spoilt rotten!!!!

Joanne - posted on 05/03/2011 ( 23 moms have responded )

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my daughter is 8 months now and spoilt rotten she constantly wants attention i cant move i have 3 other kids and im a single parent so im finding it really hard to clean and cook for the other kids coming in from school as my daughter just cries if i put her down i have spent a fortune on swings bouncies walkers and she hates them all it s coming to the point where i have to hoover with her on my hip which doesnt help my back problems plz help :(

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[deleted account]

She sounds like a normal baby to me. Have you considered wearing her in a carrier or wrap. That way she's close to you and happy and you have both hands free to get things done.

[deleted account]

Now what I am about to say here is my OPINION...but I do have several instances that back it up.
I really lean on my best friend for guidance. Her daughter is 25 years old now...and she was a foster parent for the state of South Carolina. They used to call her in the middle of the night to go get children under emergency circumstances. This woman is "Aunt Sandy" to about 1/3 of Orangeburg SC under the age of 25.
Like the others before me, she says babies can't be spoiled. It's a STAGE...just like teething, tantrums and rebellion.
I hugged my little boy every time he cried. I didn't LET him cry. And yes, I did hear an awful lot of stuff about 'spoiling him'. I had a nurse in a doctor's office call me a BAD MOM one time because my 3 week old boy stopped crying when I picked him up. REALLY? He stopped CRYING when his MAMA picked him UP? Process that...he was laying on a cold table...latex clad hands poking him...stabbing his foot...so yeah, when his mama picked him up...he DID stop crying.
That little boy is 2 now. He does NOT cry when I leave the room anymore. He tells me "bye" and goes about his play. Sometimes in his play he will walk up to me with something hung over his arm resembling a pocketbook, kiss me and tell me "bye" before trotting off to the laundry room to run some important baby play errand.
A beautiful well dressed woman in the store the other day saw my son standing behind her, waiting in line. She had to stop and do a double take...she asked him, "why are you so quiet?" I giggled and rubbed his hair. "no, really! That is the first child I have seen in a LONG time that I didn't HEAR first!" He looked up at her with his bambi eyes...all I could do is fight back tears of PRIDE!
I picked my kid up every time he cried...and he's not spoiled today. He's a good boy. He laughs, he smiles, he says big words, he eats all his vegetables, he stands quietly while Mama pays the power bill. He is daytime potty trained at 2....and picks up his own toys at bedtime. (with a little reminder)
Those are NOT characteristics of a spoiled child. Your child isn't spoiled either. You are building self confidence in your child by responding to what they need. As the child grows, he is going to automatically know...Mama came running before, Mama will come running this time if I need her. I have the confidence to TRY...because my Mama has my back.
Now let's step back to Aunt Sandy. Her daughter is 25...pharmacist. She got her degree on her OWN...by working at Belk's and then understudy in different pharmacies. She owns her home, she owns her truck. She has two GORGEOUS little boys. She has never been involved with drugs (in a bad way, she IS a pharmacist)
And one of the most valuable things ever said to me, she said. "I can screw up by myself. I don't need HIS help."
This statement, again, showed me how self confident that little girl has become. She chose to raise those two boys alone...purchase her home...alone...and make it without that JERK that was doing nothing but bringing her down. BECAUSE....someone hugged her a LONG time ago each and every time she cried...and convinced her she CAN do things on her own...because her mama's got her back. (have I said that before?)
I don't think you CAN spoil a child by hugging them. I think spoiling a child comes MUCH later...when they are old enough to DEMAND things and GET what they want...just to shut them up. your baby is not spoiled...nowhere near it. She isn't old enough to be spoiled. She doesn't have the education to be spoiled. She's not screaming at the top of her lungs until you buy her the car she WANTED instead of the one you could AFFORD....she wants her mama's love. Do you still crave your mother's love? That's not expensive...and it is a gift that will always be around.
I say hug her till you turn blue...it's not going to do anything but HELP!

[deleted account]

My son went thru; this phase too...I thought it was going to put me in the nuthouse until I found a carrier really cheap at a yardsale. I bought the thing, only because so many other moms here on COM ranted and raved about how awesome they are.
THEY WARNT LYIN!
I got the boy in the carrier, snapped it on me...and he HUSHED. I had BOTH hands free, I could cook, I could clean and about 80% of the time he spent with his head rested on my boobie sleeping.
there were even nights he would NOT sleep that I've had to put him in the carrier and sleep upright in the recliner.
That carrier saved my sanity. Sidenote...the carrier was a little uncomfortable..stiff and hard, until I had washed it a few times. The more faded it got, the softer it got and the MORE I loved it. It gets WAY more comfortable after you've washed all that sizing out of it.

[deleted account]

I used to just put them on the floor next to me. When you're cooking or doing dishes put her on the rug in the kitchen and give her a few things to play with, not toys, babies seem to like playing with things that aren't toys. My kids loved playing with wooden spoons, and measuring cups. They are usually ok to play if they are right next to you. Let her sit on the floor next to you while you fold the laundry or read a book to the other kids. When my kids were babies I hardly ever sat in a chair, I was always on the floor with them. She may cry and fuss a bit but if you are close by she should be fine. Babies like to be right in the middle of the action and right by their mom. Good luck, she'll get used to it.

[deleted account]

Well said, Ink!!!! If you could spoil babies, I'd have 2 of them. My 2 yr old still gets carried in a carrier occasionally.

I hardly ever put my firstborn down it seemed. I always wore him, held him, cuddled him and never, EVER let him cry. He's now 4 and is self confident, a social butterfly at kindy, well mannered, empathetic and loves helping.

