some examples of how to deal with lying & sneaking from the middle child who's turning 16...

Kat - posted on 02/15/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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my 15yr old can be so sweet most of the time but she's got this really bad habit of lying & sneaking. i have tried numerous different approaches and they just don't seem to work. my concern is that most of the things she's lying about are completely dumb and meaningless. i use to hope that she would outgrow it as she became older. does anyone have any ideas?? or is anyone else going through something similar and if so, how are you dealing with it??? i'm looking for some different ideas or approaches.

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April - posted on 02/15/2011

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When i was 16 i used to do that to my mum because i used to think that if i told her what i was really up to or what i wanted to do she would disapprove so in my mind it was better to make something up. My mum hated it and one day she just broke down and told me what it was doing to her, i felt so bad because i didn't expect that it effected her that much, i did eventually stop acting like that and started to see that my mum was okay with what i did even when i told her the truth and our relationship got a lot better.



I have two younger sister's who have learned from me and aren't such a pain in the butt to my parents LOL



I'm sorry i'm not much help, i just thought i'd share my experience. I wish all the best for you and your daughter.

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Kat - posted on 02/15/2011

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April, thanks so much! It does make me feel better to hear that. I remember being her age and I didn't do any of this so for her to pull it I am really at a loss for words. I knew alot of kids that just flat out LIED all the time period. But I always had a really good relationship with my mom. My oldest and I have a really good relationship, we talk openly about everything - from boys sex school & college. I also just got info from someone to check out her birth control. Her birth control could be interferring with her ADD meds. So I am going to check into that tomorrow. Thanks sooo much though for your input, it's greatly appreciated. Kat

Kat - posted on 02/15/2011

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Louise, yes we do spend some time alone and I was beginning to wonder if she's just trying to join in conversation & make her life seem more interesting. I must admit, that yes when she does this she certainly does get a reaction out of me. I get upset and feel like I'm doing everything wrong. But then I look at my other kids and they don't do any of this so I am at a total loss. When we do go out alone and I try to break the ice, it's like she's manipulating & really playing it up to me "the poor me" act. Any of my other 4 girls I can be laying in bed and they will climb right in and just cuddle with me for a few minutes and I get a really nice feeling of love from them. When she does it, which is rare, I feel like there is just emptiness. It makes me very sad. Thank you for your input. I'm not giving up, I will try again and see if I can get anywhere with her. My girls' are my life so what ever it takes, I will keep on trying.

Louise - posted on 02/15/2011

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It is human nature to lye but this seems a little extreme. Is she lying to make her life more interesting or is she just trying to join in conversations. There must be a reason why she is doing this maybe for a reaction from you. Do you spend any time alone with her, alot of ground is covered in 1 to 1 attention with teenagers. If something was bothering my sons I would take them out for a meal or a pretend shopping spree to break the ice. Try giving her your time and see if you can get to the bottom of this. tell her all the ridiculous lies she has told and ask her out right way she needs to do this and see what she says. I think you will find it is middle child syndrome where that child feels ignored, they are not breaking new ground as the oldest child and not over protected like the youngest child is. Try and make these little trips a regular event and you will find that she enjoys your company and will in time open up to you and the silly lies will stop.

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