Step children

Elaine - posted on 12/12/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )




My step daughter is 12 and she is a little you know what! She is sassy and totally disrespectful and her father lets her get away with it and she is teaching our 5 year old daughter bad habits that I am reversing but it's hard. I really wish that her biological mother would have stepped up to the plate and taken her at age 3 instead of leaving me to raise her, uurrrrggg


Sarah - posted on 12/12/2014




Kids are like tuning forks for our emotions. She can pick up on your resentment for having to raise her. That is probably part of what is making her act a bit fierce. I agree with Evelyn, try to see this from her perspective. If you can find a way to soften your heart towards her, then maybe she'll come around a bit?
Does she see her mom? If not, has that always been the case?

Ev - posted on 12/12/2014




1) How long have you been in this child's life?
2) Have you ever gotten on her level and tried to have a relationship with her including being respectful of her trying to include her as part of the family?

From what I read in your post you think your step child is a little witch and you did not have to say that. Was it always like this? You have to understand that the word she knew is not going to be the same ever again with her parents not together. She is having to adjust to things and I do not care if its been a year or ten years, its still a lot for a kid to handle when parents split. So it seems that you do not like this child. Also, have you treated her kindly or with respect either? Respect goes both ways when a new adult comes in the picture to become step parent (step mother or step father). You also sound angry that her mom left the child to her father's custody and should have taken her instead. You knew going into this with this man what was coming and that was a package deal with a child no matter who had custody and visitation set up for them. You need to take a look at how you are doing things with this child and maybe start to change your approaches. Talk to her dad and see if he can do something to get her to change her attitude too, but you also need to change one as well.


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Dove - posted on 12/12/2014




She's 12... 'nuff said. lol

Add to that the fact that her father doesn't correct the behavior and her stepmom doesn't like her... and you are fighting a losing battle. Sit down w/ him and explain that letting her get away w/ being sassy and disrespectful is harmful to HER... because the rest of the world out there is not going to tolerate her like that.

If you can't get him to understand the concern perhaps you can seek some family counseling for help on laying down ground rules and keeping everyone's behavior (even the adults) in check.

I'm not sure how long you have been involved in her life, but if she is 12 and her mom has been MIA since she was 3... yeah, that can help to compound all the normal preteen hormonal insanity.

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