Step daughter disowned her father & I now that BioMom is back.

MARIE - posted on 02/01/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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HI everyone,
I'm in a loss of words and complete heart ache. My step daughter has disowned her father and I last night. We went out to dinner and out of no where she gave us attitude. We figured she was upset because she wanted my ssn for financial aid. She is turning 18 in June. I told her I can't let her use mine ask her Dad and MOM. She threw a complete fit and was like whatever. I wasn't sure what had happened. To get everyone to understand... I became apart of my step daughters life 3 weeks before she turned 6. She was a brat spoiled, disrespectful and wild. She told me my mom Hates you and wants to punch you in the face. WE never got along.. we had our battles.. Her mother on the other hand has had 4 kids from 4 different dads. I tried endlessly to try to get her mother to come around it was impossible. So as years past step daughter and I have had fun we were cool I thought. Her father and I married both our first marriage last year. Step daughter was a bridesmaid. We were all ok, we moved into a 1 bedroom home due to finances. I offered to build step daughter a room but it would take time to build. She wanted to stay with her grandma because she didn't want her to be by herself. Grandma on the other hand is very manipulative, selfish and all about me and my way. So Step daughter now is a splitting image. recently BIO mom has came back from a hole and is perfect she went to aa and anger management and she is the best mom now. So now her dad is the piece of poop he's the reason why her mom was never around and he doesn't love her or show her respect or how to a man should treat a woman. it goes on and on. I unfortunately work 7 days a week. My husband 5 days. I will not sugar coat anything.
My husband - step daughters father: was present in his daughters life, cared for her the best he could. (did same as his mother step daughters grandma) He has be present for all school functions and sports. (step mom never was we had to beg her to attend.) He wasn't always there in the respect that he went out a lot with his friends on weekends instead of spending time with her. (I will vouch for this because I was at work while Step daughter was with grandma). Grandma & I have been her stability. Grandma and I don't see eye to eye but we've been there for her. Mom was in and out of her life her men were too important. Dad was too busy with his tv sports & his social life then his daughter. I get this I understand her pain & anger I just don't understand of all I've done why she would not want anything to do with me? This child has been very disrespectful, mean and just a butt her entire life. I've accepted this but I've been there. Her dad is a weird way has been there. Now that we've been living together just him and I for 7 months all hell has broke loose.
My thoughts: she feels abandon by us.. Even though I offered her to live with us. My family can't stand step child because everytime she comes over she give them attitude or is disrespectful and nothing they give her say to her is good enough she always is like that's it? But I try to separate myself from her actions and see that hey she doesn't have anyone to really make her feel 100% loved. I know this is confusing and I can explain more in responding but this all happened yesterday and I'm just so heartbroken. (note: I don't have any kids) I'm trying to reach out to moms and step moms to help me understand where she is coming from. because all I ever hear from her prior to this is she needs money or she wants this or that. She never calls me to say hi I'm always the one communicating to her. But now her biomom is back I'm a pile of poop. DO I just let things go and move on? Do I force her father to see her? Do we need find a place with more room for her to live? or build the extra room now?? Is it all to late to help? I don't care if she hates me the rest of her life but I feel she should have a relationship with her father. I don't know please help. thank you

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MARIE - posted on 02/01/2016

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Raye,

Thank you, I am just so torn by this.. I feel like I've spent ten years with a child that has manipulated, lied and used me. I'm now know as the little perfect wife. I don't know how us woman deal with this. I've reached out to my friends and they all have told me the same as you. Thank you for your kinds words & advice.

Sincerely,

Marie

Raye - posted on 02/01/2016

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She will be 18 in a couple of months, and legally will be an adult. If you want to have a relationship with her, then you are not wrong to expect her to act like an adult. If she can't, then it may be best to let her go her own way. I am a step-mom, too. And try as hard as I might, I can only do my best and hope that some of the good I've tried to do sinks in. She may not realize it now, but as she gets older she may be thankful for how you helped her in her life. But don't expect it any time soon. And don't push when it comes to her and her father. They have to work it out themselves (if both are willing).

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