Step kids

Tina - posted on 04/29/2014 ( 25 moms have responded )

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The 13 yr old is a bitch , I don't no what go do r say to make it better here it just gets worse and worse .
And the 11 yr old I swear is dumb and I get mad at her cause she don't use her brain

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Jodi - posted on 04/30/2014

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Gena's right, saying that about any child is pretty low. I teach teenagers, and believe me, some of them are pretty bad, but I would never call them "dumb" or "bitch" behind their backs. I refer to behaviour, but they are just kids. Kids will be kids. Their behaviour may be frustrating, and it may be inappropriate, but that's because they are KIDS. Role model appropriately, have plenty of patience, define and enforce their boundaries, (consistently) and it is far less of a battle and an issue. Sometimes, you just have to learn to be less reactive.

Gena - posted on 04/30/2014

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BTW thats so kindergarden, "they called me that, so i may also call them that",I am way younger then you,but i am grown up enough to know that it doesnt work that way. You should be teaching them respect,and not call a 13 year old a BITCH just because she maybe named you that,and also not call an 11year old DUMB. Do you have other issues in your life that you have to fight with kids and use such insulting words?

Gena - posted on 04/30/2014

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Jeee,calm down,no wonder they call you that if you freak out about everything.But honostly,YOU are suposed to be the Adult,so start acting like one!Telling us to shut up isnt really mature.

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Gena - posted on 04/30/2014

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Shutting this thread due to being told to shut up and also the F word involved.
And Tina,deleting your own posts wont make others think you werent rude.
Gena W
WtCoM Mod

Gena - posted on 04/30/2014

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I was not rude to you.I am sorry that you cant handle them..but honostly,you are a grown up and not in kindergarden.You cant go and say "i call them that because they do".I dont think a woman has to be a mother to know that a behaviour like that isnt nice.

Gena - posted on 04/30/2014

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Obviously your parents never tought you what respect is.Very mature of you! I hope you teach your stepkids better,because you are very rude my dear.

Tina - posted on 04/30/2014

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Look here u don't no what I'm going through so shut the hell up and I call them what they call me !!!

Gena - posted on 04/30/2014

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I just want say that calling children a bitch or dumb is just sooo totaly wrong.I would never ever use the word bitch to any child.If i had a different partner and he would call my child something like that i would kick his ass so hard that my shoe would still stick in his ass. I dont care how dificult a child is,but using those words are just not acceptable.I dont know if the word bitch in your country isnt looked at as a rude word,or used often.I was tought that bitch is a very rude word,i know the original meaning of the word,but when its used towards humans its very insulting.

Jodi - posted on 04/30/2014

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Okay, I am just going to say that you have no right calling a 13 year old a bitch and an 11 year old dumb. Whether to their face (which I am sure you aren't) OR behind their backs. The behaviour is NOT the person. She is not a BITCH, she is acting like one. Your 11 year old is also not dumb. Your 11 year old is being 11, as frustrating as it is. You have not mentioned whether the 11 year old is a girl or boy, but I think you need a bit of a reality check, because this is pretty normal - impulsive, not paying attention when they should, pushing boundaries. What you are calling them behind their backs WILL come across in your attitude towards them. YOU are the adult in these relationships, so you need to rise above their behaviour and manage the calmness with which you deal with it.

Tina - posted on 04/29/2014

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Well there mom is a piece of crap and I try my best to give them what they want and let them do what they want and all I ask is for a little help around the house !!

Tina - posted on 04/29/2014

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They live with me and there dad there mom gets Casey ever once n a while but Lizzy will not go with her mom no way

Ev - posted on 04/29/2014

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Who are they with most of the time--dad or mom?

My kids' first step mom lasted all of 14 months. This one has been in the picture for nearly nine years now but my oldest was only in the house for about 4 of those years. My youngest graduates from high school next spring. She seems to know all there is to know about my kids (she has not known them all their lives). She seems to think she can tell me and the ex when we should do visits and such. She thinks she can tell us what to do on major decisions as well. She had a fit when her two oldest boys were not in the wedding of my daughter and her youngest boy was (step brothers) and the girls (half-siblings) were the flower girls. My son was an usher. I did not make the plans for this nor did their dad. My daughter's inlaws decided to do the wedding. Before this, my daughter's graduation, she was in a tizzy because she was not in the senior spread in the newspaper and at that point she had only been in the family for 3 years.

All I am saying is this woman thinks things have to totally involve her when a lot of the time it does not need her input.

