Son Wont Talk about feelings

Amanda - posted on 08/10/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




My son was doing good with talking, in fact I was told he was ahead of his age group. He is going to be five in November and starts kindergarten in the fall. I have been trying to do somethings with him that I know they do in school, ie yarn art which is yarn in glue put on a ballon. So when we tried it today he started doing it seemed to be having fun then told me he didn't want to get dirty. I said thats fine we don't have to finish it it is up to you. He pushed his chair out and went and washed his hands. I warmed my self up a scone and he demanded one. I told him I want to hear nice words before he gets anything. He started to pout. I tried to talk to him but he growled at me, which is what my one year old niece does. I have told him many times that he doesn't have to act like her but he does. He use to tell me everything now he just shuts down. He can talk all day about machines and planes and trains but as soon as I ask what is wrong I can't get a word out of him. Anyone else go through this and what did you do to get them to talk.


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Denikka - posted on 08/10/2012




Give him words to use.
Many kids don't really understand how to communicate what they're feeling. They don't have the vocabulary to explain. They may understand a word like *mad*, but may feel that mad isn't the right word or a strong enough word. Instead of mad, they may be frustrated or discouraged.

It's like saying I love my dog, I love my husband, I love my child, I love chocolate. Each time you use the term *love*, it means something different. Children have a harder time grasping the concept that the same word can have different meaning. You can help him put different emotion words into certain categories. Such as frusterated would be under *mad* or *angry* emotions. Discouraged could be under *sad* emotions.
Give your son an assortment of words to choose from or attempt to pick out the best fit for him. You can ask him simple yes/no questions or give statements that he can agree or disagree with. *I guess you weren't having much fun* *do you want to do something else?* *Would you like to try this activity again later?*

He may also just be a person who internalizes things until he deals with them. Some people are like that. They just don't like to talk about their feelings, they want to deal with things on their own.
I agree with Michelle, definitely ensure that he understands that it's okay to feel however he's feeling and that you're there to listen to him and help him if that's what HE wants. There are no negative emotions. Each one has its place and purpose. You can give him certain activities that he can do specifically when he feels an angry emotion or a sad emotion. Give him a special chair that he can go to, or a special area where he can sit and work his feelings out. You could give him a special book to read during this time, teach him to meditate, give him a bop it doll (soft but weighted at the bottom, you punch it and it pops back upright) or punching bag to work out his frustrations on. Find something that HE feels is helpful.

Michelle - posted on 08/10/2012




just keep asking tell him that he seems angry or sad or whatever the emotion is that he is portraying then tell it is okay to feel this way but mommy can't help make it better unless he tells you what is the matter. Validate his feelings and really listen as something that seems small to you could be major to him.

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