stay at home mom of 3 boys, agaes.. 3,4,and 5, my 5 year old starts kindergarden this year.

Jenn - posted on 08/15/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )

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Hi my name is Jenn, I am a mother of 3 beautiful boys, my oldest is 5 years old, born oct. 4th 2007, my second son is 4 years old, born oct. 8th 2007, and my youngest is 3 years old, born dec. 31st 2008 "my new years baby ' ! Just want to say that I am new to this, I am just now reaching out to other moms because I feel so alone in my situation. I met my husband when I was 16 years and he was 21 years old with a 1 year old son. my husband was my first, if you know what I mean... I fell completely head over heels for him and his son. was with him for a year, he was my bestfriend and a wonderful father, so I new I wanted to some day have children with him, well anyways, we were only together for a year at this point, one day he just stopped talking to me , I would call his phone, he wouldn't answer, I went to his parents where he lived, no one would answer, haven't heard from him for along time. I told him personal things about what my step dad was doing to me , and personal things I have gone through growing up, I shared my entire life stories with him and it killed me that I couldn't find him and ask him why he just up and left me in the situation was in , well, then after he left my stepdad did something terriable to me, the cops where called he was arrested, then my mom called cys and had me taken away. as of right now she is still with the guy and married to him, anyways, when I got out of a girls home called glade run in pittspurg, at 17 years old I was placed with my dad who is an alcoholic , and then met a guy named kevin, I was with him for 3 years and he did nothing but beat me, so after 3 years I up and left him, then when I turned 21 I went out to a bar dancing and guess who I ran into, 'KEITH", I new how angry I was at him , because he new how much inlove I was with him at 16. I swore I hated his guts , but , no, I never lost them feelings, so we had a drink and talked. then for months we just talked everyday till the sun came up, mostly about the past but also that I wanted kids but didn't want to be with anyone cause I have been hurt by men starting at a young age. him being my first and all and my bestfriend at this point again, we sat down cause I wanted to have a serious talk with him about him giving my a baby and raising it as friends. he said yes, then that night , he calls me and tells me he wants a family with me. so this is how it all got started, I got pregnant with my first and while I was pregnant him and I got married on 7-7-07. then had aiden on oct 4th 07, then had a surprise pregnancy with my second , the my husband started to change, he started lieing, talking to his exbabys mom behind my back, he would fight me so bad so that I would leave him at periods , so I would then couple days later he would beg to come back, we lost our homes, he never wanted to hold a job, or pay bills, it has been a real mess and now 6 years into our marriage ive been seeing a side to him I have never seen before. we live with my alcoholic father with our three boys, he has a job again now but seems to put us second, doesn't help when he gets home, doesn't play with the boys , tells me to divorce him. puts his hands on my oldest but not our 4 year old or 3 year old. I have NOONE, and I mean NOONE, my kids are driving me crazy, my life is driving me crazy, this isn't even the half of what I have been through my entire life, I am everyday being tourmented , mentually, physically and sexually abused. I am and always had to to do whatever to make everyone else happy and I still am. at one point I was drowning myself in pain pills, got help with that and still going to therapy , I am seriously suffocating, I cant even talk to my husband cause he isn't there mentually but physically I see him but its not him. he was such a great father, husband , and bestfriend and now he s my worst nightmare. i have no one like i said, and i don't have no where to go but don't want to stay here alone cause of my father and my husband knows that. so i recently even though as mothers know we don't have many hours of a aday to do the adult things we need to do now, i found time, and made phone calls, i wil be getting my ssi check very soon, and a really desent settlement, and made plans that when i get that im taking me and my 3 boys and just up and leaving , so i can be a happy mother and enjoy being one. i jst want to be happy and safe again. my kids is all i have and we have been through enough. i feel really good bout the plans i am making , its what i got to look forward too. i read other mothers problems on here and i completely understand how everyone feels about being a stay home mom, but i am like damn, i don't know how i am this stronge because i have all this added on top of being a stay home mom of three boys. i need mommy friends and people who are willing to be a positive rolmodel that i can truly trust. please i am at rock bottom. like i said this isn't the half of the horrific shit i have been through, but im not ready to write my book of my lifetime story yet but someday i will. reaching out to positive people only!!!! lets put it this way not one family member protected me , but only hurt me , and not one friend either. that's why i trust no one. i know wants my money comes and i can get away, im going to have a beautiful life with my 3 boys. i relate to the movies (sleeping with the enemy , and safe house). thanks for listening to some of my story, and your feedback with be so much appreciated , thanks.

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