Tina - posted on 04/29/2014

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Idk I guess they hate me , I've never been a mom til now when I walked n there lives and I'm still learning so I'm sorry if I said bad things bout them , so I'm just asking for help that's all

Tina - posted on 04/29/2014

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I've been here for 10-11 yrs the youngest was still n dippers and Casey was 3 so I've been here most there lives

Ev - posted on 04/29/2014

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My kids did not get that from their 2 step mothers they have had. They still have one.

Tina - posted on 04/29/2014

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Thank you anett , sorry if I spelled ur name wrong, u have one higher point in me ur husband helps u out mine don't so there for they run over me and treat me like crap sometimes I wanna leave and run back home but I love my husband and I love them they just keep pushing me away

User - posted on 04/29/2014

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I'm going to assume here that you're just having a bad day. My 13 year old step daughter is a TOTAL bitch. And a bully at school. And rude to me at home most of the time unless she wants something. But my husband sees it. He knows I'm doing my best not to contribute to the problem, and he calls his daughter out on her behavior. If he didn't back me up in that way, and if I weren't SURE I were doing everything in my power to make the situation better, then I would be wrong for feeling the way I do.

My husband also has an 8 year old son, who is freaking awesome. That kid and I click, and he's my little ray of sunshine. Thank goodness. Because his sister is a nightmare.

We have the kids 80% of the year. EIGHTY. Their mom lives out of state, is a complete nightmare herself, and my stepdaughter is obviously angry and hurt that she knows her mom is a fuck up, but her mom is the only one who tells her what she wants to hear, so SD13 is pissed at my husband and me for denying her the chance to be with her mom....but that doesn't excuse her actions. We have her in therapy and have for about the last 7 months.

As for your 11 year old stepkid....he or she might be delayed...or might seem stupid because he/she is trying to block out all of the drama surrounding the 13 year old. Plus, at 11, that's when the "fun" begins. As you might have noticed....

Just, hang in there. And remember...one of the ABSOLUTE RIGHTS you have as a stepmother (and it took me a long time to be ok with this) is to just completely disengage when you can't take it. Sure, you married a man with kids, but no matter how long you knew the kids, you can never know exactly how they'll turn out or decide to treat you. And you have every right to just tell them to go to their rooms, or at the very least, leave you alone and let your husband deal with them. They're hungry? Ask Dad for something to eat. They need pads or tampons? They better ask Dad (which always goes over REALLY well). They need a ride to XYZ? Better ask Dad for that, too. I would warn your husband that you're in that mental place before you start sending the kids to him for everything....but you have the RIGHT to back off and take some space for yourself when you can't take them anymore.

Ev - posted on 04/29/2014

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So what is it that the kids are actually doing then? And calling an 11 year old dumb is just not right. She is a kid and she is not always going to use her head like an adult should or is supposed to. The 13 year old is still a kid pretty much. What are you expecting out of these kids? What has changed?

Michelle - posted on 04/29/2014

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You may talk to them but do you listen? You said it goes in 1 ear and out the other, to me that means you are just telling them what to do. By talking to them, I mean actually sitting down and discussing their feelings and what they are going through.

In your OP you didn't say how long you had been around so don't get defensive. It helps to give us more information so then we don't jump to conclusions.

Tina - posted on 04/29/2014

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I have been here since two have been n diapers and I've spent well enough time with them and excuse me for saying what I did bout the 13 yr old but u come and live n my shoes and see how long u and Michelle last

Ev - posted on 04/29/2014

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I have to agree with Michelle. That is horrid what you say about your step kids. How long have you been in the picture? How long have you actually known the kids or how much time have you spent with them?
You can not expect step kids to automatically be nice to you or embrace you into their lives unless you have done the same to them. It goes both ways. If this is your attitude to kids that are not your own, how do you expect them to be respectful and nice to you. I have two kids who have had two step mothers and both not much different from the way you sound in your post. It has made their relationship with dad go down hill rather fast. Because their dad won't work with the kids and step mom now, he is loosing their respect fast.

Tina - posted on 04/29/2014

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Um excuse me I've been here for 9 yrs now and before it was great now since the one is a teenager it's worst and I do talk to them and it goes through one ear and out the other , and there mama treated them like shit and I stepped n and show them what life and childhood was about so don't turn this on me

Michelle - posted on 04/29/2014

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WOW, you sound like the "evil stepmother".
If you can't handle your stepchildren then maybe you should be on your own. When you get together with someone that has children they are a package. Most of the time the children have been very hurt by their parents split and you need to be sympathetic to what they have been through.
Plus at their ages the puberty hormones are starting and it's hard for them to understand what is happening. How about you try and talk to them like adults instead of insulting them.

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