Solitary confinement with a three year old.

Mandatoryink - posted on 01/18/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I never wanted to be a "typical" stay at home. I suffer from anxiety. Always have. Just months after my son was born the doctor put me on Zoloft. I didn't want my family to suffer through it too. The Zoloft was a miracle for my life. I felt normal. I still got stressed from normal life stressers. But I didn't vomit before a driving trip that I was not too familiar with or flip out on my husband as much. The biggest difference was that. I had control of my anger because I wasn't constantly worrying about every tiny detail.
I was on that perfect little pill up until three months ago. My son is almost three so over 2 years. I have made an appointment with a new doctor in our new insurance network and pray she will give it back to me!
THis is more of a rant.
I have been "Holding on" for so long.

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Mandatoryink - posted on 01/18/2013

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I have been watching my son in home for about that same amount of time. Here the past 9 months or more especially- I have not left this house more then twice a month for a couple hours. Usually less then that. I went out to visit family with my husband a couple weeks ago. And the last time before that was December 15th. Before that- I couldnt tell you. Why? My husband works from early in the morning to early evening 5-6 days a week. The car he drives was the car I got in 2006. It is now on its last leg- and ever since his was towed away a few years ago - due to irresponsibility - its the only one we have.
The closest town in at least 20-25 minutes away. My closest family members are a little further then that and have their own busy lives.
I lost connection with my friends long ago. We don't have phone.
I am here. All day, Everyday, surrounded by the same empty walls- day after day- week after week- month after month... and so on.
I don't even get out of the house to go grocery shopping. Well maybe twice in the last six months. Since we dont live close to anything- my husband stops at the store after work. It took its toll a long time ago. I don't even know if there is a word or a phrase for how I feel now.

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