagnostics included nothing more than a couple of interviews and filling out some questionnaires, there is no way to know that his ADHD symptoms are being caused by a chemical imbalance in the mind, a physical anomaly in the brain, a physical reaction to environmental factors, or simply lack of social understanding. We do not yet know ALL of the causes of ADHD symptoms. There have been chemical and physical anomalies identified in the brains of people suffering from ADHD, but there are also people experiencing all of the same symptoms without the physical or chemical anomalies, so we do know that there are cases of ADHD where physical and chemical anomalies are non-existent, in which case, medication will not work. You will see a difference in behavior on the medication--it will make him calmer, but it can also do a lot of emotional damage because of the way it restricts and promotes chemical reactions in the brain. If there is not anomaly to correct, it will simply tamper with what is going on, and while the the outward appearance can seem like it is helping, it may do long term damage.

Arizona - posted on 06/19/2015

2

0

0

I have a little different take on this. It sounds like your little boy is trying to fit in. So maybe he's a little immature, repeats funny jokes., tries a little too hard. Hold off on the meds. They aren't magical popularity pills! Unless he has some serious behavioral Problems, let him find his way. Is he the ONLY child left out of parties? Maybe he could have a party for the kids left out. Mom, are you involved? Give some moms a call, go to lunch, very often parental relationships encourage the kids. Let your son know how loved he is. Encourage him to choose his friends wisely. Remind him to learn. Find an instrument or a sport. He has so much value, he is so special. Encourage him to be a friend to someone who has no friends. Dont encourage him to change so others will like hiM!! He will spend the rest of his life doing stuff so people will like him. YIKES. He is ok just the way he is. It's ok to not be in the popular group. Teach him honor and character. Get good grades. Be comfortabe in your own skin. Achieve. There will be friends. Good friends. Have a party just the two of you. Get to know him. Let him learn to talk to you. I promise, when he"s older, you want him talking to you...not those kids. I will pray for your son for the rest of my life.

Leanne - posted on 06/18/2015

12

0

2

You're exactly right Priscille . That's what we are trying to do . There are also some other boys with ADHD who are immature too so they hang out together which is good for him . Cub scouts are more understanding too with children that are troubled so it's a great thing . Thank you for your support and kind words πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

Priscille - posted on 06/18/2015

47

0

0

You're right, giving advice generally doesn't hit the mark! I mean, even we don't always readily accept the advice we receive from our friends and family...

If he is oblivious to the rejections and thinks he is quite popular, he is probably already putting some strategies in place to deal with the situation emotionally, which is good.

You can also help him by noticing when things go well, at cub scout for example, and make comments or ask questions about it. For example you might say: "Who was that new boy you were talking to?" "What was your conversation about?" "Oh, you helped your friend find his lost toy, that was very nice of you." Reinforcing every little thing he does well by pointing it out will help him be more conscious about it so that he can repeat those more readily.

Leanne - posted on 06/18/2015

12

0

2

Hi Priscille .
My little boy has just turned 9 , but is more like 6 or 7 in terms of maturity .
Thanks for your suggestion and I will try that as my advice to him in terms of what to say or do with friends is either forgotten or ignored I think . Fortunately he seems oblivious to most of the rejections apart from the birthdays and seems to think he is quite popular . Cub scouts helps too I think .

Priscille - posted on 06/18/2015

47

0

0

Hi Leanne. How old is your son? He might say odd things because he is trying so hard to be social while he lacks some of the social skills of other children his age. Something that could help is to do pretend play with him. Depending on his age you can adapt how you do this. You can either use figurines and pretend that they wanting to play together for the first time or you can role play with your son. The aim is not necessarily to correct what he is doing wrong but rather to give him examples that he can model.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms