Step kid

Angela - posted on 05/12/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I don't know if I can handle my husbands son anymore. I'm like a couple of the other ladies. I can't even stand to look at him. To see him walk through my front makes me want to throw up. And, he's so fake. He's a smart mouth to me but then when I say something back to him he tries to cry and tells me I'm mean. BTW, he's a 280lb 12 year old BRAT!!!!! His mom treats him like he's 5 and does absolutely everything for him. He's been suspended from the first school 4 times this year so he got put into another school. And, needless to say, now he comes to my house everyday after school now. So, instead of seeing him 1 day during the week and every other weekend now it's everyday. I don't know what to do. We just got married and bought a house and I don't even want to be there when he's there. I go to counseling and that doesn't even help. I'm so confused. I don't know if I should just give up everything and walk away or stay and try some more!!!!

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Raye - posted on 05/12/2015

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Whenever you marry someone that already has child, you should go into the marriage with the attitude that someday you may have to step up to the plate as a mother figure and the child may live permanently with you and your spouse. If you can't handle that thought, run for the hills before you get married. It seem like you never gave it that much thought.

If you can't find it in your heart to love this kid, then you should go. The child and his father deserve someone that can support them, love them, and help guide the child through the hardships of being a kid. And you deserve to be happy with someone better suited to the lifestyle that you want.

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Raye - posted on 05/12/2015

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I am a step-mom of two. I do not have any biological kids of my own. So hopefully my advice will be helpful to you, if you decide to keep trying.

I don't know how old you are, but to be a successful step-mom you need to be an ADULT. When he smarts off to you and you "say something back" you may not be intentionally trying to be mean, but you may be acting immature. If he's being smart, either walk away or send him to his room until he can be respectful to you. Make sure your husband will back you up. Really, anything the boy says should not anger you, because he's a kid. If he knows he can get to you, he will keep doing it.

It's my opinion that what happens at your house should be handled primarily by the father. I think the step parent actually should have the power to step back a little, especially when it becomes overwhelming. Not your monkey, not your circus. You can make suggestions to the father (do not contradict him in front of the child), and he should consider your input since you are supposed to be partners. But he should be the one to enforce rules and dish out most of the discipline. You should help guide the kid according to his father's rules and how he wants his son to be raised. Have you talked with hubby to get on the same page about the rules and consequences when the boy is there?

What happens at the mother's house is not your circus, either. You can't control anything that happens over there. Your husband should discuss issues with the ex that are bleeding over into your home life, and hope the mom tries to deal with those issues, but no one can force her. You can only control what happens in your house. You have to try to let the other stuff go. It's hard, but it's the only way to stay sane.

Sarah - posted on 05/12/2015

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I am super confused. Can you clarify the living arrangements? He doesn't live with you but now your are parenting everyday? Who is Chuck? Who's father passed away?

Angela - posted on 05/12/2015

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He doesn't live with us he lives with his mom so I have no say so in anything that goes on. I will probably never love this child and have also told his father that. He knows because he had to deal with her first child who isn't as bad as James and he told him and her at 15 that either they both could go he didn't care but he was out of his house! She made him move in with his grandparents. Needless to say his dad had already passed away so she just deserted him and now Chuck thinks I'm supposed to be super step mom when he was horrible to this kid. I deal with him the best I can but to just be thrown into this everyday thing has threw me for a loop.

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