Sperm donor trying for full EMERGENCY custody of my 2 month old

Lindsay - posted on 12/13/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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What rights does the father of my child have?? He is bascially a current drug addict who was physical abusive 2 me while we were 2gether and I was in my 1st trimester! I then left him! He is trying for full custody! I'm a wonderful mom! Plus we live in 2 different states and my baby is a resident of the state I live in now! He is NOT on the birth certificate! What rights does he have, if any?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/11/2015

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1: A SPERM DONOR IS A PERSON WHO GENEROUSLY DONATES SPERM TO BE ANONYMOUSLY USED FOR CONCEPTION. You quite obviously had sex with a human being, so that, my dear is NOT a sperm donor. I get so tired of women who think this is an appropriate term.

2: He's got the exact same rights as you. His DNA is 1/2 this child's biological makeup, same as you.

3: All it takes is a simple paternity test, and he's got grounds to take you to court

Ev - posted on 12/13/2013

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And I also have to agree with the other three on this. And their advice is true and correct.

I dislike people using the term "sperm donor" in reference to the bio father of a child. I understand you do not like him anymore but with this attitude, when your child grows up some more, are you going to talk like this in front of your child? Because honestly, bad mouthing the other parent no matter their status in life at the moment is going to push your child away from you more quickly than you think.

I think the best course of action is to get the lawyer and try to establish custody in your state before the father does it in his. Get proof of his abusive nature through police reports, arrest records, and some sort of documentation of his drug abuse. You can not expect to walk into court and have the judge hand it all to you. He or she could hand it all to dad. I would also change the attitude about how you address this man who is the father of your child because a judge won't like hearing he is just a sperm donor.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/13/2013

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Definition: Sperm Donor: a man who provides (donates) his sperm for the purpose of insemination by a woman who is NOT HIS SEXUAL PARTNER.

But, you indicate that you were in a relationship with this person, so by definition he is not a sperm donor, sweetie. He's a father and he's got rights. You made a choice to have sexual intercourse with him, and the pregnancy was the result.

I fully agree with Jodi & Kelly. Get an attorney, get some proof of the alleged abuse, and follow through using the proper channels.

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Jodi is right. This guy is not a sperm donor, he is a biological father, and that term makes a HUGE difference in the kind of rights that he has.

If he were a sperm donor, you would have gone to a sperm bank and purchased his sperm for insemination. There would have been a contract, and he would have signed away all of his paternal rights.

However, it appears from your post that you chose this guy to be the biological father of your child. Unless you have a court order stipulating custody arrangements, he has all of the same rights you have at this point, and unless you can get him to completely sign away his rights (he has to agree to this, the court will not order it), he will always have some rights to the child.
Your best course of action is to hire an attorney and take him to court to establish who will have custody and what his visitation rights will be. If you think he is a danger to your child and you want supervised visitation or limited visitation, you need physical evidence to prove that it is in the best interest of the child. In other words, you can't just say "He's basically a drug addict and was physically abusive" and expect the judge to believe you. You need to submit the police reports you filed when he was physically abusive, any hospital records that show the abuse, his arrest history in connection with drugs or associated crime. If you don't have physical evidence, you just have to live with whatever the judge decides.

Jodi - posted on 12/13/2013

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Wow, why would you choose a sperm donor with that history? Apparently, when you go to the donor bank, you get better choice with that.

Oops, my bad, you are referring to the person that you made a choice to sleep with, and whatever the circumstances, chose to have a baby with at some point. That's not a sperm donor, that is called a biological father who you don't like.

What rights does he have? He has rights. Birth certificate or not, resident of your state or not, he has rights. Full custody? Who knows how that will work. He might get it, depending on his argument. Being the mother does not give you automatic rights. With your attitude it sounds like you want to prevent a relationship. Unless you can prove this is NOT in the best interests of your child, then you need to just let go.

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