step child

Samantha Louise - posted on 03/03/2015 ( 48 moms have responded )

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Is it fair to want to do things as a family without my stepson who doesnt live with us ? Such as breaks away or holidays? I also have a son from a previous relationship but he lives with us and we also have a daughter together. his son gets plenty of trips out and holidays with his mum and if we take his child aswell, my children get alot less as its so expensive taking 3 away ! My kids share enough as it is and his child is an only child with his mum and gets spoilt rotten on both sides at the moment ? Just wanted some outside views

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Raye - posted on 03/06/2015

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Samantha,
It seems you've touched a nerve with a bunch of us here. Had you worded your post differently and come from an angle of love, then we may have had different advice for you. But you showed your true colors (which is a blessing and a curse of anonymity on these forums) and you seem to resent this child's involvement in your life (whether you tolerate him and "get along" is not the point).

Yes, your husband has responsibilities to you and your daughter together. He has also accepted the role of father to your child from a previous relationship. You asked what is fair, and that would be for you to also accept that his child from a previous relationship is still part of the family and try to love and respect that child. They did not ask for the life that their parents have created for them, so it's up to the adults in the family to make sure that ALL the kids are provided for and are treated well and loved.

Now, I know a basketball game is not the same as a family vacation, but my husband paid for his ex, her fiancé and her fiancé's two kids to join us at the game because that's the only way our kid's mother could attend, and we wanted her to be there for her son and daughter, to share that experience. Was I happy about it? No. But we make sacrifices for our kids, even those that aren't ours by blood. It's up to the adults to suck it up, do what's right, and find some joy even in the unpleasant situations.

Jodi - posted on 03/04/2015

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" he doesnt live with us and we only have him weekends so hes not ever going to be a full member of the family and thts fact wether anyone likes it or not ...unless we had him full time then he gets full family rights"

Are you kidding me? Stepchildren who don't live with you full time are absolutely full members of the family and deserve to be treated as such. That child did NOT choose for his father to leave his mother. This is a child who was caught in the middle of that. He has a right to expect that his father will treat him equally with any future children, including YOUR child from a previous relationship.

I have a blended family. When my husband and I married, he had two children from previous relationships and I had one. We now also have a daughter of our own together. NEVER would I say that my stepchildren (who don't live with us) are not an equal part of the family.

Yes, blended families are hard work. If you keep up your attitude, yours won't last. I'm just saying. My husband and I have made this work for 12 years because we work hard on including ALL the children equally (although the oldest is now an adult, so that changes things a little sometimes).

There is a quote by Richard Bach "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life".

I live by that quote. In fact, that quote was one we chose to use when we buried my husband's father yesterday. Why? Because he had so many "chosen" grandchildren who he loved just as dearly and treated just as equally as he did his biological grandchildren. This included my son from my previous relationship, who mourns him EQUALLY with the biological grandchildren. And yes, it even includes the siblings of my step-children who are the result of my husband's ex's new relationships.

You need to find it in your heart to live by those same principles. Because the children don't choose the situation they are in. You are the adult, it is your job to ensure that those children don't suffer from inequality because of the choices the adults in their lives have made.

Raye - posted on 03/06/2015

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Samantha,
I'm sorry that you feel our comments are not helpful, but to see where we're coming from, you should take a good long look at the negativity of your words:
You first describe your step-son as "spoiled rotten" and later describe children that have split homes as "brats".
Also, your statement "he's not ever going to be a full member of the family and that's fact whether anyone likes it or not".
You talk about your husband saying: "I do believe my children shouldn't go without just because he had a child previously. He left that family to make a new one so he's got to put us first now" and also your demand "so its either be a family with me my son and our new baby and his son becomes an extension to that".
More jabs against the husband with "I would definitely not want someone already with a child if I had to do it all again".

It certainly appears to us that you have a lot of built up resentment and hostility.

Maybe this is coming from your experience with your ex, given you said "the father of my son left the house and has a new family with someone else." Sounds like you're trying to do to your husband's ex and child what your ex did to you and yours. How fair is that? It's petty and immature and it hurts everyone involved - even you although you don't see it. Maybe you need counseling to help you get over the unresolved issues.

