Spankings

Stephanie - posted on 08/27/2017 ( 20 moms have responded )

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I am a strict mom and I believe in using spankings for my two daughters age 12 and 17, I spank with either a belt or paddle. It's an effective punishment and it works in our family.

What do others think?

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Judy - posted on 08/30/2017

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My thinking is that, with teenagers, there needs to be an "exit plan." In other words, these "kids" will be leaving home to go to college, or to live on their own in the not-too-distant future. And, that means that they need to be monitoring and governing their own behavior, as you will not be there to do that for them. So, as their parent, it behooves me to start shifting the onus of responsibility for this from me (and maybe my partner) over to them. If I do not do that, then I am not preparing them for being an adult and living on their own.

Sarah - posted on 08/30/2017

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Stephanie I have been trying to think of an analogy to make my point-
When I was a child I picked up a sparkler (from 4th of July) after it had burnt but had not cooled, and it hurt; therefore I knew not to do it again.
In school I was told to write lines for talking out of turn; so I learned to control myself and never had to do it again.
When I overspent in high school, I had to ask my parents for a loan and they charged me interest (on 25 dollars); I learned to budget.
My point being when you are given consequences the desired effect is to teach you to modify your behavior so that you are not subjected to said consequences again. If spanking is "working" why do your nearly grown children continue to need to be spanked?

Stephanie - posted on 08/30/2017

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Well I find that it works for my kids. It's never created any issues

Sarah - posted on 08/29/2017

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I agree with you Jessica, that it is a parents choice in how they discipline their children. However, if your children have not learned to be obedient by 12 and 17, and your choice of discipline is to strike them; then is it really working? My 13 yo is obedient, I can't recall the last time I had to discipline her and that is because she was trained from a very early age to be respectfully obedient. By treating her with respect, but being consistent with consequences she knows exactly what will happen if she choose to not obey me. She does not fear me, she knows if she screws up she can tell me and that I will not hurt her. Rather I will listen and help her figure out where she went wrong and guide her. That's my issue with spanking. IMO it causes your child to fear you, and if you are still doing it to a near adult? Doesn't that prove it is ineffective?

Michelle - posted on 08/28/2017

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If you went and hit a stranger in the street because you thought they had done something wrong you would be charged with assault. If you used something to hit that person it would be aggravated assault.
Why is it different if it is your own child? You are using an implement to inflict pain on your child.
I have 2 teenage boys and I haven't laid a hand on them since they were toddlers, and even then it was a swat on their bottom with a nappy on.
My 16yo son saw this and said that if I had to spank him to discipline him it wouldn't work. He would also report me. He knows right from wrong and knows what I expect in this house. I don't have unreasonable rules either. I treat him like the young adult he is and he has grown into a very polite and respectful young man.
If I do have to discipline him, it's taking away what he loves. He then has to earn it back.

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Sarah - posted on 09/03/2017

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"My children are not that old yet but, if you don't spank them starting at a young the way this generation is, you will be in huge trouble.
Really Takala? You have no idea what you are talking about. Many children are raised to be respectful and productive adults. i was never hit as a kids, and I am successful in life. I never hit my kid and I have a 20yo at West Point, an 18yo with a full academic ride and also playing volleyball in college, 15yo who already has a job and gets great grades and a 13 yo that also behaves, gets good grades, and is cheerfully active in the church. Wow, I much have just gotten lucky, that I did not have to beat them into shape.

Nicky - posted on 09/02/2017

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How disgusting! - You Stephanie are a bully!!! ... If you can't be a parent without hurting your kids - then do not have had any!! .. I feel incredibly sorry for your children, and they will absolutely remember all those times you hurt them - thats your legacy - well done! you hurt children who couldn't defend themselves, what a hero you are .... - Now you will be the one who has to live with the consequences of your actions ... Good luck with that!!

Michelle - posted on 09/02/2017

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I am a strict Mum and don't spank. Your views are outdated Takala.
I have teens who are respectful and live by my rules. They don't fear me but the consequences if they misbehave. You don't have to abuse another person for them to follow the rules, that is just showing them that they can break the rules (as you are doing when abusing another person).

Takala - posted on 09/01/2017

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Stephanie. Let me tell you something honey. My children are not that old yet but, if you don't spank them starting at a young the way this generation is, you will be in huge trouble. I think you are doing a great job and don't let up. Where I came from, you are never to old to get your behind cut or get a spanking. That's what my grandma said. If you are not strict with them while they are young, they will tell you what not to do, what to do, what they will do and will not do. I'm just saying. And teenagers thank that when they hit mid teens like fifteen they think they are grown and know everything and don't know nothing.

Sarah - posted on 09/01/2017

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Amber, sadly there is a large community of parents that still see this an the best way to discipline a child.

Amber - posted on 09/01/2017

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No, no, no. Highly inapropriate, you wouldnt like it? I can assure you they dont, as a mother of a 12 year old i wouldnt be EVER seen doing that because i wouldnt. I have ex-stream problems with abusive parents. Take stuff off them dont assult them...

Sarah - posted on 08/30/2017

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Well said Judy and that is a point not bought up much; that we must prepare our children to mange for themselves.

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I think it should be based on each child. Some kids respond well to grounding and lost privileges some will respond best to lecturing but there are some who think it is worth those consequences and will ignore being grounded. Spanking to me should be a last resort considering how many options are out there now days. If your teens are still pushing boundaries maybe there is more going on maybe they are having problems at school or with their friends. Ultimately it is up to the parents how they raise their children there will always be people out there who don't agree with your methods but it should really be about how your children respond and if they are learning what you are trying to teach them.

Sarah - posted on 08/28/2017

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I just don't get it either. I have four kids, 20, 18, 15 and 13. I have never spanked. I just think it completely unnecessary and cruel. What do you think it teaches them? What will you do when you 17yo is 18 and legally an adult? I have insisted on respectful obedience from the early years and I am very proud of the kids I have raised. Do they misbehave and act up? Of course, they are human and even I make mistakes or lose my cool at times.
If you want some praise, a pat on the back and someone to discuss the gruesome details of red your can make your child's bottom; take it to the pro-spankers community.

Stephanie - posted on 08/28/2017

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Why do you think that? And what do you think makes it abuse? I'm not arguing with you I'm curious about your opinion

Michelle - posted on 08/27/2017

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I think that if you are still spanking teens then it's not an effective punishment.
Using an implement is abuse.

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