Son and girlfriend got my husband fired!

Jessica - posted on 02/15/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Recently, my 20 year old son and his girlfriend's (age 18) relationship got my husband (age 63) fired from his long-time job as the girlfriend is the boss's daughter.

At first I was supportive of the relationship because I liked the girl alright, but as time marched on she became very rude, defiant and downright unbearable. Because she lectured me about how weird I was when I was angry catching them in bed together in my house, drove the car we bought for my son without a license, smoked pot freely in my house, and finally, one night when my son didn't come home or answer his phone, I texted her and asked her where he was. She responded that it was classified information, and I didn't have a need to know.

From that day forth I took the stance that in my world she didn't exist. My son was free to do what he wanted with her, but just not in my house or car. The last thing that happened was that my son took off on Christmas Eve (which devastated me and grandparents) to go live at her house. One week later my husband was fired from his job "because the relationships were just too complicated."

I'm having a huge problem coping with my anger for my son because at my husband's age he is struggling to find another position. I haven't talked to my son since, and I'm trying to leave the door open to have a relationship with him, but most of the time I'm too angry to care. Because of him we have to move out of our house (no longer can afford it), I have to find another job near where we'll live.

OMG!!! What to do!!!!

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Jessica - posted on 02/15/2014

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Thank you so very much. My husband has closed the door and is so disappointed, but he too believes that we need to move on with our lives and let him do whatever he's going to do. He believes that he'll come back around in a few years. Of course, I want to fix it now though I realize it would not go well. And yes, we took the car away a long time ago. Our son had a great job and bought his own car, but then I just found out he got fired two days ago because no one would wake him up at 5am to go to work. Guess what goes around comes around. I really want my husband to sue too, but he's right. If he did that it would show up in a background check. In the car business it means you'll never work again. It wasn't interfering because my husband never said squat about it. He kept his mouth shut but backed me up when I told her to never darken my doorway again. He and his boss were very, very close. It was me who wouldn't allow her to come over anymore, and me who took the car away so my son couldn't take her to work anymore or pick her up or stay out till all hours...lol. Everyone knew exactly how I felt about her. I'm sure they complained bitterly to her parents and it annoyed the hell out of them having two difficult kids living with them needing money and rides and having to feed them every night. They had been looking forward to their freedom as their kid was going to join the military and leave. I guess that's all over..paybacks I'm thinking...lol

Brian - posted on 02/15/2014

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Your husband has serious grounds for a lawsuit. It would benefit him to contact an attorney. Unless the relationship between your son and the daughter of your husband's boss was seriously interfering with your husband's job performance, there is no justification for your husband's termination. Even in a right to work state, employees have certain rights under fair labor practices and anti-discrimination laws.

It is a shame about your son, but apparently he has chosen her family over his own. It would benefit you to drive the wedge of separation deeper. If the vehicle is not registered in his name, claim it back. If your name is on the car, you may have it towed, or reported stolen if he refuses to return it to your possession. Cancel any insurance he may be on, health, auto, dental etc. Cancel any joint accounts, banks, credit cards, cell phones etc. If he needs anything, like an automobile or a phone, he can rightfully purchase the vehicle from you, or he can find his own.

Change the locks on your home ASAP.

This all may seem harsh, and will serve little purpose but to alienate your son from your family. Do not worry. Your son believes he is entitled and has apparently been given reason to believe this is the truth. He is instead ungrateful.

Your son will come and address these issues with you in anger. You need to not respond with emotion. Instead you need to make it very clear. He chose to abandon his family, you did not abandon him. His behavior has put his family in jeopardy, and cost his father his job. He wishes to express his dominance and rule over his own life, then he can take responsibility for his own life. You have no obligations to him or his future. He lived in your home and disrespected the rules of your home. He took advantage, and as of his 18th birthday, he was a legal adult and able to make decisions for himself. He can now learn exactly what that means.

Never give him money ever again. Never give him a gift card. If and when he comes to you to reconcile, you may be cordial, polite, even loving, but do not enable him. His girlfriend does drugs, and most likely so does your son. It is time to teach him an important lesson regarding family responsibility.

FYI- Without a car or insurance to drive, his relationship is going to be strained. Also, in most states, there is a requirement for individuals to update their address on their license within 4 weeks of a address change. His license is technically invalid and false. Also, any mail addressed to him needs to be stamped, not this address, return to sender. He no longer lives in your house.

Jessica - posted on 02/15/2014

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Yeah, the only problem with that, in addition to EEOC complaint, is that it would show up in a background check. In my husband's line of work--he would never work again. What about relationship with son? Got any ideas?

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