Son having problems with spend time with father

Yans - posted 4 days ago ( 23 moms have responded )

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Well my Son is 7 years old. When I was pregnant his father was my boyfriend so he started to hate me don't know why. After that I knew that he was consuming drugs he became an agresive person and I got scared of him. When my son was born he wasn't in the country he went back there when ny son was 2 months he neglected him and threatened me to kill me if I leave him. After he left the city I leave him through the phone because I was too scared of what he could do to me. So after that his parents helped me with 50 dollars monthly for my son support then he saw my son for 3 times when he was 3 years old. I met my husband when my son was 6 months he accepted me with my child and took care of him as his own son. Giving him everything a child need financially and emotionally. At the years of 3 my husband made the paperworkids so we could come to USA and have a better future here. Now 3 years after that my son's biological father comes that he wants to have a relationship with my son what happens is that ny son doesn't want to. We are been trying to build a life here my husband got a good job and we even bought a house. Now this man came and bring me to court saying that I kidnap my son and that because of me he couldn't see him for this whole time. Heven got the visitation order with the judge. Finstead it was 1 Sunday every 2 weeks come and take him from 12 to 4 a. Sunday my son goes with him because I tell him to go but after an hour he ask him to bring him back. Now he got the order to take him fridays night until Sunday night he lives in ny I live in mass. My son doesn't want to go with him. And he even told my son that if he doesn't cooperate he is going to take him to a psychologist to take therapy. That if he doesn't try that he is going to take him to live with him. And my son says no. He has to Skype him on Wednesday but my son doesn't want to have a conversation. In the Skype call he is always telling my son if somebody is there with him that he doesnt talk or if somebody is telling him what to say just because my son is smart and he feels that his biological father is forcing him. He only recognize my husband as his father because he is the only one that has been there for him giving him love and all he needs . I don't know what to do i want to make my son feel confortable and that I'm here for him to help him I don't want to force him to do something that he doesnt feels to.do.

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Ev - posted 4 days ago

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It is wrong for his dad to be saying anything like that to him. But you have to realize that dad can go for custody if he wants to do that. Either of you can.

As for recording that you would need to ask a lawyer the law in the state you live in. I know most places--can not speak for your area--recording without the knowledge of the other party is against the law. Like when you get a call from someplace that has the recording that they record for quality assurance or other reasons is how they can do that. You may not be able to record that conversation without dad's express permission and then you would not get what you are hearing.

Yans - posted 4 days ago

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And im not saying no. To any of that. But do you think is ok that he threatening my son that if he doesn't cooperate he is going to take him away from me for ever?

Sarah - posted 4 days ago

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What would be wrong with having the child in therapy? I think that is a positive thing and it certainly can't hurt him. If the shoe were on the other foot, and you had been addicted to drugs and unable to parent you would have become a stranger to your child as well. When you cleaned up and wanted to parents, you'd be facing the same challenges that dad is facing now. You'd want to be able to rebuild with your child and that is going to take time and consistency. I am not saying that either party is right or wrong, but unless dad was stripped of his parental rights, he can step up and parent.

Ev - posted 4 days ago

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How is your son going to really learn to like his father or not if he comes home all the time? Besides that is his father's assigned visitation time by court to have him and if dad means to have his time he will. You should not be courting your son's wants to come home but encouraging the chance of a relationship. It takes time for this to happen and can not happen overnight. Your child is not the only one that did not see much of their father before and it had been years, and these children had to do the same thing.

Yans - posted 4 days ago

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Well i dont know that's what the judge said because the child doesn't want to be near his father because he kñnever knew about him

Yans - posted 4 days ago

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I'm really trying to work things out but i gets out of hands when the other parent doesn't care about his child feelings just his or what he wants to happens. I told him take baby steps. And he is doing giant steps.

Ev - posted 4 days ago

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Your son is never going to learn about his father or have a relationship with him if he comes home every time he goes over there. He has to learn that he has to stay for the weekend granted his father. I have never heard of court ordered visits saying that if a child wants to come home during the weekend he can.