Dove - posted on 03/06/2015

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I don't think you realize the things you just posted are strengthening the reasons why you shouldn't take a trip w/out your stepson.... lol

Your kids are suffering and not happy if they don't take a trip abroad? lol Maybe they are the self-entitled ones... The boys are bonded and basically best friends? Yeah... so let's leave one of them behind since we can't afford a trip for all 3... OR we could take fewer trips or cheaper trips and include all the kids.... ;)

Obviously you don't need a trip to bond... hence the reason forgoing the trip you can't afford is not and should not be a big deal.

You already said you made up your mind, so I'm not sure why you are continuing to post about it. There are some people that agree w/ you... and there are some that never will no matter what excuses you throw at it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/04/2015

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Samantha,

Put that shoe on the other foot. If YOUR VIEW is: " He left tht family to make a new one so hes got to put us first now.", then quit being a hypocrite.

Send YOUR biological child to his father's. After all, you left that family to make a new one with your current spouse, so you have to put THAT first. Not your first born, because that's not the way it works, in your mind. You ended the relationship with your firstborn's other parent, so you left that relationship...so that kid now comes second to your new kid (the one you share with your current spouse), right?

Oh, and BTW, will you be so willing to have your second biological child left behind when your current spouse leaves this relationship? After all, that's how YOU think it should be....I've got it in writing.

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Tvina - posted on 05/31/2016

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Yes, I think it is fair. Christmas of 2014, I spent it with my husband and his two children from a prior relationship. His daughter who was 10 was upset because she wanted to be with her mom and her family. So we drove two hours to pick her up and just took her back home. His son cried because he missed his mother terribly. Christmas of 2015, I made my husband spend Christmas alone with me and our son. No driving around and picking other children up and managing schedules. My husband told me it was the nicest and most relaxing Christmas he had had in a long time. We didn't travel or spend our time trying to figure out pick up and drops off. However, for New Year's I rented a hotel room down by ocean and we celebrated it with his son. His daughter didn't want to come so we did not pick her up. His son cried the whole entire time he was with us because he wanted his mother and wouldn't eat. So I did include his son for New Years even though his son didn't enjoy. His son is 4 and his mother is a stay at home mom, so he has terrible separation anxiety. But it is ok to make time for your own family! In my case my husband and I work a lot and don't always get to take vacations. We went to Florida with his son and it was a lot of work, not a vacation. When we have his daughter it is also a lot of work, so if we go on a vacation with his kids, then it is not a vacation but we have done it in the past for them. Now with our son it is different because I am his mother and we already have a schedule with him, so we do what we have to do. I find it perfectly fine to take vacations with your own family, as long as you also make an attempt to take vacations with the other children too whenever possible, or at least every other year. Also as a step mom, I treat my husband kids fine and spend time with them when they are around. I watch movies, play games, and bake with them. But regardless of what everyone else is writing, it is not the same experience as being with children who you see and live with everyday. Remember every family is different, and their needs are different so you need to do what you have to do for your family and for your happiness. If my husband's kids were suffering or where being neglected by their other families, I would definitely encourage my husband to do something about it and have the kids come live with us. However, taking a vacation with just me, my husband, and our child does not make me a bad person. As a matter of fact, his daughter said to me that she wanted to go to the Bahamas, and I said so did I. She replied, yea but I want to go with my mother and my stepfather. Maybe you should ask my dad to take you and Noel (her little brother). So see, every family is different. Only you know what is best for you guys.

