'spanking'

Rachel - posted on 11/24/2011 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I am posting this as I could not respond to a post from a lady named Margot, 'I have to say my two cents on spanking a child' My god, some of the responses to her post made me think one thing, have alot of you got a stick up your backsides???? There is a HUGE difference between spanking and beating your child to death!! No child can die from a spanking?! I AM NOT SAYING IT IS RIGHT AND I AM NOT SAYING IT IS WRONG! Just to make that point clear and Margot was doing the same in saying each to their own, what works for you as a parent works for you but dont judge other parents on what works for them!!!!! I am a 25 year old single mum to 2 children, a boy almost 4 and a girl of 11 months. I dont spank my daughter, clearly she is too young to understand and doesnt know right from wrong but i haved smacked my boy on the bum or the hand when he has been naughty. I do the naughty step, I count, I give him warnings and if he carries on he gets a smack on the bum! He knows he has been wrong and he apologises and we cuddle and I say sorry but you have to listen to mummy and all is forgiven and goes back to normal! I was in a bad relationship with my childrens father, he hit me on several occasions and was violent in other ways like throwing heavy items at me and he did not stop in front of my boy! He knows spanking, smacking, hitting is a bad thing and he knows not to do it himself but he also knows he has pushed me too far if i give him a smack on the bum. I dont leave bruises, marks cuts like his father did to me, I do not beat my boy and I do not abuse him! A lady quite rightly pointed out about the 'youth of today' and the lack of respect kids and teenagers have for the adults in their lives, the crime rates and so on. Children had rulers across their hands, wooden spoons, a smacked bum and so on and so fourth back when our parents and grandparents were younger and do you hear them crying to their shrinks that they had a bad life and it ruined them? No! It didnt do any harm! With the media and all the proffesionals telling us 'how we should raise our kids' somewhere along the lines wires have got crossed, what happened to just being a parent?? learning from our mistakes and raising our kids how WE want to? It is not up to anyone else despite your 'opinions' if spanking is wrong or right as Margot tried to point out, each to their own! If you are going to beat your child then quite rightly you dont desrve that child and shouldnt be a parent but dont judge the mothers who do give their child a tap or a smack for doing wrong when all else fails. Every child and every parent is different, you may be blessed with a well behaved child or a very good temper but dont forget anger is an emotion and raising children can be a very emotional time for some parents! Also yes I do feel bad after I have smacked my boys hand or bum but as I said I wait for him to calm down, he then says sorry for what it is he has done and I say sorry too. If you rush straight to them and say sorry as soon as you did it then there really is no point! Dont try to explain to other people and justify your reasons for doing what you do as a parent, just be! It hasnt really got anything else to do with anyone else how you parent your child, support and understanding is what this site is all about! Or did I not get the memo about it being a place for judgement by those who think they know what is best?

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Liz - posted on 11/24/2011

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I find it interesting that many people who disagree with spanking think that those of us who do "don't learn or resolve anything". Why is that? Is it just assumed that I don't speak to my children, I just run around seeing what they're doing that I don't like and swatting at them all day long? Nope. I don't wake up each morning thinking, "hmm...how can I ruin my kids' lives today?" I love my kids more than any of one you ever could, just because I spank them does not mean I love them less than you love your kids.

Jenni - posted on 11/24/2011

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It's pretty funny.... because the original post that led to Margot's post. Was a parent who spanks calling parent's who don't spank's children "worthless human beings".

I'm pretty sure if I started a post saying "parents who spank are raising worthless human beings", I'd receive a lot of backlash too for my comment.

I find it interesting that people can get all huffy puffy over others passing judgement while in the next breath passing judgement of their own.

Jodi - posted on 11/24/2011

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31 countries in the world disagree with you.



"Every child and every parent is different, you may be blessed with a well behaved child or a very good temper but dont forget anger is an emotion and raising children can be a very emotional time for some parents! "



And right here, it tells me you smack your children when you are angry because your anger gets the better of you. THAT is not ok. Even spanking advocates will tell you that isn't ok. If you find yourself spanking in anger, then you really shouldn't be spanking at all.

Katherine - posted on 11/24/2011

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I'm locking this thread. This was discussed and the same turn out. No point in going round and round.

