Special needs children and marriage

User - posted on 01/08/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I'm just wondering how other women/mothers cope with or handle husbands who don't believe their child has a "problem"? Our 12 month old daughter has many physical and developmental delays, but it undiagnosed as of now. My husband of 8 years, (we have a 10 yr old typical daughter also), just thinks the baby is a" runt" and will grow out of her problems. This is the opposite of all doctors and therapists she works with. I understand he has his own way, but if he or anyone in his family tells me one more time that I am wasting money on unnecessary medical visits, I will hurt someone. So I guess my question is, how do your marriages survive it?? Am I the only one who believes insurance companies need to provide marriage counseling to parents of special needs children for free???

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/09/2015

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If he's been to the medical appointment and therapy sessions, then he's handling things in his own time. Men process these things differently.

When my eldest has his bouts with medical issues (frequently) my hubby, his dad, will initially be irritable about the situation, but once he handles it in his way, he's supportive and 150% with us.

Counseling is a good idea, though, and your physicians will be able to recommend family therapists that help the rest of the family cope with the medical diagnoses and processes.

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Sarah - posted on 01/09/2015

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When my son needed speech therapy at 24 months, everyone told me I was overreacting. I heard over and over, "he is your third kid, he doesn't need to talk, he will catch up on his own, you are wasting your time" For me, the question I ask myself is: Will I regret pursuing therapy for my child or will I regret not pursuing therapy? He qualified for services as he had a 9 month delay and after a year he closed the gap. Initially, my husband was not on board and would get angry when I would tell him the techniques the speech therapist taught me to use to solicit speech from my son. I think he was afraid, but gradually he started to come around. I don't know the extent of your daughter's delays, but maybe dad just needs some time.

User - posted on 01/09/2015

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My husband has been to all the doctors appointments, and a couple of therapies at the hospital. We also do several EI programs in the home, and he works from a home office. He's in the house, but not necessarily in the room for her sessions. He's well-aware of all of the treatment. She has yet to have a firm diagnosis so that's probably his issue. Yes, I'm baffled at his reaction to all of this. Maybe he is just afraid to admit it. Whatever it is, it's taking a toll on our marriage. I'm just tired of defending my thoughts and actions to help our daughter. I was more or less looking for input from other mothers who have maybe been in similar situations. I'm sure I'm not the only one. And I was being rather sarcastic about the marriage counseling. Although it still would be nice! How do your husbands react to it?

Michelle - posted on 01/09/2015

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I don't believe insurance companies need to provide marriage counselling for parents of special needs children as it's not their fault your marriage can't deal with the problems.
I agree with Sarah, get your husband along to the doctors visits.
Maybe he's in denial because he doesn't want to think that his gene's may be responsible for the problems as well.

Sarah - posted on 01/08/2015

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Has your husband been present at the evaluations and therapy? If, at 12 months, she has been diagnosed with multiple disabilities, how can he not acknowledge the validity of the professionals?

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