Spanking, 2

Merry - posted on 08/07/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Well I had a few questions for pro spanking moms but the thread was closed so I'll ask here!


I wonder, would you spanking moms be ok with other people spanking your child?
Teachers? Babysitters? Uncles? Grandmas? Cousins? Neighbors? Coaches? Lifeguards? Police officers? Librarians?
Would you spank someone else's kid?
If spanking is only a last resort when *nothing* else works then what should others do in those last resort situations?
Shouldn't your kid be manageable so that anyone can handle them? If you, the one who knows and loves them best, has to resort to physical punishment then how do you expect others to keep your kids safe and in line?

Why don't I spank? Believe no living creature deserves to be physically 'abused, injured, punished, smacked, spanked, hit, etc' if they deserve physical punishment then they learn that sometimes they do bad enough to deserve being hit. As adults or teens this can lead to them thinking they are justified in hitting their boyfriend girlfriend classmate spouse pet etc if they feel they 'deserve' it.
Then where is the line drawn? Is it only ok to hit little kids?but not big kids? Not spouses? Not pets? Not elderly?

Even prisoners aren't spanked or physically hit.
Your kid can't be worse then the drug dealers rapists and murderers can they?

Of course not, your kids are good kids deep down, they just mess up sometimes. And sometimes they do it on purpose to see the reaction, test the limits, or simply out of impulse. This makes them human, not bad.

No kid deserves to be hit.

So the question, if your kid 'needs' spankings sometimes, can other adults spank them?

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Jodi - posted on 08/07/2011

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Laura, once the moderators have decided to lock a thread, it isn't okay to start a new one to continue the debate or argument. So this thread will also be locked.

Thank you
Jodi
WtCoM Moderator

[deleted account]

Hi Laura, I actually personally agree with you and chances are that someone might cut this discussion off though I think it's fine to be able to have some healthy debates on here as well. I don't want to debate on behalf of pro-spanking, however, because I agree with you in my own parenting but at the same time I do want to tease it out a little bit more. As a psychologist, I do think that this type of thing merits a conversation rather than a debate where there is one side against the other. You are fueling a fire with your comment that pushes people back on their heels and makes them defensive about their discipline style rather than creating a conducive context for reflection and change. One of the things that needs to be discussed is the etiology of spanking. It is a response and a consequence, not discipline. It comes from the traditional understanding that parents (particularly the father) are authorities and children are subordinates and rather than engaging children in conversation, they were slapped/spanked/whipped back in line when they became insubordinate for any reason. It is sad, really, and back in the day I'm not sure it was a huge problem but today spanking (9 times outta 10) is more for the parent. It's the easy way out and requires NOTHING more than delivering a consequence. today's children need to be better engaged and participatory and need to feel like they are connected. This is why kids start acting up on purpose for the negative attention that gives them an emotional connection that may not otherwise be present. When a parent spanks they are exerting emotion (anger, frustration, stress, insecurity) and the child picks up on that and it starts to shape the child. We don't want that. But the same can be said for yelling. Everything that you said about spanking, I feel about yelling as well. it is useless as discipline. Yelling only causes problems for children as they start to experience shame and guilt and insecurity when it is probably completely unnecessary. I work VERY hard at NEVER raising my voice at anyone but especially my children. I also work very hard at knowing when my child's poor judgment or negative behavior is my fault (i.e. I let her/him go to long without something to eat, or I needed her/him to skip nap for the day, or I woke her/him up, I said we would do something and we didn't get to do it, I misunderstand her/him, you get the picture). Anyways, discipline needs to be consistent with the negative behavior and perhaps that is the most important condition. So I suppose if a kid is going around hitting people then hitting her/him back might have some merit :-). All that to say that sometimes reframing the whole thing through the lens of discipline is more helpful than being smartellic about the whole thing. This is an important topic and one that parents who don't know another way (besides spanking) feel safe and comfortable expressing themselves and figuring out a different way.

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