Step daughter wants to move in

Kate - posted on 01/27/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am a mom of one, step-mom of two. My husband and his ex have been divorced for 7 years, we get the kids a few dinner visits each week and every other weekend. His daughter (9) has wanted to live us for about 2 years now. His son would rather he never comes to visit. we live literally minutes from his ex but feels like worlds apart. The kids are strongly encouraged not to call, or come over outside their scheduled visits. In the meantime, my step-son and step-daughter fight all the time for their mothers' attention. Step-daughter is almost identical to my husband, step-son, like his mother.



The problem is, my husband wants to avoid court and his ex refuses to talk with us about it or to split up the kids. I love all 3 of my kids. However, I can count on one hand how many times I've interacted with the ex, and I see her almost every day. This is a real problem. Any advice?

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Patty - posted on 01/28/2012

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Have the daughter write a letter to the judge explaining why she would like to joine your household and mail it to the judge who last heard or set up the current arrangement and they will take it from there. If they don't then it is up to your husband to take the first step not yours although you claim to be a mother of three you really are only a mother of one and should not over step your bounds no matter how much you may love the other two they have a mother and you are not the one. This does not mean you should mistreat them or not love them but when it comes to matters that affects how they are to be raised only the actual mother and father should be the ones involved in making the decisions, this in the long run will keep things from getting ugly between you and the ex please trust me.

Dawn - posted on 01/27/2012

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Before you start have the step daughter write a plan of (use these exact words) what are questions, and what is it going to give her. Be focused on clarity and have her be specific. This will give you the ability to understand whats important to her and develop a lasting trust. I suggest you to make a list of these questions also. Your challenge is easy and you will fight from your heart when you are given an understanding. Best of luck on your journey:)

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