Some advice completely Lost

Sandra - posted on 04/23/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hello I've noticed these online advices thing and I'm in need of it :( I have a 10 month old beautiful daughter I'm still with her dad but it's been too long .... He had drop out of HS school making an excuse that he wanted to watch our daughter I I was in HS too pregnant I graduated early because I was motaviated that having a child wasn't gonna stop me in doing things so after she was born I had gotten a job and started going to college idk wether my BF cares of making a finacially future all he does is plays video games he has this whole idea that he's gonna be a millionaire doing you tubing at playing video games but seeing he is now 18 yrs old 10 months later he still in the same position plays video games all day long watching our daughter and he says he will get a job but does not even try hard to search for one he tells me he doesn't wanna live a basic life from where I'm going to .his mom was buying supplies for the baby and he thinks he buys them just because his mom get them for her I just don't know what to do we have been together for two years I would understand if we didn't had a child but now he is still the same way

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Dove - posted on 04/25/2016

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You live in your dad's house? Kick his lazy, useless butt out. Actually... have your dad do it.

Document everything about how he's neglecting his daughter and if you live where pot smoking is illegal... document that as well. Then kick his butt out and go to court for custody, visitation, and child support.

Sandra - posted on 04/25/2016

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Well that he watches her he does but good I don't think so :/ which worry a me because we live at dads cause they kicked us out of his stepdads and moms house because him being irresponsible by providing and my sister lives here and my step moms daughter in law and when I'm gone I later here that they tell me he doesn't feed her properly if he gives her somthing just gives her crackers not food like and just give her bottle which eventually gets her constipated which is horrible then he tells me that she has fallen off the bed I would ask why and his response was because he had head phones on and of course was too busy playing games that she fell off the bed and didn't hear her until he heard a thump i
E been told that she will have stuff in her mouth that he goes unnoticed because again he's. Playing video games then my sister has had to put her to sleep because he was to busy playing games and would let her cry for hours saying that nothing's wrong with her I've tried to get him to understand but it is in possible talking with him without him getting aggressive or start insulting me :/ which makes our relationship like crap cause we can't get along he thinks that I'm trying to control him .somtimes I think he is never gonna change he doesn't respect his own dad that is not in the country and he's just a big mess and I feel like I'm just at fault for still being with him like there's a saying that says "what I once thought of your cute habits is now money down the drain ". Which is true because I didn't mention but he is a green smoker and with him wanting to smoke for no reason it's just hard cause he has taken money from me to buy his habit I'm not saying it's bad him smoking it's just the way he manages it it's absurd for now I've told him he needs to get clean in order get a job where I worked before and all he thinks when he gets a check is just buy a lot of green I honestly wanna say it feels nice talking about this to someone I don't know :/

Dove - posted on 04/23/2016

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In addition to Michelle's excellent point you can also look at it like this... If he is watching your daughter while you work is he taking good care of her? Is having him around a better, cheaper option than putting her in daycare?

Not that I'm suggesting you keep him around simply for free childcare because if the relationship isn't working it's likely not worth it, but... you have to look at it from all sides and determine what you are and are not willing to put up with here.

If you otherwise have a good relationship and he takes good care of your daughter... you might talk to him about helping out a bit more around the house to make things easier on you when you come home... or you may find that you need him to turn the video games off and get a job in order for you all to survive.

Michelle - posted on 04/23/2016

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Some men (boys) don't grow up even when children come along.
You have to make the decision if you are going to wait around for years for him to change or go out and just do it on your own.
You can't expect someone to change, they have to want to. Maybe sit down with him and explain the situation. Let him know that if he doesn't grow up and start being responsible for his family then you will have to leave. You have only had 1 child and you didn't expect to have to look after 2.

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