Son moved out i am grieving.

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Maria Lurdes - posted on 05/07/2016

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Any mother will grieve. There is no turn off button on your love and missing your children. I think that making it sound so easy is not truthful unless you are dieing to see your child leave.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/09/2016

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No one was downplaying your feelings, OP, just telling you that those feelings, while possibly normal (I wouldn't know, did not feel grief, when my eldest transitioned to his own home, I felt joy, happiness, and a sense of accomplishment because I'd raised him well) are destructive and non productive.

The fact that you say you feel hate for his choice of lifestyle and partner are a concern. Perhaps you would do well with some counseling.

Jodi - posted on 05/08/2016

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Maria, we understand these feelings are very real to you, and noone was trying to downplay it. But we are trying to say that these feelings are unproductive, and, in fact, potentially destructive. Counselling can help you with moderating these feelings. Missing your child is normal. Feeling anger, hate and such a huge level of grief is not normal - I'm not saying it isn't real to you, I'm saying it is not normal. These are such strong emotions that if you don't find a way to manage them, they will not lead to a healthy adult relationship with your child, but rather, a destructive one. Please seek help.

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When it comes to our children we never stop being concerned for them, I don't have an adult child so I don't even know your pain. If you are a believer, I recently went through a tremendous battle with my teen, although the situation was out of control I remained believing that God would bring beauty out of ashes. When I cried, I cried to Him...when I thought of the worst I told Him about it. My situation isn't over but I trust Him. My pain has helped me wrapped my arms around mommies that are in the same struggle. I turn all my fears and sadness to Him and He comforts me. Many blessings...

Maria Lurdes - posted on 05/08/2016

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It would be great if we could all feel like you but its not as easy as you make it sound. Yes they belong to us God first and they were given to us and even if we live apart. It is a strong bond that only death can break. Great they turn into wonderful adults but the missing and grieving still are legitimate feelings. I would never down play someone's feelings. It is like telling someone just to shut off. I can not and I understand what other mothers feel.

Michelle - posted on 05/07/2016

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I agree with Jodi. Our job as a parent is to teach our children to become independent and live their own life.
Yes, we can miss them when they leave but we have to trust that we have done our job well enough for them to make good choices in life. They aren't dead so to grieve is very extreme. I would also suggest counseling for you as the emotions you are feeling aren't good.
I will also add that no woman would be good enough for him in your eyes. You need to let him make his own choices. If they turn out to be mistakes then he has to learn from them.

Jodi - posted on 05/07/2016

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Maria, I am not saying it is easy, but I am saying that if your child is an adult, then things like grief and anger are unproductive and probably a little concerning. Our children were raised with the intention that they become adults who will spread their wings and fly from their nest. Your son is 21 and you need to let go. If you are experiencing such hate, anger and grief, I think you need to seek some counselling. I'm not suggesting you shouldn't miss him - of course you will miss him. Any parent would. But you are using words such as hate, anger and grief, and this is much greater than just missing a child that you should have expected would leave home at some point around this age.

Sarah - posted on 05/07/2016

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My son left for college, which is different but is a a cadet at West Point so he does not get to come home to visit. One day here the next gone. After he graduates he will serve in the military for a minimum of 5 years. That part I think about becasue he may be overseas. I feel joy though that he is left my home and is making decisions and progressing into adulthood. If you have faith in the way you raised your children then have faith they will take care of themselves. At 16, I would report him missing to the police and begin an investigation

Maria Lurdes - posted on 05/07/2016

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I think my son was pushed and bullied, he went from telling me to not worry he wasn't ready to settle down, to now this woman wants to have a baby and there he went. He wants me to accept her but I can't. I feel hate. Which makes me sicker. I fought so hard health wise to have him and he has caused me the greatest pain so far. I'm sick to my stomach. I feel for you. Yours is just 16.

Maria Lurdes - posted on 05/07/2016

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He is 21 , I have four children two still at home but he and I always shared a unique bond. I am crying everyday and I am angry at the same time. He moved in with an older girl and he was always a follower. I worry but I can't see him because I'm so hurt. God I also feel so silly.

Jodi - posted on 05/07/2016

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Oh crap, I didn't read that, LOL. I shouldn't come here when I am tired :P

Michelle - posted on 05/07/2016

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Jodi, the reply is from someone else. We still don't know how old the OP's son is.

Jodi - posted on 05/07/2016

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Ah, well, you didn't mention how old he was. I agree, he is too young to move out. I am sorry you don't know where he is. Do you have any way to contact him to reach out at all? Just to let him know you love him and that you are there if he needs you?

Karen - posted on 05/07/2016

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Im greiving my son also, I dont think that moving out at 16, they have any idea yet on how to run their lives, he was influenced by girlfriend and girlfriends mother., I actually feel more like he was brainwashed and kidnapped. He was a happy young man concentrating on his tennis and friends and school. society allows these young ones too much freedom and they are not equipped with the maturity to get out on a whim because they are struggling with boundaries. I thrived on boundaries as a young girl (didnt like them!) but now have respect and understanding why my parents and society back then actually put them into play with no argument! Who ever you are.... my heart goes out to you, because I am majorly suffering myself with this issue, havnt spoken to my son for 3 months, he wont talk to me, I have no idea where he is now, and its breaking my heart literally

Jodi - posted on 05/07/2016

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How old is your son? One thing that all mothers must accept is that our children grow up and move on. They don't belong to us. We shouldn't grieve when they move on, we should take pride in the fact that we raised our children to be independent functional adults.

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