Angela - posted on 05/11/2015

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I get where you're coming from, Samantha [although I'm apparently in danger of being tarred and feathered on this thread for saying so.] My husband has two beautiful children from his first marriage, and I have my own daughter from a previous relationship. They're all around the same age, and they spend every other weekend with us, as well as one whole night each week. They all three have their own rooms, with a play area, swingset, etc. If we can't afford to go to the movies one weekend, I'd never take my daughter and leave them home. We just find something cheap and fun to do at home. If my daughter gets a snack bucket, they all get snack buckets. They have their own chalk, coloring supplies, paint supplies, etc. I've made sure to make all three of their rooms to each of their tastes and specifications [like letting them pick out their own wall colors and bedding to make it feel like theirs,] and we love spending time with them. We're fair, we try our best to have fun even if we're broke that weekend, and they love being at our house. I have never had a disrespect issue from them. [Their mom is another story... but that's another thread. Hah!] Having said all of that, though, we have made the tough decision that we'll probably be going overseas without them a couple of times. I got mixed reviews when I said this, as well, but from my perspective, three kids is much more expensive than just one, and like Jasmine mentioned- we pay a bundle in child support, which puts us at a disadvantage for being able to afford nice places. We do take the kids on other smaller trips, like camping and such. I'd like to plan more smaller fun things like the Grand Canyon or Disneyland to do with all three of them, as kid-friendly family vacations. And when all of the kids are older, (they're elementary-age right now,) we've all talked extensively about all going to Hawaii. We will absolutely be saving up for that trip. However, I can't afford to take them on every single trip we go on, especially when it's something overseas, and as I'm the one paying for our vacations, it feels wrong to make my only daughter sit at home and not get to experience the wonders of the world. I don't think of it like a family vacation if we're not all there.. but it doesn't mean we won't be going. If we fly to Europe or New Zealand over the summer during the month that my husband's kids are with their mom, well... I just don't see a lot wrong with it. As long as we're not leaving them behind all of the time, I don't think it's unreasonable for them to respect and understand that we're a blended family, and as a blended family, the variables are always flexible. We have even taken my husband's kids to a Renaissance festival before, while I left my daughter in the care of my sister because I felt like it wasn't as age-appropriate for her and she'd get bored. Likewise, I've had a friend invite my daughter, husband, and I to watch movies or do the meal-and-tournament jousting shows... just because our other set of kids aren't at our house with us and are unable to participate doesn't mean we decline the offer and sit around and wait on them. Life happens, and I don't want to miss out on spending time with my daughter just because something we wanted to do was inconvenient for our other family members. But I guess that's just how I was raised, too... my sister has been married to her husband since they were 20, with three full-blooded kids and no halves or step-kids.. and they often break up family vacations if someone else is busy or the cash is short. Just last summer, my sister took her youngest and oldest child to Mexico on a cruise. The middle kid was in college. I don't think life always has to be 100% fair for everyone. And I feel like having memories with each kid alone, just time to be with their parent, is never a bad thing. It makes them feel special and loved. I've been on vacations with just my mom and sisters, and I've also been on vacations with just my dad and siblings.. it was never weird for us. And all of my siblings are full siblings, no halves or steps in my immediate family. And on that note, my husband has even flown with his kiddos up to see his mom for a week during spring break. It was something they wanted to do, and my daughter had some things going on and it wasn't cost-effective, so we didn't go with them; it was just my husband and his kids. It won't be a huge deal unless you make it one. And as long as you're doing a variety of trips- some with everyone, some with just the parents- no kids allowed, and some without, then... it's just the way things are done. That's my two-cents.

Jasmine - posted on 03/08/2015

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Samantha, I completely understand and share the same feelings as you. My husband and I have four children together and I have one stepson. He also is the only child with his mother and is extremely spoiled. I don't think it's fair for my family, specially my children, to miss out on vacations, holidays, or anything for that matter just bc we can't afford to take my stepson. We pay a lot in child support which already puts a hardship on our family, but there's nothing we can do about that. (She doesn't even use that money on my stepson, we have plenty of proof that's why I say this) any way her parents take him on plenty of trips and buy him everything he wants. He is also extremely brainwashed. therefore, makes a lot of negative and innapropriate comments when he visits. Not only that, but his mother has falsely accused my children of abusing her son, and even had criminal investigators come to my house looking for my children! I Can handle a crazy ex, but I cannot and will not allow anyone to mess with my children. This happened a few months after we moved closer to her and started reg visitation. My husband and I decided to move our family across the country (where we don't know anyone and have no family, and far away from my family and friends) to be closer to his son. Back then we thought that it would be the best thing for our family. Now I think it's aweful and unfair that I took my children away from my family. Especially from my parents who love and spoiled them like crazy. My parents haven't even met our youngest bc of the distance and the cost of traveling across the country. Anyway, we are moving back in the next yr or so. We have to do what's best for "our family". My husband and I will always be part of my stepsons life, but at the end of the day our children only have my husband and I to look after them and make them happy. I know I must sound like an evil stepmother, but at I am and will always be a mother first and I have to do what's best for my children. And the thought of putting my children thru police investigations, and/or exposing them to inappropriate comments, restricting them from growing up close to family, or depriving them of vacations or holidays, is not something I am willing to do.