Yans - posted 4 days ago

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Right now the judge said join custody but he can't take him out of his living state. He has to come visit him. Stay in a hotel and take him fridays to Sunday but if my son doesn't want to stay he has to bring him.

Ev - posted 4 days ago

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You would still have to be able to prove that it happened. At this point everything is he said/she said. You really need to take this to a lawyer to get sorted out. What kind of custody do you have here? Not from your previous country but here?

Yans - posted 4 days ago

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was because my son said that he doesnt want to go with him and that he doesnt like him because when he wants to come back home he tell him no. I asked him why he is threatening him and he said I'm not going to talk to you anymore see you in court. But I heard when he told him that

Yans - posted 4 days ago

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And I told him is not about you or me is about him and what we have to do for him.

Yans - posted 4 days ago

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I know and that's what is bothering me and as I told his father last night my son was having Skype with him and when he finish my son was crying I ask him what happened and he told me that threatening him to take him if he doesn't was to get along. I sent a text to the father and ask him what happend and that I asked my son and what he told me he said I think he need therapy my son doesn't want to get the therapy and I told him that's a really serious thing that you are talking in a bad way to him so you should think and find a way of how to talk to a 7 years old child that doesn't know you.

Ev - posted 4 days ago

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Then you need to get custody sorted out and get it in writing that he can not talk this way to your son and that you also can not speak ill of his father. But you would have to be able to prove that. You know, this child is going to hurt more than you and dad in this.

Yans - posted 4 days ago

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Yes I understand and im not saying no to his right visitation I'm letting him get into my son's life I'm even helping him he is the one that is not taking the time to check how he talk to his son. And telling things to my son that makes him cry.

Ev - posted 4 days ago

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If you were in a different country and got custody there that does not have or crry presidence in another country. He had every right here to file for visitation or other things if he so chose to do that. You needed to get custody done in the other country since you moved there and were allowed to stay.

Yans - posted 4 days ago

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I'm even encouraging my son to accept it and gother with him on Sundays bit he is even threatening my son that if he doesn't cooperate or doesn't want to get aloNguyen with him that he is going to take him with him. That's not the way you talk to a 7 years old child. That doesn't know you because you didn't want to be on his life. We sorted out the visitation and all that but he wants to do thing like he was there his whole life when he wasnt

Yans - posted 4 days ago

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Well there is the thing 5hat he never took care of my son since he as 2 months old he never provide for him. Or a least that you call 50 dollars MONTHLY enough to for a child. I got sole custody in my country and even got a restriction order for him he never want to see his child and that was his choice I never hide the child from him or force him to not be on his life. How did I kidnap my son that I gave I'm everything when he was a us citizen and never wanted to do better for his son when my husband was a us citizen too and 3 years after beentering the me decided to give us what the other didn't. In this life you have the right to choose what to do and you can choose right on you can choose wrong but nobody put a gun on his head to force him to choose. Nobody sent him to use drugs and try to hit me nobody force him to try to hit his own son when he was 2 months old nad neglected him. So how is the bio dad right. ? I'm taking opinions but don't come and judge me without know everything is not easy for a mother to take care of a child taking in consideration that I was 18 years old when I had my son. Is not easy to go thru a violent situation when you never had to deal with stuff like that in your childhood or having somebody threatening you that is going to kill you i lived 3 years after I leave him in the same place he and his family knew where I was I came to this country and even knew where I was so why he came he 3 years after.?

Sarah - posted 4 days ago

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And technically, bio-dad is correct, you did kidnap the child. You left with him, without the consent of the father. How you got a passport and out of the country without dad's consent is a mystery to me. When my own kids traveled with my spouse, I had to provide a notarized letter with permission for him to take the kids out of the country.

Michelle - posted 4 days ago

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Unfortunately, your son can't decide at this age and even if it's your son refusing it will go against you and the courts will see it as you keeping him from his Father.
I suggest you get yourself a lawyer and get visitation and custody sorted out properly. You should have been able to be in court when the Father was getting orders done.

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