Katherine WtCoM
Administrator

This conversation has been closed to further comments

22 Comments

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Kellie - posted on 11/24/2011

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I'm with Tamara. Definitely a troll and definitely all the same person.

Tamara - posted on 11/24/2011

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My guess Troll same troll who started the same topic for the last three days.

Johnny - posted on 11/24/2011

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It never dies. No one ever agrees. People are very defensive. This could go on for months.

Jenni - posted on 11/24/2011

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Rachel, this site is about mom support but it is also about discussion... which can include "hot topics". "Hot topics" are allowed to be discussed as long as members follow the THUMPS guidelines.

If you feel a member has violated those guidelines you can 'report' the post in which the violation was made and the Admin or moderators of that community will assess the post to see if a violation was breached.

But posters are free to discuss and *disagree* with any topic they wish. And yes, typically if someone disagrees with your (general "your") stance and explains why. It may be seen as a judgement on you as a parent. But it's pretty much impossible to say you disagree with a topic and why without stepping on someone's toes. This in itself is not against COM guidelines. We are all very much within our rights to 'debate' topics. Of course it probably isn't kosher to debate another mom's post when she is seeking help or advice. But that is not what this original topic was based on... it was one mom giving her opinion on a parenting style which led to a debate on that parenting style.

I am curious how a new member with only 6 posts is so familiar on what this site is about?

Johnny - posted on 11/24/2011

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I talk to my husband, I try to get him to listen, but after the 20th time he's left his socks on the floor, I really find a good smack get's his attention.

Rachel - posted on 11/24/2011

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Jenni, as I stated in my post I don't think its right or wrong I was only simply trying to point out that people judging others on their parenting skills is wrong! Yes I have smacked my boy, doesn't mean I beat him and it doesn't make me a bad parent it makes my parenting different from others! People are quick to see certain parts from a post and judge instead of reading the whole thing and taking it in, I am not passing judgement on any mum that does not smack their children! And that post whoever put it up was wrong to say so but I am saying, again each to their own, this is supposed to be a site for help, support and understanding not judgement and arguements

Rachel - posted on 11/24/2011

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Child for one point and no if you read my post properly you would see I use different points to dicipline my bot and if all else fails I will give him a smack on the bum, I have not at any point said I constantly beat or smack my kids my daughter is still a baby but I don't think it is wrong or right as I also pointed out but you probably skipped over that in capitol letters, I am quite clearly trying to point out that it is to each parent how they raise their own children not for everyone else to JUDGE as you have quite clearly done! Just goes to show how closed minded some people can be that they can't except that not every parent is 'perfect' we are all learning by our mistakes, something else I said and when are people going to realise that?

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/24/2011

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Oh boy here we go yet again (grabbing my turkey dinner and getting cozy...this gone be good)

Jaime - posted on 11/24/2011

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Spanking is legal (within limits) in some countries, but that doesn't mean it is effective or appropriate. And those in our parents' generation that you claim aren't running to a shrink for mental help---no you're probably right, they're not...but I'll guarantee you they are the ones that believe strongly in spanking their own children. Thus the cycle continues and nothing is ever learned or resolved. I don't agree with spanking, but I also don't look down on others that do spank. My sister spanks her kids, and although I believe there are better, more effective methods, I also believe that eventually spanking will be illegal and all of those professionals 'telling us how to raise our kids' will have to be heard at some point.

Rachel - posted on 11/24/2011

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That's your own opinion as I said before it is not up to anyone how you raise your own children and I am not violating my child! That is very over stated, each to their own, you want to judge go ahead its not going to change my opinion! Violating my child, really?!

Katherine - posted on 11/24/2011

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Honestly, I can't even respond to this post. Putting your 2 cents in to justify violating your child is WRONG.

Liz - posted on 11/24/2011

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Agreed. I didn't read the other post, but I agree with what you have said. I read once that your child should only receive a spanking when THEY know they deserve it - when they are being defiant. I have tried to go by that guideline when disciplining my boys. There is a difference between manhandling your child and forcing them to do your will, and DISCIPLINING them. Some discipline one way and it works great, and some discipline this way and it works great. Let's not criticize each other. You (general you) don't know my kids and I don't know your kids. As long as our kids are happy and healthy, who really cares?

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