Michelle - posted on 03/07/2015

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I'm glad my husband doesn't think like you.
We took a family trip to Canada (we're in Australia) last year with all 3 of my children. Only the youngest is my husband's but he would never dream of leaving the older 2 behind because of the cost. We saved hard for the trip and it cost a lot but was so worth it.
My older 2 have been on trips to New Zealand and South Africa with their Father but we wouldn't leave them just because they have been overseas more than our daughter.
We have already decided the next trip is to Europe and it will be at least 2 years of savings! You don't have to go away all the time, 1 big holiday every few years is better. My oldest is already 13 so when we go on the next one we'll have 2 full price. That doesn't bother us though, spending time as a family and experiencing the world is far more important.
Saving and planning is the key.

Jodi - posted on 03/07/2015

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"And stop saying my stepson is excluded or left out !! That is 100% not the case and never will be "

That's not the way it came across. Samantha, I suggest you have a look at some of the things you have said and you may see that in fact, people are reacting to the statements you have made that have indicated he is not a full member of the family and never will be and some of the other things you said. Maybe if you read back over those things you might have a better idea of where everyone is coming from.

"Hence another reason i am offended you all think i am purposely leaving him out to be spiteful?"

I don't think anyone suggested you were doing it to be deliberately spiteful. They are your words.

I'll be honest, I'm not quite sure what you were after when you posted here. You posted your situation and asked for outside views, which you got. You've received a lot of different opinions. Yet you are getting upset when those outside views are not agreeing with you. Were you merely after people who agreed with you on the choices you were making here?

KeepingupwiththeRobles - posted on 03/07/2015

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I am a Step Mom and I understand wanting to do things seperate every now again but that's not really fair to your step child. If you were a child wouldn't you be hurt to know that your step siblings or siblings were enjoying a fun outing without you? My step children are a huge part of our a family and I would never have it any other way. Anything fun that I did with my children I made sure to include it on a weekend or an overnight stay that was in our visitation schedule. If you want to have one family blended vacation and a nuclear family vacation that may be fine but other than that I would never exclude my step babies from something that was fun. Maybe you should sit down and evaluate why you have these feelings toward the step child and then maybe then you could begin to sort out those feelings and try to want to become the step mom that includes all your children bc after all step children are partially yours as well like it or not :)

Ev - posted on 03/06/2015

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Samantha-

I do speak from experiences. My kids have come to me time and again with what their step moms had done with them and not done with them. Oh, there were family vacations but my kids never felt like they belonged. The step moms were more worried about their own children then all of them. I think at times they would rather not have had them with them.

The fact that you did state that he was not a full member of the family still eats at me. He is a member of that BLENDED FAMILY.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/06/2015

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Ditto Dove's post. Nicely stated, Dove!


OP apparently cannot see the forest for the trees.

Samantha Louise - posted on 03/06/2015

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Thank you dove point taken ...i dont know why im defending myself to strangers :/

Chana - posted on 03/06/2015

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You are the one who said "as a family without my stepson" excluding him so you did that before anyone else. It is expensive to go on vacations especially with children. That is why my family has not gone a real vacation. We simple do day trips, amusement parks and things like that do not require hotels and extensive travel. We also budget for these throughout the year. Maybe you should give that a thought.

Samantha Louise - posted on 03/06/2015

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And stop saying my stepson is excluded or left out !! That is 100% not the case and never will be ...he loves being with us and always says hed rather live with us as his mum just throws money at him whereas we show him love and take the time to do things with him. please focus this about travelling and nothing else ! Also i must mention our boys are besotted with eachother and once together never leave each others side which is beautiful seeing as they are only step brothers but there bond is stronger than blood! Hence another reason i am offended you all think i am purposely leaving him out to be spiteful? i dont think you can see past your own circumstances to make a proper judgement on another

Samantha Louise - posted on 03/06/2015

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No the father of my son left the house and has a new family with someone else ...we still are really good friends though. My son gets included in their family but doesnt go abroad with them...im fine with this and understand ...so i think the same should happen the other side ...and my stepson bonds with us enough here in the uk ....some kids dont even go abroad ever!! Are u saying they then cant bond with their families? Maybe i dont understand as well because i didnt come from a broken home myself but i have taken your comments on board and if we were in a more financially stable we would love to take him away with us ...as up until now we have taken him abroad ... but if we continue that then we dont get a holiday at all yet he still gets his 3 with his mum ....how is that fair for us ? I think some ppl focus more on making the step child not feel left out and end up compromising the other kids happiness ...very sad.

