Sole custody case

Elizabeth - posted on 10/30/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I recently took my child's father back to court because he has not been involved in my daughter’s life; she’s two months away from turning 14 years. We were never married and at the beginning he was seeing her maybe twice a month but even so many times he said he would pick her up and he wouldn’t. He was ordered to pay child support but I had to constantly take him back to court because he would fall behind, one day he came to get her and gave me a $75 check which later he put a stop payment, I was trying to be nice and got along with him for my daughter. One day he convinced me to stop garnishing his wages and that he would pay me directly so I did, this is way back in 2006. After the child disbursement unit stopped garnishing his wages, he did not pay me and I called him so many times but he wouldn’t answer his phone, at the time his girlfriend would pick up the phone and tell me that he wasn’t around. I finally got tired and stopped calling him; he never kept his promised so he didn’t pay me child support. He moved out of the state back in 2006 and came back in 2009, he did not even get a hold of me and somehow he found out that my daughter was going to Sunday school, so he decided to show up at church twice and of course my daughter was really scared of him, she thought that he was going to take her away from me, I would be too specially since she hasn’t seen him since 2005. He promised her that he was going to keep in touch with her and guess what he left again and when to live to another country where he got married. Now he is back again. One day when my daughter when to McDonalds with my husband they both saw him there and he did not even bother to say hi to her, and of course when she came back she was heartbroken. Now that he is back he got a hold of her by text messages and told her all these lies about me, he told her that I did not let him see her, of course my daughter was very upset towards me because she felt that I lied to her. Back in August of this year, she told him that she would want to get to know him and that she would move in with him, his answered to her was GIVE ME TIME so then again she was heartbroken. She had no idea of all the court papers I had where he was ordered to help her so because I didn’t want her to get confused by he said she said I showed her all the court papers I had, so she was really and I mean really upset with him. I see all the pain that she is going through so I decided to take her to get professional help, she is been going to a psychologist every other week. About two weeks ago, I told her that if she wanted to get to know him that I wouldn’t oppose to it, but she said no, she said that all these years he has not been there for her, not a single call for her birthdays or Christmas and most of all, she cannot forgive him because he has another child that he does take care of and he is involved in his life and pays him child support. He is trying to blame everything on me when all I have done is being there for her not only emotionally, physically, mentally but also financially. Way back in 2010 I wanted to take her out of the country for vacation I hired a lawyer so I would be able to take her out of the country without his permission, lawyer tried three times by mailed to get a hold of him and even by putting an article in the newspaper, so he didn’t show so I got permission from the judge to take her, now I take him back to court like I stated and I’m fighting for sole custody and for back child support, but he wants joint custody, he said that just like me he has rights. We are ordered to go to mediation to try to come to an agreement and I have to go meet with him on 11/20/12 and even then I still think that he has no rights, I do not see why he would want joint custody when clearly he has not been there for her, and truly seems that he doesn’t want a relationship with her. I’m just nervous to what the judge might decide but I’m confident that everything is on my favor. At the end to me what matters is my daughter, I don’t care about him. She also asked him why he left and never gave her a straight answer only that he is back and if anything to blame it on me. If I did not allow him to see her, then how come some of his family are friends with my daughter, some even go to school with her, how did I prevented him to see her, or why didn’t he take me to court to fight for visitation rights. I’ve been married for almost 11 years and my husband had to be the responsible one and even with him around my priorities are my kids. I don’t even go out any more because since I work I feel guilty for leaving my kids with the babysitter, then I decided to go back to school but online because I didn’t want to spend time at work and then in school, so with the online I don’t take time from my kid’s life. All I want is for her not to be sad and not to feel unwanted and unloved by him, I pray to God that the judge gives me sole custody.

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Elizabeth - posted on 10/30/2012

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Thank you Rachel, i do tell her and show her everyday how important she is to me and that itis not her fault he just made wrong decisions..by the way im in illinois

Rachel - posted on 10/30/2012

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I don't know where you are at, but based on the situation it is very likely you will get custody; however, it is also highly likely he will still get visitation. Depending on where you are at, they may see what your daughter wants. Just be honest with your daughter (as you have been). Understand that even though I'm sure your husband has been a good father figure, if a girl has knowledge of a father abandoning/neglecting her, it is still upsetting. Encourage her that she is strong, smart, beautiful girl with a bright future and it is her bio father's loss for CHOOSING not to be there. Reassure her that his actions reflect on HIM, not her - that his actions are not because of anything she did wrong. He is just pond scum. :) I really hope this works out in the best interest of your daughter. Good luck.

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