Stay at Home Mom - Child Support

Nicole - posted on 07/27/2013 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My 16 year old son is considering moving in with his father, simply because his father's township offers a sport my township does not. However, he does play this sport as a "travel sport" as well from August - April, just not through High School. I've been a stay at home mom for 7 years now since I had my youngest who is now 6. I returned to college for the last 2 1/2 years, and plan to continue this fall semester as well, taking 3 classes per semester. If my child moves for this reason, am I to pay child support?. I am re-married and also have another child who attends college, so money is tight. I live in NJ, does anybody know the guidelines? If I have to pay, how much would I be expected to pay?

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TJ - posted on 04/08/2015

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I'm curious as to what the result was? As a fellow NJ resident, I imagine the percentages of obligation were amended if your son did end up moving to live with his biological father, and those are dependent on how many overnights he spent there. Is he the only child from that marriage?
I was just taken to Court by my daughter's father, who was awarded make-up visitation time because he chose to take a voluntary class on the only weekday night he has parenting time (for years), even though the same class was offered at other schools on other nights. It was just more convenient for him. He asked to switch the night 3 days after she started full-time school for the first time and 7 days before the class itself began. I was not able to switch because we were still waiting to find out her practice schedule, for a sport he'd paid for half of and had known about since the winter before.
Yet the Judge sided with his claim to a right to further his education for better employment, though I had to drop a class on the same night because he took that class. Then insisted it was also because it's what he really wants to pursue, but then had his attorney request a separate parenting time change for a class from Feb thru June on Saturdays, which had nothing to do with the fall class.
It's difficult. All around. Mostly because a basic stranger is determining your fate though doesn't know you. (Btw, he admitted to leaving her alone in the car in Court motion, and had another DCPP investigation that, though not substantiated, was not unfounded/dismissed.)
The resulting order: he got more hours every other weekend (though not Fri overnight), and his support was lowered though he has 26 overnights (and actually was only 23) out of 365 days of the year. Yup.
Further, I was counseled by my attorney not to bring up my prioritizing raising my child over career, because many judges have children and worked. So while women have increased choice in the workplace--without equal pay--the choice to stay home is penalized in Court, even though salary.com assesses an average of $121K salary to the work of a stay-at-home parent in my area. Unbelievably, there is no legal precedent for that "contribution" to be recognized by the Court. Instead, income is imputed. The question becomes, "What would all of those services cost if not done by the at-home parent?" However, it is never asked or answered when computing child support in New Jersey.

Joan - posted on 02/17/2015

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If he has been paying child support for you to get to spend time with your son, the decent and respectable thing to do is to do the same.

Nicole - posted on 07/28/2013

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I need to find out if in fact I can get a custody order or agreement from the courts that states the child will go to school in the district of the parent he does not live with, will the schools have to abide by that order. I doubt his father will comply on his own, he has never been willing to compromise and for that matter hasn't even followed the court orders we have in place. So who knows. I'm so frustrated. My relationship with my son is being so negatively impacted because of the hate his father has toward me, and believe it or not we've been divorced since 2001! UGH....All I can do is put my trust in the Lord.

Jodi - posted on 07/27/2013

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I must admit, now that you have given more detail, it doesn't make sense to me. Couldn't your son commute there?

Nicole - posted on 07/27/2013

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I'm not unwilling to pay, it's just that I'm a student and a stay at home mom. My son and I have had a great relationship for 16 years, his father lived away and had little influence or time with him (cross country away). He just moved back 10/2011 and as of 2 months ago convinced my son it would be better for him to live with him (25 min) away so he can attend HS and play hockey. Our relationship has taken a horrible turn for the worst. Additionally, his father still commutes cross country and only comes home on weekends, therefore, my son will be raised by his step mother. All this change for 2 months of hockey doesn't make sense. Now I'm forced to go back to work and put my college education back on hold just to pay child support.

Jodi - posted on 07/27/2013

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Here you go...Google is your friend :)

http://www.njchildsupport.org/

If I could also add, please do not base your decision on whether your son moves in with dad on whether you have to pay or not. That isn't fair on your son.

Jodi - posted on 07/27/2013

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I guess it depends on the laws in your state. Where I live, because you don't have an income, you'd only be required to pay about $30 a month (yep, pathetic, but that's all I get because my ex has little to no income). But in other places, I know your household income might be considered (they only count the bio parent's income here).

Amy - posted on 07/27/2013

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I would say if your ex payed child support while your son was living with you then you should expect to have to pay it in return. Even if your ex didn't pay support, you should still have to pay it after all you are partly responsible for his expenses.

As far as what you'll have to pay that depends on the state in which you live. My ex is unemployed and they based support on my income and his, I'm responsible for 85% of all medical expenses based on our states child support guidelines he only has to cover 15%. His child support is based off a full time min. wage job so he's ordered to pay $97 a week for the two kids, it collects in arrears until he gets a job. I don't know if they'll take your current husbands income into account, or if they will have it collect until you return to work and they just start taking it from you.

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