Ev - posted on 03/06/2015

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Raye, You hit the head on the nail with that. I have to agree. But I just can not fathom a person wanting to exclude a child for whatever reasons they may have. The child is a member of this family and should be treated as such. I have said in the past on other posts what you did, the kids did not ask for this and did not make the choice. The parents did that. Also it takes a special person to love a child that is birthed to another. be it a woman or man who has just come into the life of that child. It bothers me that people think this way.

Jodi - posted on 03/05/2015

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Thank you Chana.

And yes, it is so sad for the children that the OP clearly has come here to seek validation rather than advice from those who understand what a blended family needs to be in order to be successful and well adjusted. She said she wanted outside views. But she only wants outside views if they agree with her view.

Chana - posted on 03/05/2015

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Jodi, sorry for the loss of your father-in-law. I love the quote and your post was great. That being said she isn't going to change her mind and that is sad because it is the children that will suffer.

Ev - posted on 03/04/2015

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You other ladies have been making the point I stated a long ways back. He is family. He should be included unless its on a time he is not there with the family. Some had great ideas on how to handle it. I guess this one is not budging.

Dove - posted on 03/04/2015

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The fact that you can afford to go on any vacation whatsoever is proof enough that you guys are not suffering... not even slightly. You know how many families can not afford to take ANY vacations? Lots of them... If you have enough money to take 2 kids on a vacation, but not a third... I sure hope you are vigilant on your birth control because you definitely should not have any more children... cuz then which one would you leave out. @@

You sound like the selfish, spoiled brat in this scenario... not the children.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/04/2015

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Trish, you have the right of it. Every step parent should be trying to create the bond that you and your stepson share!

Trisha - posted on 03/04/2015

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I think mom should go home so the rest of the family can bond.

Edit: Sorry. This just really upsets me. I have a baby on the way, and I can't imagine treating my stepson any different than my own children. This kid, this teenager loves me and his father. He is getting independent, so it isn't so much of a concern. But, when he was younger... I just love this boy so much, and assume that all step-moms should feel the same way as I do. Or at the very least I think they should be attempting to create that sort of bond.

Chana - posted on 03/04/2015

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He is only 7, he is just a little boy. You say he understands and he may be very intelligent and you may think he understands. My concern here is that what he is really understanding is that HIS dad chosen your son and daughter over him. Maybe you and your partner should consider spending quality time with all the children doing something that fits a little better into your budget if you are worried about the expense. You don't need to go bankrupt to have a nice FAMILY vacation. You don't need to run your family around a child you need to include a child

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/04/2015

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Treating ALL children of a blended family equally, is not spoiling a child. It is treating that child the same as the other children in your family are treated. Just as you are not responsible for your ex's handling of your child with him, you are not responsible for your stepson's mother's choices when he's with her.

What is important, and deserves equal treatment is the blended family of your stepson, your husband, yourself, your biological child from the previous relationship, and your current shared child with your husband. THOSE THREE children should be receiving equal treatment regardless of primary residence. Thus, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. You leave one non biological child (your stepson) out, then you leave both (YOUR son from the previous relationship AND the stepson out)

Fair is fair, after all. What his mother provides is none of your business.

Sarah - posted on 03/04/2015

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If you cut back just a bit on the length or level of luxury, then you can all go and cost would not be factor.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/04/2015

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Here's the one that disturbs me, and makes me hope that this child's biological mother is looking out for his well being...because obviously stepmom IS NOT...

"so its either be a family with me my son and our new baby and his son becomes an extention to tht"~~Lady, you slay me. If YOUR SON from a previous relationship is "good enough" to be part of the main family, then HIS SON from a previous relationship is ALSO good enough.

The fact that your husband folded indicates that he's a wanker, you're selfish, and hopefully your stepson is getting the love he deserves elsewhere.

Trisha - posted on 03/04/2015

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You are talking with women from other blended families. Treating one child the same as the other children is ABSOLUTELY not spoiling a child. It is simply not excluding the child.
Bonding with a person does not happen, and then it is over.
Your own children are going to have fabulous memories of this experience, and your step-son won't have a clue.
You, are self absorbed in your little family, and everyone but you will suffer. You are causing yourself to have failed relationships down the line if this is your attitude. When all these kids turn into teenagers, they will resent each other. They will have hurt feelings because they are not treated the same, and you are ultimately setting up them up for failure.
You need to learn a LOT about having a blended family.

