Step Mom

Kimberly - posted on 04/23/2014 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Have anyone had to deal with being a step mom and the biological mom making it difficult for you and your husband to see the child/children?

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Kimberly - posted on 04/25/2014

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Thank you Ariana, wonderful advise. Going forward I think we're going do that missing person if they hide him again. Staying calm is something we're trying to do. That little boy is my heart.

Ariana - posted on 04/24/2014

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You technically could still call, even if it wasn't your visitation time, since they still would have not have gotten in contact with you by that time and considering you were supposed to have the child technically still missing if no one has shown up.

I do hope mediation could work though and sorry there isn't more that can be done. The best you can do is make sure you don't feed into the chaos and just stay calm and try to keep things as stable for your stepson as possible.

Kimberly - posted on 04/24/2014

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Ariana, thank you that's a good idea. However, our visitation is from Friday 6pm to Sunday 6pm. My husband and I had to set pickup and drop off at the police station because she trys to start fights all kind of drama.. my husband and I are so tired, its senseless. The mediator is a really good idea, I'm not sure how much it will help.

Ariana - posted on 04/23/2014

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Wow the police can't do anything even though they won't let you have them during visitation?

How long are the visitation days? Do you get him for a whole weekend?

I know most places won't let you give a missing persons report unless it's been 24 hours so if I were you I would try to contact them and from the time you were supposed to get them (try to get an email or some sort of formal acknowledgment/visitation time that says what time you were supposed to be able to get them so you can say well we were supposed to see him Friday at 6pm). Then stay in the area, keep knocking on the door and search for them for the next 48 hours.

Either you'll have found them and get him for the weekend or you should call the police to file a missing persons report exactly 48 hours, so if they haven't shown by Sunday 6pm you would have a valid reason to presume your child is 'missing' if no one is able to get into contact with them or his mother.

I wouldn't suggest this if you weren't already going to court, they can't just hide the child.

If you don't want to go that far at first could you also try to get a mediator? Is there someone you could talk to that could sit with both of you and discuss these things?

But if someone was 'hiding' his child that's not alright.

If they try to hide him my suggestion is just stay around and refuse to leave until you get into contact with them. Even if that means bailing on your weekend a few times because you need to sit around for 48 hours to make a formal police report. I would still call the police if you stand there and don't know where they are. Call when you wanted them if they haven't shown and then wait the amount of time they say needed. Once again either someone will finally answer the door (since you refuse to leave) or they'll have to deal with the police because they were gone for so long.

Sorry that really sucks. Whatever you do don't become confrontational, there's nothing you can do about other peoples actions.

Try a mediator first if you can but otherwise call the police. I'd seriously have a group of people stand around outside with signs saying 'my ex wife is hiding my son from me on my weekend'. You only need the neighbours to see that once... idk if that's allowed but it's the truth...

Kimberly - posted on 04/23/2014

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Thank you for the advice. My husband son is 7 years old. I been in his life since he was almost two. My husband divorced his ex wife we meet after 1 1/2 years after they split. We have a court order for visitations it'd she don't feel like letting my husband get him she hides him during our weekend visitation. We been in and out of court for the past four years..no help. We tried to get custody because he was left in a hit car at the age of 5, been left in a public skating rink at the age of 3. She lives back and forth between men in which one was physically abusing both of them. We just came from court a month a go get and her mother lied so badly and the judge still allowed her to keep him and we had witnesses. We had visitation this Easter weekend they hid him and there was nothing the police good do because no one would answer the door. I just received a call from his teacher today he was left there 45 mins after school ended I went to pick him up. The teacher said she gave her a note saying his dad was picking him up today.. we new nothing about it. We all out of options.

Ariana - posted on 04/23/2014

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I'm sure many people deal with this struggle. Is that what's happening now?

Is there a schedule through the courts? If so then she has no choice but to bring the kids, if there isn't would getting one hopefully give your husband ample time with the kids?

As the stepmom your role should probably be to take a step back and just see how things work. I highly doubt you would be able to effect anything to do with the kids or mother at this point. What types of things is she doing? How old are the kids and how long have you been involved with them?

Whatever you do never say anything negative about their mom in front of them or they'll dislike you (even if it's true). I hope you two can get more access to the kids!

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