Step child troubles

Lisa - posted on 04/13/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hello everyone!!!! I guess I need to vent a bit about my almost 17 year old step daughter.. Her father divorced her mom when she was 2 & soon after married me. Things were turbulent between the x & him for years.. This child has been babied on both sides of the family ever since & therefore- used every excuse in the book for her actions on up til now. It's been a long15 years with all the drama, let me tell you!!! We have tried everything to try to teach her right from wrong, but she does not care! She continues to do the same things over & over & it drives us nuts!!! It's to the point that my husband & I are fighting over it. Yesterday, they talked about an issue that happened & low & behold, she twisted words & blamed it all on me! What's so sad is that he thought he had made progress with her & she opened up.. (She's deceitful & secretive) I love my husband very much, but the disrespect from this child is her way of trying to get him on her side. Don't get me wrong, I have tried for YEARS to help her with everything in life & make a great bond.. Her mom is not in the picture & hasn't been for years. We don't know what to do because she doesn't do anything socially, mopes around the house, doesn't date or invite friends over. I needed to vent. Maybe you all can help somehow.

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Ev - posted on 04/13/2015

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You are welcome but if she is doing that there is not much you can do to make her change. She has to want to do that of her own accord. Also, its so late in her growing up to be trying to teach her things that should have been taught so long ago. She has this idea she can do what she wants because no one stood up to her in the family long enough to change that thought process except maybe yourself and then you had no backing from anyone either. Once she is 18 she will be an adult and will be held accountable for her actions and once she gets in trouble then she will see that the world does not go the way she thinks it should.

Ev - posted on 04/13/2015

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{{This child has been babied on both sides of the family ever since & therefore- used every excuse in the book for her actions on up til now.}}

I quoted this line because it says everything you are venting about--the child was babies and allowed to get away with her actions all this time and no one ever stopped the behavior except with you stating you tried to do things to teach her differently. And so, now she is at the door of 17 and she expects things to go her way or else she puts it on other people finding ways to blame others for what she has done. I do not know what you plan to do now to help her understand that the world does not work this way and she will have to learn this the hard way. I think the family needs counseling. I think she does as well. But if her father is not going to do anything to make her responsible for her actions I am not sure anyone can.

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