STEP DOGHTER

Magen - posted on 02/08/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )

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HI MY NAME IS magen and i have hard time with my step daughter since i got married whit her dad she disrespect to me and his dad ,she never lesson to no matter what i am trying to say at. at first day i am trying to be came friend its dose not work for any reason i surprise her if she did some things in home always give her some gift even du small candy i just want make her happy .she do not want get up her room to come out see whats goin on ?we always call her to have dinner any thing .only way i can see her when her sister comes to visit her she will be different person many time i talk to her dad always he say she is teenager and be payation and she needs kindness and love ect .many time i just want live and say this it i am down .after 3 years i ask her to wash dishes she text me why i hate her so much and why i push her to do things when she dose not want to do in original she dont want want do any thing but when she is going to see her mom what ever she told her she is gonna do it no matter what and one time she already told me what ever i tel her its hard foe her if same thing her mom ask to her she will do it i dont know what to do pleas save my life and give me advice thanks all i want she is became strong person because she dont have any body in here accept her dad which is she is every thing to her and she has sister and mom but they are not success person mom is changing her boyfriend every couple month she is one day is her second day different state she has problem she was telling her she was born accidentally she always up down thanks

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Raye - posted on 02/10/2016

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This situation is less about your step-daughter, and more about you and her father not parenting well. You and your husband need to talk about the rules and consequences for the girl's behavior. You need to come up with a chore list, and have rewards for doing things, and punishments for not doing things. You and your husband BOTH need to enforce these rules. Her father, being the biological parent, needs to be the main one to discipline her when the behaves badly, but if he's not around, you need to have authority to enact consequences and have her mind you.

She's a teenager, and needs, structure, boundaries and discipline. That is a form of love. She also needs affection, forgiveness, and patience from both of you. She does not need you trying to buy her off with candy or gifts. You need to help her become a self-sufficient adult, and that means that everybody has to do things they don't like. She doesn't like washing dishes... too bad. Nobody does. Dishes still need to be washed or you get bugs, rodents, food poisoning, etc. There are real reasons for needing the dishes done, and she needs to understand that so when she's out in the world on her own, she will know what needs to be done, why it needs to be done, and how to do it. Otherwise, she'll live in filth and could get sick and die.

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