Son just told me he is gay. Found out he is smoking pot too.

Dee - posted on 02/20/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have a wonderful son whom I love dearly. I have always known he was gay just wanted him to tell me. He didn't. He told my daughter who told me. I wasn't going to say anything, but after I found pot in his room, I felt like we needed to clear the air.

Here is my problem. I am married to a man who doesn't really like my son very much. My son doesn't like him either. We have been married for 24 years and he is very hard on us all. I promised my son I would not tell his father he is gay, but I am stuck on whether I have to tell him about the pot.

My son is a great kid. He is a great student, great person, a very talented athlete-(just not the athlete his father wants. He told me he smokes because it relaxes him. I think it is an excuse. I smelled it in the house twice and thought it was his candles, I asked him and he lied to me. He has had a couple of anxiety attacks and sleeps a lot. His grades have dropped slightly and his athletic performance this season was sub-par. He said the pot didn't effect him. I told him it does.

The real problem is I know I will be to blame because I never made him into a man by following through on anything. He has never really done anything until now. I didn't make him hang out with boys. I didn't make him get a job. My husband travels and he will say it was because he wasn't around to supervise him.

I really don't know what to do? If I tell him, he will like his son even less. If I don't it is a huge burden for me. I am so afraid that if I tell him this and then later in the next year or so he hears he is gay, he will dislike my son more. He loves his son, but as my daughter said he is not the son he wanted and my son knows it.

Please help. Huge anvil on my chest.

2 Comments

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Dee - posted on 02/21/2014

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That is not what I am saying. I am asking if it is wrong to not tell my husband. I do support my son 100%, however I don't support the drugs under any circumstances. I am not going to tell my husband about either aspect of my son's life, but I am worried about how he will react when he finds out I didn't tell him.

Jaime - posted on 02/20/2014

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I think your son smokes pot to relax and escape all the pressure it sounds like your partner puts on him and is crying out for his mothers love and attention,ur son is going through huge changes and needs the support of his family not to be made out like he is worthless if I was u id tell ur partner to grow a pair n either get involved supporting your son or don't have an opinion at all, and sounds like your sons made to feel like hes lost u as his mother his 1 true friend n protector because u consider your partners opinion more than his I might be talking out of school here but sounds like ur fella needs to sort his head out he married you n ur fam not just you ,I hoped this helped

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