I get compliments about both my boys' manners and demeanor, which makes me one proud mummy. So I would say responding to their cries when they are little will give them the confidence to explore the world later because they know that mum will always be there for them.

I used a Baby Bjorne with my first and an Ergo the second time around. The ergo was better because there are three different positions (including a back position for toddlers) to carry and it's not hard to put on. I also had a Moby wrap and hated it because it's like 10 feet of material to wrap around and it's cumbersome when you're outside of the home. Just remember that it's just a stage and it does end.

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Kim - posted on 05/05/2011

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Lovely post Ink, and so true. My boy is now 4 (he was like yours at 2) and is still the same. Picks up after himself, very confident, loves spending time with other people, does not get sad or cry when he is left at kinder. I think Loving/hugging/holding a crying baby doesnt make a "spoilt"child, it akes them realise no matter how far away she is mum is always there for me!

Stifler's - posted on 05/05/2011

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I agree with Ink, and everyone else. They can't be spoiled. Babies and toddlers... loooove attention. Some are clingier than others and I don't believe it has anything to do with them needing to cry it out and become independent.

Kim - posted on 05/05/2011

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You can never hug/love a baby to much, really get her a sling, wrap or carrier. My son still fits ours and he is 3. but bubs uses it more often she 11 months. carriers are a life saver for sure. Listening to your baby cry isnt fun and will probably make your more stressed. you sound like your not ok with letting her cry and i dont blame you. I don not allow my children to cry i tend to their needs. None are clingy children now 4, 3 and 11 months. Its just a stage she will grow out of it and keeping her close wont make that harder for her to do no matter what people tell you

Joanne - posted on 05/05/2011

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well every time i ask someone like a health visitor or friend they say i have spoilt her by holding her all the time my other babies were fed changed and lay down where as abbie was in special care and was handled the bare minimum for 29 days so when she came homw i felt like for those 29 days she had missed out on all the cuddles and love and bonding so i just say for hours kissing and cuddling her and because of this people i have asked have said i spoil her rotten

Bonnie - posted on 05/04/2011

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A lot of babies around this age go through separation anxiety. It is normal. It is a stage though and it will get better. If anything, if she is in the same room as you while you are doing things, it may help. They want to be able to see you.

Kate CP - posted on 05/04/2011

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Wow. She's a BABY. She needs her mom to help her feel safe and secure and you think that means she's spoiled??

Look, I get that your back hurts and it's a pain in the neck (literally) to lug an 8 month old baby on your hip all day. If I were you I would find a way to encourage her sense of security by having you within eyesight and reach whenever she starts getting fussy. If she can hear your voice, see you, and feel your hand on her she may feel secure enough to know that you're there and may not need to be held all the time. Maybe try getting a small stroller that you can buckle her into while you need to get stuff done so you can sit her close to you and have her face you. Talk to her a lot, make eye contact, touch her...let her know her mom hasn't vanished whenever she isn't being held.

[deleted account]

I would say clingy, not spoilt - I think that's a horrible label.It's a perfectly normal phase at her age. Drives you crazy, doesn't it?
I think you'll just have to bite the bullet and put her down somewhere where she can see you. She'll cry, but I'm afraid you'll have to put up with it!
Sorry, that didn't sound at all supportive, but I can assure you I've been in that situation and I know how hard it is!

User - posted on 05/04/2011

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my daughter is the same way. but that is how kids are so we can't really say anything.i have another daughter and she is was spoiled and she grew up and not so attached no more..:) so good luck and just try

[deleted account]

Does she fit? My boy was in the carrier at 3 months...up until maybe 18 months. There are alternate carriers, if your little one gets too big for the carriers. You can use a moby wrap...it's a long strip of cloth that you basically just 'tie' the kid to your belly....the size limit is going to be determined by your back. ;-)

Elizabeth - posted on 05/04/2011

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let her cry..seems like the most logical conclusion..sometimes we can't see the best solution when we are too close to the situation. She has to learn how to entertain herself..how is she going to do that if you constantly provide the entertainment?

Joanne - posted on 05/04/2011

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i feel as if im stopping the other kids from playing or going out if i ask them all the time my daughter is 13 but i think she gets sick of me shouting of her to sit with the baby my baby was prem and spent a month in scbu in a incubator so when she came home i sat cuddling her for hours so i can see why she is likee she is

Jennifer - posted on 05/03/2011

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I know the feeling, except I don't say spoiled, I like to say well loved! My daughter is 7 months and I also have 3 other children. My husband works incredibly long hours, so usually it's just me home with all 4 of them. I usualy just put her in her exer-saucer or her swing, then ask one of my older ones to talk to her. Normally she likes that, but sometimes it just isn't enough. Those times, I just let her fuss. I can't do the slings or back pack type things, because of my severe back issues, so I do what I have to do.

[deleted account]

She's not spoiled. She's normal. I get not being able to hold her constantly. Can your other kids entertain her when you HAVE to get stuff done? I'm a single mom of 3 also and was lucky that my twin girls were 6 when their brother was born... BIG help. Good luck!

Blackwood - posted on 05/03/2011

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I don't know if I would call her spoiled rotten, rather then a clingy stage she is going through. Most moms I know, myself including when through this stage, it's a hard one, but it's just a stage for most and many grow out of it.

Amy - posted on 05/03/2011

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Just gonna have to put her down. All there is to it. When it's time to cook, us a pack and play or toys or...does she have some teeth for those puff things or cheerios? she'll cry for a bit probably, but you have to get things done. If I picked my kids up every second they cried we'd never have food, no laundry done, nothing cleaned, no dishes done....Just have to put her down. Start with shorter periods and then go a bit longer, then a bit longer. If you have other kids, especially if older, they can help occupy while you do what you have to.

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