step-daughter constantly cries and whines

Samantha - posted on 11/27/2017 ( 14 moms have responded )

6

0

1

My step daughter is 2 years old and whines about everything under the sun. She never just talks, it's always crying or whining. My two children who are 3 years old and 18 months old don't ever whine and verbalize what they want or need. The 2 year old literally whines and cries if you say Hi to her, tell her good job, say it's bed time, eat your food, or ask her what she needs or wants. We have tried everything to break her of it but nothing has helped. We are going crazy and I feel bad because it has gotten to a point where I can't stand being around her and the time she is with us isn't enjoyable. We have talked about taking her to get checked to see if its a medical condition but we are hoping we can figure it out without that option. If anyone has any advice or has experienced anything like this before and has found a way to resolve it I would appreciate it a ton, It has unfortunately put a strain on our relationship and home life.

14 Comments

View replies by

Sarah - posted on 11/30/2017

10,637

0

26

I went thru a year of doing training for schools setting up a program that our district created for kids with sound sensitivity. Traveling for an adult is hard. Imagine you have to move every 3-4 days; even if the place is familiar. At 2, she will have to go thru a re-acclimation phase. I suspect an adjustment in her schedule, even just for a few months, may help a lot. Of course I'd suggest the parent where she is not living to visit and stop in, but maybe let her live in one place for a longer period of time?

Michelle - posted on 11/29/2017

4,682

8

3247

That's a lot of back and forth.
When I first started shared care it was a week at a time. Only spending 2 days at her Mother's house and then back with you is very disturbing.

Samantha - posted on 11/28/2017

6

0

1

Yea we are going to see if it will help. She's with us Friday through Tuesday every week. It's tough but we have to figure something out cause it's effecting everyone and I want us all to enjoy the time she's with us.

Sarah - posted on 11/28/2017

10,637

0

26

While I don't think having an evaluation will hurt. I would be surprised if a behavioral health specialist will be able to diagnose anything at such a young age. You may get some good advice on how to manage and help her. She is only two and maybe considering a change in her visitation is a possibility? 50/50 is a lot of back and forth. maybe if she stayed in one place for a time her behavior may settle? I don't know, I know we went thru times where it felt like all my kids did was whine, and we have an intact family.

Samantha - posted on 11/28/2017

6

0

1

For one I was not comparing the kids at all i was stating similarities and it isn't just at home, it's everywhere about everything. We talked to a behavioral health clinic today and are taking her in. Thanks for the input but shes clearly got a problem that needs to be addressed by a professional.

Ev - posted on 11/28/2017

8,205

7

919

Samantha--the other two are right. With the changes back and forth is stressful on a child. More so than on an adult. Also she is still learning language skills and may not have the words to communicate her emotions and she also does not understand the emotions she may be feeling as well. I know this because I not only worked with kids but I had two that were back and forth with me and dad and it was hard on them because they wanted to be with me all the time.

Sarah - posted on 11/28/2017

10,637

0

26

Especially if she is still learning to talk, she may show her frustration thru tears and whining. maybe encourage her to use some simple signs to communicate her needs. My son had a significant speech delay and would get so upset. By teaching him a few signs; thirsty, hungry, stop , share, more and all done it helped immensely to help us met his needs when he could not tell us what he wanted.

Michelle - posted on 11/28/2017

4,682

8

3247

Can I just say one thing, please stop comparing her to your children. Just because your children are coping with 2 houses better doesn't mean she is.
I have done 50/50 shared care and it does affect the children and even more as they get older. One therapist we saw compared it to moving house each week. No one enjoys doing that. Plus she is only 2, it's hard on them.
I do think it is now a habit that needs to be broken. Maybe look into seeing a child therapist to help her learn how to communicate properly.

Samantha - posted on 11/28/2017

6

0

1

She s been like this for months. Shes not sick or anything. It's ridiculous... today i asked her if she wanted to come downstairs and play with he other kids and she s started crying.... I am looking up doctors and behavioral health clinics right now...

Sarah - posted on 11/28/2017

10,637

0

26

How frustrating, I can see how you'd dread spending time with a child you seems miserable all of the time. Maybe a medical checkup could help? If she is having some sort of discomfort or is not feeling well? Is she on track developmentally in other aspects? How long has she been like this?

Samantha - posted on 11/28/2017

6

0

1

She is with us 50% of the time and my kids go to their dad's as well and never act like this. She doesn't have a sibling at her mom's but she does have a cousin atound the same age just like at our house who lives with them. And we have tried to tell her we can't understand her and to ask like a big girl and everything. The hungry thing or there being a reason for it is my point, it is literally about everything, she's eating shes crying, she's playing shes crying, she's doing ANYTHING shes CRYING.

Sarah - posted on 11/28/2017

10,637

0

26

If she lives with you only part time, some of the whining may be from the stress of changing locations. I am curious about how often she come to see you, does she have any other siblings at home with her mother? She may be overtired, or hungry- but it does sound like it is a habit. You can try telling her that you will help her or get her what she needs if she can ask like a big girl. Praise her efforts if she does manage to go without whining for a bit.

Michelle - posted on 11/28/2017

4,682

8

3247

I would also say that her Mother may let her get away with it.
She's only 2 and if she has been allowed to do it for so long it will be a hard habit to break. What does her Father do about it?

James - posted on 11/27/2017

14

0

2

First I would like to know if she stays with you part time or full time? If she is there part time and spends most of the time with her biological mother it might be that her biological mother talks poorly about you and your husband to her. But if she stays with you full time you may want to take her to a doctor to see if it is medical

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms