Bobbie - posted on 11/06/2012 ( 110 moms have responded )
Yes, I am an older mom. My children are 30 and 26. My daughter, the oldest was told that she had a responsibility to do things in the right order. That to meet these responsibilities with character and self control meant a reward of a wedding. The cost to be spent on dress, cake, the whole nine yards. If however she chose to disregard these responsibilities to herself and skip the society order of dating, marriage, then setting up house, then adding children AS YOU CAN AFFORD THEM, then she forfeits all rights to tradition. She understood this and her husband and she did pay separate rent, Living on their own until their wedding day. There were no children born, no joint going into debt to buy furniture and play house. They were supporting themselves, not the big deal made out to be impossible by those who what to move in together. Some how it isn't seen as thumbing their noses at tradition to live with one man than another when it doesn't work out. Example: my son dated a "girl" not a woman, of 20 and she had moved in and moved out with three men already! When my son had real feelings for her he had to consider this past and he decided that was too much of a past for him to deal with. So I see where these young ladies get to where they are stuck with a boyfriend that won't marry them and they go from relationship to relationship, sprinkling children into the mix along the way.
Here is my question. Do you not see it as thumbing your nose at tradition to live together, have a baby and set up a house before marriage? If so why is it seen as a hurdle to having enough money to get married? A wedding is a tradition NOT a marriage.
I bring this up because there was a girl who asked if her boyfriend could adopt her baby from another man she messed with while they were on a so called break. They have four other children together, FOUR! and this last one bringing the total to FIVE and she still has never married. NOW she says she is ready to get married but can't afford it with five kids. To me that sounds like a stupid excuse. Just the price of one large pizza on the weekend is all the money needed to get married! $20 bucks! Walk into the courthouse and sign your name, say I DO and then start the marriage. Oh wait, there has been all the other aspects of a marriage going on while having the children and living together! The wedding was just a tradition!
Now, I had a young girl approach me to assist with her "wedding" she was 9 months pregnant and her boyfriend was serving over seas. Hell yes I helped her! She was not able to marry due to her husband to be LIVING UP TO HIS RESPONSIBILITIES. So that type of delay is not the same here. I wouldn't expect her to give up her wedding day when she waited at home for him for three years, living separately when he came into the states and planning that traditional wedding to honor their faith in the church and be witnessed by God and their family. But at the reception one of her friends approached me and asked if I would help her "throw and wedding" she had two kids, this was the fourth guy she had lived with and neither one of the children were his. She didn't attend church and so I asked her if she wanted to be married in a church. She said, "Oh God No! I want to be married in a backyard or garden and have a beautiful reception". That is what make me sound off here. What she wanted was a party. To play princess at this party, eat drink and be merry. THAT IS NOT BEING MARRIED that is using tradition as an excuse to get gifts and dress up! blow money on a party that you should be applying to your future. Oh, and asking parents to foot the bill or even help with costs is ridiculous. They shouldn't have to keep up their end of tradition and responsibilities when you didn't keep yours. After they have bounced your baby on their need and paid to help you make ends meet with your little bundle the last thing money should go for is to celebrate your doing it backassward.