Emma - posted on 02/17/2012 ( 35 moms have responded )
I don't know if this counts as 'post-partum depression' or if it's something lots of moms feel but I just have to admit to someone that I sometimes wish I wasn't a mom. I get so frustrated with my baby sometimes when he's fussing and I can't figure out what's wrong or when he repeatedly wakes up at night or when I just can't get him to sleep or can't put him down. I love him but it's not always in the mushy kind of way. Sometimes I think my love for him is just more of a sense of responsibility in that I just so want what's best for him.
I sometimes just feel though that I am so trapped and I find myself longing for the days before I got pregnant. I sometimes (often) wonder what on earth I was thinking and wonder if maybe I was never cut out to be a mother.
I find myself feeling jealous of all the other moms I see who seem to have 'easy' babies that they can take out places and don't fuss. My baby won't take a paci, won't take a bottle, likes to be held or nursed to go to sleep.
I also find myself feeling envious of other women in my position who seem to be blissfully happy in motherhood. I wish I could take it all in my stride and not get so down about things but I guess I've always been inclined to worry/focus on the negative.
I trying constantly to battle this negativity with prayer. Thankfully I can talk to my husband too and he feels the same way (although sometimes that's not always a good thing because we end up making ourselves feel worse about the situation).
And now I feel the horrendous guilt that all of this makes it seem like I don't love my son. Do I love him enough? It's certainly not that fairy tale gooey feeling I expected.
Need some support. Anyone else feel this way?
Ps. Please don't tell me to go see a dr. I don't believe there is a chemical imbalance in my brain that needs fixing with drugs.