Samantha Louise - posted on 03/04/2015

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For goodness sake hes 7 years old hes bonded with his dad already and he gets plenty from both sides but no im not running my family around a child ! Yes decision has been made. hes got 3 holidays this year with his mum were barely making it to go on 1!! No wonder theres so many spoilt brats in the world now ! As theres so many blended families with mixed priorities! I would definately not want someone already with a child if i had to do it all again!! Very stressful ! as its the second family tht suffers for the child who lives away from the dad ! well not at my expense ...one life were given ! Im gunna put my immediate family first! Who live in the family home! Like the law states ...hes not taken into consideration when it comes to having an extra room for him as he has a home with his mother and a bedroom there!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/04/2015

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And we'd have been ecstatic to be able to include my husband's daughter in our family, had her mother not been this way as well...

I wish that adults would understand what they do to the kids when they act so 'maturely'...

Dove - posted on 03/04/2015

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Don't know about that Shawnn... my ex married a woman w/ this mindset... hence one of the reasons he hasn't spoken to 2/3 of his kids in a year... The kids he had first.. don't count anymore. @@

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/04/2015

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Honestly? Were I your stepson, I'd not want to be included, only to be belittled and told that my step sibling and half sibling were more important than I was...

If you are making holiday plans for a FAMILY, and are including YOUR kid from a previous relationship, it is selfish to NOT include your husband's child from a previous relationship.

What YOUR kid gets out of his relationship with his father doesn't have any bearing on what your stepson gets out of his relationship with his mother, and it shouldn't be a comparison between the two.

If you cannot afford to take the FAMILY, yourself, spouse, and ALL 3 CHILDREN, then either none of the children participate, or you cancel the holiday and have one within your means that ALL in the immediate family can participate in.

"I feel that my children should not go without because he had a child previously". Well, then to be fair, you leave your child from your previous relationship home as well. What a selfish individual you are. Treat ALL of the kids the same, which means that if his prior relationship's get is left behind, then your prior relationship's get is left behind as well.

As for your comment about your son's half brother going...Um, if your son's half brother is also a child of yours, then, yes, that child should be included, but if that son's half brother is your ex's child, why would you even bother to be so ridiculous in your comparison?

Seems to me that someone got married thinking that the past on her husband's side would disappear...and that ain't happening.

Trisha - posted on 03/04/2015

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Ledia, It is obvious that she is not willing to budge on this. She has already bullied her partner into agreeing with it, and is being somewhat petty about how people have reacted to her thought process. No point in pushing it further. She appears to be jealous about the benefits that her stepson gets in relation to her own children, and feels that her step-son doesn't deserve the same opportunities to bond with his father as her own biological children.

Ledia - posted on 03/04/2015

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The way I see it, your son from your previous marriage and his son from his previous marriage are equally connected to your new family. Both boys have one biological parent, one step parent, and one half sibling in your new family. So regardless of where they live, they should be treated equally in terms of what is provided to them.

That said, if your step-son will be going on an equally extravagant holiday with his mother, and your husband's step-son will not be going on an extravagant holiday with his father, it might be okay to explain to your step-son that since he is already scheduled to go abroad with his mom, and your son has no opportunity to go abroad, he should sit this trip out. Or, better yet, try to plan your trip at the same time his mother is planning hers--that way, no one feels left out.

If your step-son is not getting an opportunity to go abroad with his mom, you need to include him in your travels.

If you cannot afford to take both boys on an expensive holiday, choose something less expensive. It really isn't that much more expensive to bring one more child if you choose the right places. You didn't mention their ages, but at most family centered resorts or cruise lines, up to 3 children are included in the family price, as opposed to amusement parks where you are paying separate for each child. Also, some airlines offer a discount if you buy more than 4 tickets at once, so while his plane ticket will add to your overall cost, it won't add that much.

Chana - posted on 03/04/2015

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I am glad you worked this our with your partner and you both are happy. I really don't think anyone intended for you to take your son's half brother or cousins but your stepson is part of your family. He may only be with you on the weekends but he is still part of your family. I hope you have a good time.

Samantha Louise - posted on 03/04/2015

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Well in that case my sons half brother should probably come along too! Hell lets bank rupt ourselves and invite all cousins etc too just because they share the same blood line! I must say on netmums iv had a much more realistic response!! i love his son lots but its not viable for him to come along to everything ....my son doesnt go on holiday with his dad and half brother etc so i dont see it a problem and now neither does my partner thank god!! Imagine if he was small minded like some other people ! Id have a much bigger issue !! We have now spoke to his son and he understands ... family holiday booked! Dont feel any guilt !

