Spiteful Ex refusing to co-parent without fighting.

Andrea - posted on 02/04/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I live in Colorado. My daughter is 3. I split from her father when she was 6 months old. He lives over an hour away, I moved home. We have since then gone through the court process. Child support was court ordered just over a year ago - hasn't been in place for a full year yet, and parenting time is set. He gets her for pretty much every weekend, while I have her weekdays. I do get every 2nd weekend and the 5th (if there is one).

My dilemma. He had his new gf move in last summer after only knowing her a few months. She was pregnant about a month or two after. She seems great - this really isn't an issue with her. However, due to the new baby, my ex is demanding a lowered child support. There are other factors which we are asking for clarification from the Judge to help resolve this issue. The problem is, now that I didn't just roll over and agree to his lowered child support demand and that we are going to court to see the Judge, he is refusing to be flexible and switch weekends so that I can take our daughter on a family trip for a wedding that is out of state. I honestly don't know when I'll have the opportunity to take her to Chicago again as this is not a regular destination for me.

His reasoning for not allowing the switch - "you aren't working with me."

He's talking about the child support issue.

I know it's his weekend, but I offered up the 5th weekend (which is mine and directly following the weekend in question). I'm not trying to steal or deny him any visitation time. I'm positive that he is just doing this to be spiteful.

His life motto: Don't get mad, get even.

Thoughts?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/04/2014

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Since there's a kid involved, someone needs to act like an adult. If it's you, then it's you. Seriously, he could have been much MORE of an asshole than to just say "no, because you won't work with me"...

But, rather than turning it into a big, blown out argument, and STILL getting no where (because in most cases, a judge would determine that visitation is set, and since he doesn't want to bend that weekend, he won't have to) it is better to step back and say "oh well, I tried.". And, if you feel that your child will be emotionally or otherwise stunted by not being allowed to travel to Chicago, you start saving your pennies to take her there at a later date.

And, I do have to point out that, your daughter is 3 years old. She won't even remember traveling to Chicago at this age. So, he's really not 'depriving' her of anything except (IMO) travel stress...

Andrea - posted on 02/04/2014

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It is him trying to get even because of his initial response, "you aren't working with me".

I get that he doesn't have to. But that means down the road, I won't either. I have for him in the past, for almost identical reasons with the understanding that we were getting along. Now that he's throwing a tantrum about $$, he is going to deprive his daughter of an opportunity because of completely unrelated issues between him and I.

Seriously. If it were legitimately because he has plans, which I am certain he does not based off his already given response, I would be bugged but accept the way it is.

There has to be some way to slap someone for being a disrespectful over-grown child. Honestly, I can accept all logical scenarios but this is coming from someone who told me he was going to be a pain in my ass until she turns 18 just because he's not getting his way.

Thanks for the response.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/04/2014

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He's got every right to not agree to a time switch. After all, he may have had plans for that specific weekend as well.

So, he's within his rights (and his court order) to deny the adjustment, just as you would be if he'd asked to switch the 3rd & 5th weekend with you one month. I don't see that as him trying to 'get even' with you about the support situation.

and, you are within your rights to request that any support adjustments be requested and reviewed through the courts and amended that way.

So, if you're planning on going to Chicago, plan it with out your kid in tow, and have a good time.

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