[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )
I will try to keep this short. I didn't quite agree with her being called grandma or nana from the beginning. But everyone kept referring to her as such. She was "the other woman" and I felt that it was disrespectful to my MIL. And the relationship between (I'll call her Jane), was never solid. When my husband and I got engaged, she cried. Not because she was happy for us, but looked at my FIL and said, "When will I get my ring? It's not fair." Fast forward when we had our baby. We were in a bind and had to move in with my FIL and Jane. It was difficult the first few weeks as all 4 adults in the house worked full time. They all woke at different times and weren't very quiet. They were constantly waking the baby and in turn, he was quite cranky. If I took a shower and the only person in the house was Jane, she'd do dishes and all the hot water would turn off in my shower. She'd make remarks about how the baby kept her up at night and we were too noisy. As the months went on, she started hiding the vacuum so I couldn't vacuum that carpet my son was crawling on, she'd ignore my son if we were alone. But when my FIL came home she was cooing all over him. Being drunk, she would pry him out of my arms and I'd keep telling her to stop and let go. My FIL would tell me to just let her hold him. That he wouldn't let anything happen. My husband had a go at his dad for that, but nothing seemed to work. My son refers to her as Jane but when we see them, she takes my son away to go play and I overheard her telling him to call her grandma. She has made it clear that she doesn't like me or my husband. And in a year, she has seen our child 3 times. They didn't even come to his birthday. I really don't feel she should hold such a title when nothing she does is even close to worthy of it. How can I tell her that she will only be called Jane because of her actions over the past 3 years? It's gotten so bad, that not even my FIL comes to see his only grandchild. He won't come to see him unless she wants to. And when we go to see them, he gives us a 2 hour time frame otherwise we can forget it. I tried to make amends but all she did was write me a letter telling me of all my faults and to get over it. Any suggestions would help! Thank you!