Annie - posted on 07/08/2016 ( 12 moms have responded )
I am newly married 10 months to a wonderful, very kind and loving man. However, his two kids, ages 12 and 16 are refusing to meet me or come to our home unless I were not there or stayed out of sight in another room. My husband said no to anything like that and sees them only OUT of our home.. The ex is very bitter and clearly is alienating the kids against me and trying to see to it that they never form a relationship with me. She also alienates and manipulates the kids against their father, but not to the point where he has no relationship with them. Rather, he sees his kids 2 hours a week and then about 5 hours a week every other week, even though legally he is entitled to every other weekend plus one night a week.
My question is if the kids are already behaving this way and the ex is very determined to continue the step-alienation, should I not try to fight it and just let husband see his kids without me outside the house; or, instead, should I do what I can to fight the status quo such as by letting mutual friends know what is going on and see if they can speak? Just getting her to pursue therapy would be a huge accomplishment
My fear right now is that even if the kids finally agreed to meet me, they'd be rude, hostile and look for things to criticize me about to report to their mother, who in turn would then harass my husband. My husband says he won't allow the kids to be disrespectful and rude to me, but sometimes the daughter in particular is extremely rude and nasty even to him and he has a hard time disciplining her since he sees her so little.
The kids and ex were informed of our engagement about a year ago, two months before the wedding. They took it extremely badly. The daughter carried on about how her father "wasn't allowed" to even date until her brother who was 12 at the time graduates from high school. No doubt this was from the mother. Given their reactions, my husband didn't feel it was right time to try to introduce us all.
Before our engagement, the ex and my husband were still in court over various financial issues and it also was not right time to tell anything. We made sure to keep our relationship very private with just close friends knowing.