Spanking as a means of Punishment

Gaynor - posted on 07/09/2014 ( 21 moms have responded )

2

0

1

Do u believe that spanking is an effective means of punishing a child ... I spank my ten year old when he lies but I am not sure how much it has been working. I have really been praying and asking God to break the spirit of lying within him. I am waiting for that breakthrough.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ev - posted on 09/08/2014

7,936

7

918

Michaela, rewards do not work for long either. Kids will begin to expect that to happen each time they behave the right way. They do not need rewards to show that they are doing a good job. Reinforcement of saying how they acted and why it was good sends a better message. As I said in this situation there may be underlying issues mom does not know of. Its best to try to get the kid to talk about problems rather than just spanking them to get a point across. I work with kids in the young set of 5 and younger. Trust me, for the last 8.5 years I have been using other methods that get me more results than spanking ever could. I have used them on my own kids too. So you can not tell me I am raising kids that will not turn out right.

Michaela - posted on 09/08/2014

24

0

2

Thank you ladies for an interesting discussion in the spirit of free America!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/08/2014

13,264

21

2015

I'm going to agree that michala is trolling, that's for sure.

Gaynor, Hopefully you've seen that there are better alternatives, and the breakthrough will probably happen when you change disciplinary methods. Ask God...See what He thinks! After all, He's where my guidance comes from, and my kids are successful adults.

Dove - posted on 09/08/2014

11,894

0

1350

I'm not reading responses yet, but... spanking a 10 year old is ridiculous. At that age you have SO much more powerful consequences at your disposal because they 'typically' have a lot more belongings and freedoms to take away. I very, very, very rarely spank beyond the age of 5.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/08/2014

13,264

21

2015

Come on over and meet my kids, Michala. Two grown young men who were spanked, UNTIL THEY COULD UNDERSTAND SIMPLE ENGLISH. Once they were old enough to understand what they were being told (around the age of THREE YEARS OLD) the spankings stopped and the discussions started.

What makes you think that beating your kids is the ONLY ACCEPTABLE PUNISHMENT????? It's not. Active discussion, including rewards for good behaviour, and punishment for undesired behaviour, works WONDERS. From the age of 3 on, we used a counting method. Trust me, I never got past the first couple numbers of the countdown before behaviour was completely back in line, apologies were made and accepted, and we were moving forward.

But, you won't actually read this, because its a logical explanation of why your method of continual beating is actually abuse.

21 Comments

View replies by

Ev - posted on 09/08/2014

7,936

7

918

Michaela,

I did not have to use swats after a certain age. If you set the rules and explain what is supposed to be the behaviors you expect of your kids and list the punishments that are going with those broken rules or unacceptable behavior, that does work. But you definitely did not read what I wrote. I read all the posts here and I have to agree with the others. I know and understand what you said, but MY KIDS are almost adults. I raised them to be the adults they are. I work with children everyday and I do a lot of what I did at home with mine in compliance with work regulations. The point here is that after a certain age spanking does not work. Tell that to the kids I know who did get spankings and then laughed in the faces of their parents....And writing sentences did work. What kid wants to sit until they have written both the front and back of notebook paper that is college ruled. It is over 25 lines each side! When my son wrote those sentences he calmed down, he concentrated on the task before him, he got his writing skills worked on, and he even went back and corrected his mistakes. He then learned that what he wrote, "I will not do so and so" was impressed into his mind and he did not ever do that again. I have taken away his privileges when he has broke other rules. I got the desired change in behavior without spanking him. My daughter did not do so much to get into trouble but when she had a moment or two, I did what needed done.

Dove - posted on 09/08/2014

11,894

0

1350

Pulling your preteen daughters' pants down to spank them is sexual abuse by the way.... Disgusting and I hope if you aren't a troll they get brave enough to turn you into CPS VERY soon...

Dove - posted on 09/08/2014

11,894

0

1350

Ahem... troll bait anyone? lol

Spanking is the stupidest way to try and TEACH a child anything... even the professionals (the very few of them) who 'praise' spanking will tell you that you HAVE to speak to your child and explain what they did wrong and why it was wrong... otherwise all you are teaching your kid is to not get hit.... and then what are you going to do when that child is big enough to knock YOU on your butt.... Yeah, enjoy that.

OP... please listen to the parents that have 'been there, done that' and have ADULT children (or teenagers... as my oldest is still a ways off from being an adult) who are rather upstanding citizens w/out beating the snot out of them.

Michaela - posted on 09/08/2014

24

0

2

Writing sentences, discussions ... Se my last commentary before this one.

Regarding spanking, follow the law in your state/country! And if it's allowed, don't spank if you don't want to. If you want to, do!

I agree with you, you should not spank in anger. I never spank my two daughters 9 and 11 in anger. If I feel the least frustrated I wait until I'm calm again, and then pull their pants and panties down, place them over my knees and begin spanking with my hand or with the hairbrush leaving (at occasions) quite a well deserved red bottom (and yes stinging sometimes) but never bruises. What you call fear of the parent, I call a healthy respect. The kids know that I decide and not they, among other things if and when they are going to be spanked. They have no say in the matter. That's true family discipline!

Ev - posted on 09/08/2014

7,936

7

918

Micheala--I am right on only one thing huh? I am not going to agrue either. I have raised two children to adulthood. I only swatted bottoms when they were little to get their attention to a dangerous thing. I did not have to spank at all because I was a hands on mom who worked with my kids when they did things that were not okay. When they were little I let natural consequences do the job of teaching them things, used redirection to change their activities to the ones that were acceptable, I told them what was expected of them when we did things outside the home that was age appropriate, I gave consequences that went with the situation. For example, when they got older, if they did something that was not acceptable they wrote sentences that went along with the situation or behavior. I do not remember how many times my son did that one and it was always a very long time between misbehavior. As older kids or teens we had our discussions as to what the rules were and how and what consequences would be administered. My oldest is nearing 25 and is a mother. She is raising her daughter much the same way I did her. My son is a senior in high school and he is doing chores at home, listening to what I have to say or do, he does not lie to me because he will tell me when he has done something he should not and we deal with it. He is on his way to being a productive member of society.

