SOMEONE PLEASE HELP

Andrelle - posted on 10/02/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have a 5 year old son that's in kindergarten, and he's been diagnosed with adhd, school just started in August and he's been suspended 6x already, he cries, fights, outbursts, temper tantrums, scratch the teachers, fights his 3yr old sister, and I've taken things away from him, punishments, spankings, bribing from his doctor... Nothing works I'm so depressed to where I've had thoughts of giving him up, bc I don't know how strong I am to deal with him.. someone help me please I don't know what to do

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Guest - posted on 10/02/2014

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I agree with Dove. If the professionals you are seeing have tried "everything" and failed, you need new professionals. For starters, there is no possible way they've had time to try "everything" with a child who is only 5 years old. They should still be deep in the process of trying to help him.

Therapy takes a LONG time to have an effect on a child. It can take up to a year for some therapists to earn enough trust from the child to even begin actual treatment. Also keep in mind that ADHD medications DO NOT make the symptoms of ADHD go away, they simply help the person with ADHD cope with them more adequately and productively. There SHOULD be an effect from the meds, but meds alone will not be sufficient treatment for ADHD. If you do not notice any effect, you need to reconsider the medication.

May I ask why you took his football away?
Football is a great, physically demanding, team centered activity for him. Both of those attributes will help him cope with the ADHD symptoms.
You need to make sure he gets back into football, or a similar sport as soon as possible. Instead of taking away physical activities, take away sedentary ones like TV or video games.....in fact, I'd lose video games completely and limit TV to weekends only if I were you. As a person with ADHD myself, I can tell you that TV and video games make the symptoms far worse, and far more difficult for me to manage on my own. That said, like I mentioned in my previous comment, taking things away will not do anything for discipline for a child with ADHD because it does not address the root of the problem....so why bother with it??

Dove - posted on 10/02/2014

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If he's on meds and things aren't improving... either it's the wrong med, the wrong dose, or ADHD is not the problem. If the professionals have tried everything and they are failing on a 5 year old... you need to find a new professional.

Counseling/therapy IS a long process... it's not a 'magic' fix. Taking away his physical activity (football) is likely to make things worse. He NEEDS an outlet for his negative energy... and physical activity is an awesome outlet.

I'm sorry I don't have any magic answers since I don't know him or you and I'm NOT a professional... but I do have support and can 'try' to give suggestions to specific situations... based on my ideas and/or what I've learned from my son's therapist.

Andrelle - posted on 10/02/2014

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I've tried those things I took football away, he started this behavior in pre-k. He's on medication, but it's not working.. his therapist have me a list of things to occupy his mind. The teachers, counselors, principals, have tried everything.... they denied me of help fur him when he was 3-4 in the state of Louisiana because of his age and I had to just wait... Now it has worsened and it's still very little help they're offering for us.. and by him only being 5 and im just starting with the counselorsand and therapist.. the process is too long and his academics are already bad, behavior is it if control and I'm just waiting.... ive literally tried everything... everything

Dove - posted on 10/02/2014

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What does his therapist say about all of this? Since he is 5 he must have just recently been diagnosed w/ ADHD by a child psychologist (although an accurate diagnosis takes at least a year or two)... you should really be seeking their help here. It's what they are there for.

Guest - posted on 10/02/2014

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Did he do these things before beginning kindergarten? If he didn't, it is very likely that he does NOT have ADHD (the diagnosis is often given without proper evaluation). Rather, he is failing to cope with the new structure, or there is something going on at school causing him psychological unrest.

If he DOES have ADHD, none of the punishments you described--taking things away, spanking, or bribing--will have any effect at all on him in terms of better discipline. In fact, those types of punishment can make things far worse. Instead, focus on helping him cope with the emotions that cause the outbursts, and with the events that trigger those emotions.

For example, if he is crying because he is frustrated that he cannot get up and run around, make sure he has ample time BEFORE and after school for highly physical play--I mean REALLY PHYSICALLY DEMANDING. Take a run with him in the morning, make an obsticle course at the park after school, make sure he is in a physically demanding sport--chose soccer, not baseball, for example. This will get a lot (NOT ALL) of the extra energy out. In addition, teach him small physical movements that he can do in school without getting into trouble--tell his teacher to let him doodle while she talks, allow him to use a rocking chair instead of a stationary chair (many schools are switching to these for all students). This will eliminate the crying for the most part, but you also have to teach him what to do when he wants to cry. Teach him to warn the teacher that he is getting upset, and work with her to create an action plan he can follow--maybe he can go for a quick walk down the hallway and back to collect his thoughts and get his energy out.

Essentially, with every outburst, you need to look at what emotion caused the outburst, then what event triggered that emotion and figure out a way you can teach him to manipulate either the event, or the emotion. That is the ONLY way.

Kids with ADHD do not have impulse control once their emotions reach a certain strength--you can beat the crap out of him every time he screams at you, but he will never be able to stop himself from doing it once he is past that emotional point. When dealing with ADHD, you cannot treat the symptom (punish him for the outburst), you have to treat the problem (stop the outburst from happening in the first place.)
That doesn't mean kids with ADHD don't have ANY impulse control--they do have it, but they have to be taught to focus on it, and to use it in a preventative form as opposed to a reactionary form.

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