Split personality when it comes to my daughter in college.

Maree - posted on 04/15/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Any other moms dealing with a freshman in college? I am trying to balance my helicopter mom mode with my time to fly from the nest mode. My daughter is a freshman in college four hours away. I try to talk to her almost every day or two and I miss her and find myself trying to fix what ever drama she has going on. But, then I try and take a step back to let her make her own decisions/mistakes. I go back and forth. She is dealing with roommates issues, lease for a place for next year, majors, classes..You know, normal stuff. I'm half in and half out. Is anyone else having that experience? Is this how it goes freshman year?

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Maree - posted on 04/15/2014

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Thanks for the stern reminder of my new role as the mom of a college student! It's all good advice and all things I know in my head. It's still difficult at times to sit back and watch her struggle with my heart, but your reminder helps keep me strong. It's the right thing to do. Ugh. Thanks again for your valuable input.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/15/2014

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From both the parent of a college student AND the office staff at a University:

PLEASE let your daughter handle her own major difficulties, class registration, class issues in general. We, the staff at the institution, cannot share information with you, we cannot change schedules for you, and we cannot do anything for or about the student's courses, advisors, registration, etc, without the student's express consent.

Most parents have a very difficult time understanding that, and being a parent of a college aged adult, I can understand the desire to still be 'in the loop' regarding things of that nature, but the legality is this: We don't care if you pay the bills, legally, we cannot interact with you beyond the most basic of questions. We cannot give you info, we cannot disclose grades or any information about your student, even to you. FERPA laws prevent that.

However, you can still be her shoulder for the roommate issues, leases, etc. Just let HER solve the problems. Heck, I'm 44 years old, and I still call my mom for advice, and my MIL too. That will never change, and I'd bet that your daughter will be the same.

Now, though, you need to go ahead and let her fly. Because, in the long run, your parenting will prove out, and she'll be fine.

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