Chana - posted on 03/04/2015

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What isn't fair is you not wanting to included his son from a previous relationship. He deserves to have a father just as much as your children do. What would you say if he wanted to do things and go places without your son? I do agree it is expensive to go away so you plan and you save if you want to do something and by all means include ALL of the children.

Trisha - posted on 03/04/2015

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This is such a sad post! This holiday is a great opportunity to have your children bond with their brother, and for you and his father to bond!
As far as I can tell, this child isn't even a problem child. Please don't make this child go without an opportunity to bond with his family (cause only you aren't related by blood) because his father moved on a created a family with you.
Doesn't that sound wrong to you? His father moved on, so now he has to suffer.

Ev - posted on 03/04/2015

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I have to again agree with Dove on this. No matter how much time this child spends or does not spend in the home does not make him just a partial family member. I do not know where you get the idea he is not a full family member. HE IS A FULL MEMBER OF THE FAMILY. He just is not there that often. But when he is not there you guys should do whatever you plan on doing not matter if it is a trip or not. IF he can not be there then he is not there to participate. But if you plan a vacation to a neat place, why not include him too? This to me is petty. And you have given birth to a girl who is his sister well half sibling to be technical but sister anyhow.

Dove - posted on 03/04/2015

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*But i do believe my children shouldnt go without just because he had a child previously. He left tht family to make a new one so hes got to put us first now.

You almost had me agreeing w/ you until this line... now there are so many things I WANT to say to you... but they would get me removed from this site if I did....

NO... your child before him and your child w/ him are NOT more important than his previous son. All the children SHOULD be equal. Period. If you can't afford to take this boy on this trip (assuming his mother would even want him to go away w/ someone like you...)... tough luck. Suck it up and get over it.

I have 3 kids... we don't get to go anywhere cuz it's too expensive. If he were your 'real' son... would you include him... or suck it up and go w/out?!

Samantha Louise - posted on 03/04/2015

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Also id like to say i think its fab how you can all take your kids and partners children away all together! We will of course go away all together when and if ever possible just unfortunate that we cant while money is so tight. And i feel the kids who live in the family home come first. Thanks for all your input though.

Samantha Louise - posted on 03/04/2015

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Luckily for me his dad has come to understand it as i was pretty straightforward as he would then have two children to see seperately so its either be a family with me my son and our new baby and his son becomes an extention to tht but thats it as he doesnt live with us and we only have him weekends so hes not ever going to be a full member of the family and thts fact wether anyone likes it or not ...unless we had him full time then he gets full family rights. Same as if my son didnt live with us ...he wouldnt come on every holiday too ...so im not being unfair ...as me and my step son hv a fab relationship ...he calls me mum and we do lots together just one on one aswell but its just a crap situation which he will hv to learn about as he grows up.

Ev - posted on 03/04/2015

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Okay, I have to agree with Jodi. He has first obligations to his child as far as supporting that child and stuff. As for your son who is his step son, he could be acting the same way. Just because the boy is an only on his mom's side, he is not on his dad's side. Your girl is his sister. You need to get over it and either start enjoying this boy and getting to know him or maybe you should have discussed things with dad about what the family would do for holidays and trips.

Samantha Louise - posted on 03/04/2015

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He goes on days out and weekend breaks away with us so obviously hes far from excluded but a holiday abroad just seems out of the question for us if we have to take him too ...so our family suffer and go without yet he will still get a hot holiday with his mum. She has one child to think about ...we have 3! So its not as easy ...if money was no issue this wouldnt arise but lets face it we all feel the pinch now days! Especially while im not at work. Its a hard subject , i know people who agree and people who disagree ...im guessing its one of those things that works for some but not all ? But i do believe my children shouldnt go without just because he had a child previously. He left tht family to make a new one so hes got to put us first now.

Jodi - posted on 03/04/2015

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It is HUGELY unfair to deliberately exclude your stepson because of financial reason just because you think he gets too much. What about his time and experiences with your family? If you can include him, you SHOULD include him. If it is something special, you should make efforts to time it so he CAN be included.

I actually find it disturbing that you are asking this question.

Michelle - posted on 03/04/2015

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I have deleted the post with your email address. It's best not to post any personal details on the internet.
That person is a creep and has been posting that randomly around the page. If people want to get in touch with you privately they can PM you on here.

Michelle,
WtCoM Mod.

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