Step kids still sleep with their mother, she sleeps almost completely nude.

Tara - posted on 11/29/2014 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My step kids 6 & 8, Macy & Mitchell, have told me numerous times they sleep with their mom still. That doesn't bother me, as much as, she sleeps with only a tee shirt on. No bra. No panties. How do I know? Macy told me, then later on Mitchell told me that his mom let's Macy sleep in just her panties & that both make him VERY uncomfortable. I told him he could go sleep in his room, but he has always had his sister with him. He will hardly go to the bathroom (here at our house) without her. So sleeping alone is definitely out of the question, they have separate beds but they still sleep in the same bed (on the occasion mom doesn't let them sleep in her bed). Macy tells me that the shirt her mom wears doesn't cover her bottom and that they "see the front of her 'body(their word for vagina) all the time when she's walking around the house or getting out of bed". Mitchell also told me that sometimes "mom walks around the house without things on her top" I ask you mean no shirt? He looks down and sheepishly says yes and with shame continues "and no bra & I don't like it".
I have asked him if he has ever told his mother that and he freezes up like he is in trouble, starts to stutter and tries to ignore that I asked a question at all. Neither of my step kids can ever answer a simple yes or no question without this kind of a response, like they are in trouble if they get it wrong. I just don't know what to do! Talking to the mom isn't a route we can take, my husband has talked to her before about it and she just says "what's wrong with it? My mother did it." Well sher mother is also in and out of a psychiatric ward of hospitals for suicide attempts, twice she has come very close to dying in the hospital. She also sexually abused her step daughter.
I need outside opinions on what to do/say/or might be going on!
Thank yall in advance!

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Sarah - posted on 11/29/2014

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I agree with Michelle, it really is not appropriate for boy and girls to share a bed. While at 6 and 8 it is probably fine, at 10-12 it won't be, so better off starting now.
For anyone who is a strong proponent of the family bed, fine, I respect your position. However, I do not think it is proper at an age when a boy wakes up with an erection to be sharing his sleeping space with his sister. My 12 yo boys would be horrified to share a bed with their sister. Traveling, and camping even, we do our best to proved privacy and like I said before: we are far from a modest family.

Michelle - posted on 11/29/2014

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I would be more focused on getting the children sleeping on their own than worrying about what happens at their Mother's house.
They need to be sleeping separate now.

Sarah - posted on 11/29/2014

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We are not a modest family, but as my kids have gotten older we have respected their desire for privacy. If a child is not comfortable with mom's nudity, partial nudity, whatever, that should be respected. At 6 and 8 kids do develop and sense of modesty and are embarrassed when exposed to other peoples lack of modesty. This 8 yo need to be give the opportunity to live comfortably, without mom walking around semi-clad.
Why do these siblings share a bed? Is it the preference of both of them, or just the daughter?

Dove - posted on 11/29/2014

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There isn't a thing in the world wrong w/ family nudity if they are comfortable w/ it. Given the children's responses though... If I were there father I would seek counseling for them immediately. It could just be them knowing you and their father are not OK w/ it and them being conflicted because of that, but if they are really uncomfortable around their mother then they could use some help w/ that.

Nudity in our family is a non issue. My children are more comfortable w/ it than 'I' am. lol

Michelle - posted on 11/29/2014

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Well both my husband and I sleep completely naked, our children see us naked if they are in our room in the mornings and sometimes I wander out to get clothes or fill my waterbottle.
Nudity isn't something to be ashamed of. I don't have my children sleeping in my bed though, they have always had their own since they were born.
There's nothing you can do about what Mum does at her house unless the children are in danger. If you suspect abuse then report it, if you don't then leave it alone. What she does is not something you can control.
All you can do is have rules in your house and explain to the children that when they with you these are the rules. It can take a while for them to get used to but they do. I just have to remind my boys they are with me and they abide by my rules (they don't have them at Dad's).

Tara - posted on 11/29/2014

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Forgot to mention, Macy now tries to sleepin just panties at our house, and I also have an 8 year old boy. We don't allow her to, she also wants to run around outside top less. When we ask if their mom let's her run around half naked she says " Well Yyyesss!!" Like it's absurd we won't let her, she's 6, not 2. I think it's inappropriate, expecially since BOTH boys are uncomfortable with it.

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