As for the spanking, I was speaking in general terms of the matter. But where I live it is considered abuse if an implement is used on a child such as a belt, wood spoon, hairbrushes, and other things similar of nature. It does not matter if it is on a bare bottom or not. The only kind of spanking allowed is bare hand on a clothed bottom.

The right way to spank is not in frustration or anger. That is where the whole thing of spanking hard and furiously comes in. Spanking hard and leaving a red, stinging bottom only accomplishes fear of the parent. The best way is to tell the child why they get the spanking and only to give so many whacks on the bottom. AND YOU CAN IMPOSE INJURY BY SPANKING HARD! What do you call bruises.

Michaela - posted on 09/08/2014

24

0

2

On the contrary I thought that this discussion was about teaching a kid not to lie, and that a good spanking now and then would help him in that direction!

The main problem with parenting today is that the parents rely to much on discussions with their children (even young ones) and don't get anywhere. It's quite simple: Work with a system of reward and punishment. Good behaviour is rewarded, bad is punished, and in a way that children understand, with a traditional old fashioned spanking.

The refusal to accept that spanking children has worked for two thousand years is catastrophical for society, which can no longer handle its kids. The 'antispanking lobby' always try to make this high drama and a matter of life and death, when it's really a question of a chastisement ending in a red bottom, not the end of the world!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/08/2014

13,264

21

2015

Your blinders are still on.

When your kids learn to lie to conceal things from you so that they won't be beaten, the beatings are not serving the purpose that you wish them to serve.

Furthermore, using a disciplinary swat to correct a YOUNG child is one thing, but beating a child who has simple understanding of your native language is merely admitting that you cannot handle the situation in an adult manner and approach a solution using your words, not your hands or another implement. You're basically admitting that the only way you can communicate with your kid is through physical abuse, rather than (as adults do) using words and working to a solution.

Whatever. You don't see a problem with physically abusing your kids, rather than being an adult...not my problem. Hopefully your kids will see it your way, but it's doubtful, as even in the cultures where such abuse is considered 'normal', abuse charges are starting to pop up.

I'm done arguing. You don't care to see the proper alternative, you just want to continue to beat your kids, and justify it by saying that beatings are 'legal' in your country.

Michaela - posted on 09/08/2014

24

0

2

And all the same where I live discipline with the hand or an implement is legal!

But when you write that 'they (kids) will figure out what you don't want to hear so that they will not be abused', then spanking has worked. In Gaynor's case, her son will know that if he lies he gets spanked, he would like to avoid that, and then don't tell any more lies. A successful correction of his behaviour!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/08/2014

13,264

21

2015

Well, you keep your head in that little bubble!

Spankings as a form of discipline is one thing. BEATINGS, such as you are advocating, either with your hand or with another implement, are ABUSE.

All that you will accomplish with your continued abuse of your kid is that they will figure out how NOT to tell you what you don't want to hear, so that they will not be abused. In other words, beating your child only enforces the need to lie even more.

Michaela - posted on 09/08/2014

24

0

2

Discipline in form of spankings are always effective in the end when it comes to correcting a child's behaviour. You only have to continue, and continue until you reach your aim - in Gaynor's case to get an obediant child who don't lie! A red and smarting behind will teach him to tell the truth. It's up to the parent to show that his or her will is stronger than the child's.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/08/2014

13,264

21

2015

And how's that working out for you?

If spankings are not effective, Michaela, further abuse won't be any more effective.

Michaela - posted on 09/08/2014

24

0

2

Evelyn. You are right in one thing you should never break the law. But if it's allowed both to spank on bare bottom and with implements where you live, I recommend that you do that! Implements always bring home the point more forcefully. A really red - but not bruised - behind is not dangerous to the wellbeing of the child!

In Gaynor' s case I think it' s quite simple. Despite the fact that her boy is told not to lie he continues, and deserves a good spanking over and over again until he mends his ways. To 'talk' with kids (under a certain age) to correct their behaviour seldom works. As you say prayer may help, but as you also say 'you also have to be proactive yourself', and I think that spanking is the absolutely best 'proactivity there is! It shows the child the consequenses (painful yes, but necessary) of disobeying his/her parents.

So Gaynor continue to spank on bare bottom with hand or implement (if it's allowed where you live) and make a good job of it! You will eventually have a very obedient child.

Ev - posted on 09/07/2014

7,936

7

918

Michaela-I have to disagree with you on that. Spanking harder and more often does not work. Spanking harder can lead to injury to the child and in some states or countries it is considered child abuse if you spank other than using hand on clothing covered area and in other places spanking is against the law. If spanking has not worked by a certain point, then as Shawnn has pointed out, try another form of consequence that fits what is being done; in this case it is lying.

Gaynor-you need to find out what is making your child lie to you about whatever he is lying on. Sometimes there are underlying issues that are going on and could be a trigger to the lying issue. Once you have found that out, you might be able to come up with better consequences or get the child the help that they need. Prayer is a good thing. It helps. But God also wants us to help ourselves too. Waiting for his intervention does not always work. You also have to be proactive too.

Michaela - posted on 09/07/2014

24

0

2

Spank him harder and more often and you will se that it will work in the end. Good luck!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/09/2014

13,264

21

2015

Well, he's still lying, so it's NOT working. How about some other consequences?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms