Step daughter told me....

Holly - posted on 10/25/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My step daughter tell me that her mother doesn't want her to call me mom (this is ok, i completely understand, and actually get kind of weirded out when she DID call me mom) She told her it breaks her heart if she does call me mom. But all in the same breath, she MAKES her call her step father DAD... of course my DH doesn't want to say anything, but i just see her as irrational. I just told my step daughter that what ever makes her comfortable is fine, she can call me anything she wants. She just stuck with calling me my name, which is fine by me. I just can't stand how her mother plays these game with her head.



Also, my kids (who birth father ran out on them and they don't even remember him) call my husband dad (they know he isn't but he makes them feel like his daughters, and so they call him that). well my step daughter told them, in a snotty voice "you know he's not your REAL dad" My baby's face got all red and she started crying histerically and i went to her and hugged her and told my stepdaughter, "go tell your father what you just said!" I know it came from her mom, her mom ALWAYS plays games like this with her mind...







MY question is, what can i do about this?

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Holly - posted on 10/25/2012

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I am afraid that it may come across, or she may interpret it, as us being condescending or talking down to her, whereas if her daughter says something like, "but i feel like they are my sisters" or "but daddy loves them like he loves me" it might be sweet and not threatening

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/25/2012

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Well, you know the situation best. You would definitely be the one to make the decision. Talk with your husband about the best approach, and if he is involved in the discussion with his daughter, that might be great for the girl.

Holly - posted on 10/25/2012

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honestly i almost think that cutting off most communication with her might be better. any communication that does not pertain something vital concerning my step daughter, might be the key. I kind of think that if i talk to my stepdaughter concerning this issue, and get her understand, that next time her mother brings it up, that maybe she would say something to her mom and then her mom would be enlightened by the pure innocence and love from her own daughter. do you think that this would perhaps be a better idea?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/25/2012

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Yup. Some people are like that. Just remind her they are kids. They don't need to be included in discussions about adult decisions. That you are the parents and if she has any issues, should speak directly to you or your husband. Try to keep the lines of communication open with her. Do not be aggressive, or finger pointing. Just plain of fact and as nice as you can muster. It will not be worth a fight cause things will get worse between you and your step daughter.

Holly - posted on 10/25/2012

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i could try that... i just hate her mind games. it's like she can do things that make her happy, but once the shoe is on the other foot, it's no longer ok. it doesn't make sense, but maybe if i say it to her that way, maybe it would work.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/25/2012

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You can also mention that her kids call the stepfather dad, and you would never think of saying anything negative to the kids concerning that beings it can be very painful and you have no intentions of hurting little kids feelings. Hopefully she will get it and stop her nonsense.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/25/2012

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Well, maybe kindly mention that your family dynamics concerning your children are non of her business. That you kids see him as the father even though they know the truth, and that was very hurtful. That you hope she stops talking with your SD about how your family is run.

Holly - posted on 10/25/2012

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we did, and her mom said, "well he isn't", which isn't an admition or a denial... but we aren't going to say, well did you tell her to say that?! then it will be a fight.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/25/2012

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Also, maybe mentioning what she said to your kids to her mother may help.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/25/2012

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Nothing really. It all comes down to what makes the kids comfortable (as far as your SD calling you mom). As far as her saying that to your kids, sit down and talk with the little girl and let her know how hurtful that was. Let her know the rules of your house.

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