Step Children

Viktoria - posted on 09/04/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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So I have been married to my husband for 6 years. He had two boys from his prior marriage and I had two boys from my prior marriage. The problem is his children disrespect me every chance they get. I was recently out of town and found out that someone (although no one will accept responsibility) had sex in our bed. My husband was with me so I know it wasn't him. They will smart off to the point that we were out to dinner last night with them and I told my husband it was time to go. My husband also has a problem with constantly allowing them to not be responsible for their bills. (He is always going behind my back and paying for them). They are 22 and 20, one graduated college and both have jobs. It would not be a big deal except that the same rules do not apply for my children. I sent my 19 year old $100 to help him pay for a bill he had and my husband was "why did you not discuss it with me first" then turned around 2 days later and paid $350 in dental bills for one of his kids because he does not brush his teeth and had 7 cavities. SERIOUSLY??? I try to talk to my husband about this and he just blows me off. I am about to the point of blowing out of this marriage because I am not his children's whipping post and my husband will be right there and say nothing, but when I stand up for myself he tells me to let it be. I do not know what to do at this point. I will say that the only time we fight about anything in this marriage is when it comes to his children and how they never come around unless they want something from him and then find a way to disrespect me and my home in the process.

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MaryAnn - posted on 09/04/2015

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Some families are just like that with the open door policy. I think nothing of walking into my moms house unannounced at any hour, opening the fridge and making myself a plate of cheese and crackers. And my mom thinks nothing of doing that to my grandma. That may just be a thing you'll need to accept. Many families see that more as an issue of bond than an issue of respect. HOWEVER. Going into your bedroom, and bringing someone else between your sheets is a whole different level. Speaking disrespectfully to you, not only in your home but when you are taking them OUT to dinner... These are adults we are talking about.
Having keys, giving money, gifts, outings... Theae are priveleges.
Your issue is not with the kids. Its with dear old dad.

Raye - posted on 09/04/2015

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Sounds like your husband needs to man up and make his kids show respect. You live in the house, too and should not live with the uncertainty of others popping in any time they feel like it. Maybe you and your husband need counseling for him to see that the kids are walking all over you both. Or, you just have to face facts that the three of them are rude and try to ignore it as best you can.

Viktoria - posted on 09/04/2015

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They do not live here, but he thinks it is okay for them to just show up unannounced, and walk in like they own the place. I am upset because I feel that this is rude and that since they do not live here they should not walk in the door in the middle of the night like they live here. The problem is his children were never taught manners or respect. We will be at the dinner table and they will pass gas from whatever part of their body and never utter an "excuse me" or anything, they just start laughing. I am like really???? And then once I have had enough and start to walk out of the dining room, my husband will finally say "come on bud". I am like are you freaking serious that is all you have to say?

Raye - posted on 09/04/2015

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The kids are grown adults, and need to act that way. If they are still living at home, they need to be under contract for the conditions that must be met for them to continue to live under your roof. Then stick to it. Both parents need to be firm with their kids, and on the same page with each other. Don't keep letting bad behavior slide. It's not doing anyone any favors.

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